My introduction

Hello everyone,I don't know if I'm doing this right.
I'm a "girl" (actually agender but since this "project" involves genitals I want to be clear about my biological gender).

I tried many times to quit,more than 30,and my longest time without PMO has been 15 days. I began NoFap in December,but kept failing.

I am also asexual and sex repulsed,both me and my partner,and we have no intention of doing anything, if not to procreate. So it is very hard for me to be able to enjoy sexuality and M since I am not sexually attracted by anyone.

I still have a libido though and I can't control it at all. I always end up crying or self harming after relapsing. I end up M because it distracts me,I get "blue petals" and it's like scratching an itch,a burden that I need to get rid of. I really never do it for pleasure itself. I am always bored and I suffer from a couple disorders that make me feel like nothing really matters,and I give up on trying to stop.

But it really makes me feel bad,I really desire to quit everything sex related,and I really hope to get some help here because there's no one I can talk to in real life.

My goal is to quit PMO forever,learn to control my urges and reduce them a lot. I want to start hard mode from tomorrow morning. I just want a sex-free life and NoFap is what I need now. Thank you for reading,sorry for the grammatical errors or if I did something wrong that's website-related.

 

Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

Check out this Ted talk on mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. There is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started with formal sitting practice.

As for itching feeling try the sixth Tibetan Rite. I read somewhere that it was designed specifically for wet dream prevention and "itch" (as you called it) reduction for celibate monks. Practice every day right before bedtime for multiple repetitions to prevent wet dreams, nocturnal orgasms and nocturnal arousal. Or practice any time during the day to get rid of that itching feeling without actually scratching it. There is Youtube video for visual example:

Spoiler: Click here for video

Written instructions I copy pasted from one of the comments under YouTube video:

"Exercise Proper: Stand

1) Tensing Phase:

a) Stand straight up and slowly let all of the air out of your lungs. As you do this, bend over and put your hands on your knees. Force out the last trace of air, and then, with the lungs empty, return to a straight up posture.
b) Place your hands on your hips, and press down on them. This will push your shoulders up. As you do this, pull in the abdomen as much as possible, and at the same time raise the chest.

Said another way, tense all of your muscles, scrunch up your shoulders, clench your fists and place them on your hips. Claw your feet into the ground. Try to stay like this for a slow count of ten.

c) Hold this position as long as you possibly can if you can't make it to the end. When you are finally forced to take air into your empty lungs, let the air flow in through the nose.

2) Relaxation Phase:

a) When the lungs are full, exhale through the mouth. As you exhale, relax your arms, letting them hang naturally at your sides.

b) Then take several deep breaths through the mouth or nose, allowing them to escape through either the mouth or nose. The object is to completely relax between each of the Tensing Phases.

3) Repeat the rite if needed, but once is usually all you need."

I've been using this method for a while and it really works to get rid of the "itch". Wish you lot's of strength and success in your journey!

 

Wow!! Thank you so much! I tried meditation,I am actually pretty into it by a couple years,but I am in a situation in which I rarely manage to get out of my bed and do daily tasks so I cannot be consistent. But I really want to try again. I tried mindfulness meditation too and to be honest it helps more than any other thing I have tried so far.
And the five Tibetan Rites look very useful as well,maybe I'll buy a book about it and learn more!
I will start my journal tomorrow since today I relapsed and I feel "impure". Thank you so much for the help,I really am grateful for that! It really helps to feel that I am not alone. Thank you.

 

Glad to help. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

You might also find sexual energy transmutation interesting. Don't know whether you are interested in these kinds of esoteric stuff, definitely not for everyone. But it makes sense to me that it would be useful practice for somebody who wants/has to be completely celibate. So maybe it's something worth looking into for you.

 

I actually am,very much so. This kind of things are practically all I've tried. I wanted to proceed with a chemical castration and use chaste berries but I prefer something more spiritual that has no side effects.

 

Have you checked out Mantak Chia's books? I'm by no means an expert on sexual cultivation and transmutation but I am learning. And Mantak Chia's work has been very useful to me so far. "Healing Love through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy" (mainly meant for sexually active people but a lot of information in it can also be applied for celibates) and "Healing Light of the Tao: Foundational Practices to Awaken Chi Energy" (not sexual in nature at all really, just information on how to use sexual energy for spirituality and longevity) might be couple books worth checking out, in case you already have not.

 

No,I have not,but I'll try to find them here (or buy them online). You seem to have a lot of knowledge when it comes to these things,it's very nice. I really believe it can help me. And I thought that sexual energy transmutation was the total opposite of celibacy,as in,to have a powerful sexual energy you also have to feel a strong sexual impulse. And I would like to get rid of my libido,but now that I think about it,relapsing would also mean losing sexual energy.

 

Get "Healing Light of the Tao" first. Cos like I said "Healing Love through the Tao" is mostly for sexually active people (not that much practical things for you there, it's more beneficial for understanding things), so it's better used as supplementation information for you once you learn the practical basics of energy work.

It's not the same thing as desire to have sex. Look at this forum for example. Most new people that come here has crazy desire to be sexual (to watch porn and masturbate, some are sex addicts, etc) but most of them are completely depleted from any sexual energy. Then we reboot and many people report that they lose desire to masturbate, watch porn or have meaningless casual sex unless it's a means for intimate connection with loved one. Yet they are full of energy.

Even a cactus has sexual energy in a way. It's a type of life energy which expresses itself in many ways. Plants blossom to express it. Humans can blossom too. Sexual transmutation means taking that libido, that "itch" and through meditation turn it into creativity, physical energy in gym, spiritual practice, motivation for work/studies or simply into love and compassion for your significant other or self love for yourself.

 

I will!
And it's honestly what I would need. Arousal is something useless to me,if I really can't get rid of it I at least want to turn it into something different. Something good.

 

Actually I just joined,this morning I made my account so I have 0 experience on here,I just tried to stop PMO on my own since December. I'd like to read what others say,and maybe ask questions,but I am a very introverted person and I will not be very active. Although I want to keep a journal here,because it could really help me.
That was very interesting actually. I am not a Christian,actually I don't want to label myself as anything,and I dislike churches,since I believe that religion and religious practices are separated things.
It was interesting nonetheless. Sorry if I sound somewhat "unimpressed",I really am,I just can't really show how I feel and I'm not used to share my thoughts. But it was really nice to know about her,I'll look into more details.

 

But to somewhat answer your question,despite the multiple failures,I am feeling way better since I stopped M daily and such. I do it sporadically,once a week or so,lately getting into it more again due to anxiety,but overall I feel less anxious,less "dirty" myself,less chained down to an addiction that was very harmful for me.

 

Thank you! And back to you,in case you're trying to quit P/M/O.
Also I saw she wrote many books and I think I'm going to look into them.
And I feel that,i myself can say to be a Syncretist,but even if I believe in many things,I do not believe in gods and i do not participate to any kind of church. I can understand her on this part. It's good.

 

I just joined here and I already got like 4 books to read :') such a great place.

Syncretism is essentially blending and believing in different "religions",cults and schools of thought. For example,I really believe in Asian philosophies such as Zen philosophy, and traditional rituals,but I also follow Shintoism,Buddhism,Shivaism,Hinduism,and Paganism helps me with herbs,Catholicism has some good "inspiring" things,and Satanism has great "inputs" for self confidence and power. I take a bit of some things and combine them to make something that appeals to me the most. Yet,I do not consider myself any of that since I firstly do not believe in any God (yet I believe in other entities),an because I often do not celebrate festivities,take part in rituals and such.

That's nice then,I hope you will be able to make your life better.

 

No,no,I like people who form very detailed sentences. Sadly I do not have this ability,at least when it comes to English.

And I am a bookworm as well. Currently reading Perfume. I can relate so much to the main character. I am not much of a fiction/romance stuff and things like harry potter...I like poetry,important literature,deep and powerful books. Trainspotting was one of them,to me. It's not the Odissey, but it really hit me hard.

And if you read the previous comments you'll see the books I have been suggested for,by another user.

 

Could I send you a private message about the book?
And that would actually be very cool!!! If you find anything like that,please let me know.