My Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by ATCR Perce, May 17, 2018 at 12:28 PM.

  1. ATCR Perce

    ATCR Perce Fapstronaut

    So I wanted to start this journal to record some of the things I am going through and how I am dealing with it.

    Its been 5 days since my last O and 7 days since my last PM. I am just trying to give up PM since I have a girlfriend.
    The urges have gradually gotten stronger since my last O and it has been the worst tonight. I had anxiety about life and I was tired too and I had to sleep so I can get up early. So I had a major need to MO, not even P anymore, so I can get my mind off things, get a dopamine rush and get sleepy.

    But this cycle is just going to happen and again. I'm sick and tired of feeling the need to MO to fall asleep or to have different thoughts. The worst was that all of today, I had really strong thoughts about women and strong urges.

    So I couldn't just simply calm myself in bed.
    I felt aggressive and so I did a few pushups and ran out at 2 am in the morning. I went for an 8-minute run and I skipped rope for 3 minutes. During my run, I had a strong aggression and felt almost like an animal. Especially when a thought about the women's body came, I felt the urge and then anger. I was kind of growling fighting this thought off. I guess this worries me because it is such a bad behaviour to exhibit.

    After I came inside, I calmed my mind by going through what I need to do in the morning. Before I went for my ran, I also used the panic button which sort of helped, but it needs a section for anxiety-induced urges.

    I started reading this thread ( It had a great quote:
    "What count is that moment when you are having extremely powerful urges and everything is telling you to relapse. This is when it actually starts to count!".
    Therefore, I really needed this urge to fight off to get to the next stage of reboot. This makes me feel so much more at ease.

    I simply need to find a way to teach that stupid part of my brain that wants dopamine and will try anyway to get it

    "Your brain is trying to find a way to get to you relapse, it will use every single trick to force you do so and to get its fix."

    This article seemed pretty interesting as well:

    Lets see how this goes.
    The urge is gone now and I just want to sleep.
    I have head aches still. I wonder if other people feel this too.

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