My life is a complete wreck

Does your family know about this? If they don't, the first step would be to them about this, include everything; phrase it like what you did here. You think you're messed up and have suicidal thoughts, but once you do it, the saddest people would be your family members. What does that tell you? Yes, they care deeply for you. Think about this. They'll be the ones who shed tears, especially your parents, so go straight on, tell them, even if you've done it before, do it again. You must cling onto reality because this is your life we're talking about. If you don't have self-esteem, let those closest to you give it to you, let them help. Change your mentality that this is unfixable. That will make or break your efforts, so you must believe you can first. I understand this feeling, albeit not as extreme as yours, but look around and you'll find many, countless of people just like you, but have escaped this hardship. Be grateful for what you already and still have; your parents, your house, your beating heart, your desire to stay alive evident from the fact that you're even posting this at all. From that, I can easily deduce you do want to get out of this no matter how much your brain is telling you it's just not feasible. Sorry for the long post, I'm just a teenager so anyone and everyone, please forgive if I'm misleading or incorrect, I'm willing to learn. I hope the best for you, wantabetterlife, plus, keep repeating that username to yourself and turn it into actions, not endless procrastination eating away at your life. Start small. Sorry if i hurt you in any way, wantabetterlife.

 

i can feel you man! thats where you start! jut have a good streak now. Not 4, not 15 but at least 90 days

 

Your story almost made me tear up, and I wont lie to you, I'm not sure what kind of advice to give that hasnt already been said. Try to take D X J's advice and remember that there are people who are rooting for you, including me!

 

Sorry to be blunt but...You need to stop mixing prescription drugs, weed, alcohol, and the multiple other substances you are doing. These things are going to make your life horrible. You already crashed your mom's car twice. You could kill someone else, forget about the property damage. You need to be more responsible, this is more than a porn addiction problem. Your number one problem seems to be drug addiction mixed with mental health problems. You need to see a specialist and listen to everything they tell you to do. Stopping drugs is going to be more important than stopping P right now. Please get serious help

 

suicide not solve the problem bro, just keep fight. i am same with you, with the porn addiction, now i do rebooting program. hard in the first, but i enjoy to solve my problem step by step. keep fight bro

 

In every hero's journey you have to be at the bottom, that's why we tell that story over and over again, in every time, in every culture. From fairy tales to Roman mythology, to modern movies, the hero must taste ashes to rise.

Watch Empire Strikes Back or read the story of Perseus. Your human brain is so adept at recognizing imagery patterns that meditating on these stories will have literal real effect in your life.

It's up from here brother.

 

He had a lot more happen than bad choices. He found out his father was the villain he's been training to destroy (spoilers). Then he falls to the bottom of the city, dumped out a garbage chute.

 

That's a good sign that you realize this, I congratulate you on that. The next step is to see the counselor, but you need to be open to listening and following through with what they tell you to do. You have to want the change, hopefully this is your bottom and you will grow into a better person now. Want the change, convince yourself, and keep up the good fight

 

Hey wantabetterlife, it's a good thing you joined us here. I'm a newbie here too, but I did 90 days a year ago, and just recently started watching P again. I'm telling you, this thing is real. It made me feel alive, everyday I wake up in the morning knowing that I added another day of victory by not PMOing. I'm already married, but you see this addiction doesn't choose any age. I've been PMOing since age 12 (whenever I get the chance since back then there wasn't any internet yet). When I started working, and have a place of my own (and yes freedom), then the devil took control. Open up the bible bro, everyone has a soul, including you. If you feel you're off the ship and can't make it back, there's a power greater than you that can get you back. It's from above.

 

Whose to say the ship (life) has dumped you when in reality, you steer your own ship (life). You don't get thrown overboard, rather you're taking a different path in the ocean, and the reason this is a good metaphor is because the ocean is vast, and so are the opportunities in life. Bring your ship (life) somewhere meaningful, you are the captain, you are in control, remember this, you will not let your ship (life) be steered by Captain Cocaine, Captain Weed, Captain Depression or Captain Anxiety, rather it's Captain WANTABETTERLIFE through and through. Those past experiences are just bubbles in the ocean. Bubbles are temporary, they pop and there're so many of them. So get out there and get bubbles (experiences) you enjoy. Turn your ship around. Never, never jump the ship, if you understand what I mean. Understand it like this, are you gonna let a bunch of bubbles bring your ship down? You must value yourself higher! Be grateful for you have been born a perfect human being, something many don't have. Thus, treasure your life, I can't stress this enough.

Hey, wantabetterlife, I hope you understand my message and I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way, but this is just my personal take on your matter. I am a teenager, though, please correct anything that's misleading or incorrect in my post, I'm willing to learn as I myself am a new Fapstronaut.