My husband not only PMO for fun he also had relationships online

Hi,
Last week I found out that my husband was cheating on me for years. I was devasted, my hands were shaking I couldn’t breath so on.
He was a good liar.
When I was watching and realising how far he went with PMO I couldn’t believe it. My eyes were full of tears.
But then I saw he was also using Whatsapp - Skype and talking with a girl (twenties) for months. She was one of the “models” that work on those places online. I saw he saved videos of her and many others. I was in shock because I couldn’t understand why he was watching movies with her? Eating together, sending photos of where they were during the day, what they were eating, and also he send flowers to her. (he confessed later that he did the same for another women). She lives overseas so they never met in person. Everything was online but he was spending more time with her than with me, enjoying basic things of a relationship not only PMO with her. He seems happy doing that, and the lady seems to believe everything he was promising to her to do together in the future, and loved him.
I can’t no explain my pain, I felt something in the middle of my chest that was killing me.
When I confronting I gave him many chances of telling me the truth but he didn’t. So I told him all. He opened his eyes, he couldn’t look at me, he said I was too good for him, I don’t deserve it etc

 

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I asked him for the divorce because for years I lived with his crankiness and I excused him for not having sex with me because he was stressed from work or tired.
I always told him to do activities together but he said: too expensive! We don’t have money! I don’t want to go! Always even going for a walk for the beach it was not a good plan for him.

I also told him, baby go out with your friends, enjoy the gym but do something because we don’t have kids together, his kids are 20s, so why we can’t no do things together of for ourselves?

Well... he did have money to spend sending flowers, paying for PMO he did have TIME to talk to this lady’s while with me he was always late.

Am I The only one living this situation?
What level of addiction says about having a relationship online with the girl that also promote PMO?

 

Thanks for sharing Werka.
I did not sleep for 4 days, I could not eat, or being me.
When I realise he was cheating I wait for him to comeback from work. I was smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol, I think I did that to hurt myself. I cried loud, and I laid down on the floor for hours listening Sad songs.
He arrived home from work. He knews something was wrong. I said to him that we have to talk, I said to him:
Are you hiding anything from me?
-No
Please tell me, are you sure there is nothing that I should know
-NO
Ok last time PLEASE tell me.
-I am fine, what are you talking about?
So i said: ABOUT YOUR GF And your PMO. You have been cheating for years, the hole marriage! He immediately said
-YOU!!
-what? Me what!??
Then he realises that he was caught.
He couldn’t look at me.
I said: I want the divorce.
He was in shock, that was the last thing he was expecting from me to say, but then I started to doubt. Because he was not hiding the files, everything was easy to find. All the photos and videos they share, even the screenshot of the money he sent overseas. And I start thinking that he was waiting for me to find out so he finally could be free.
He said:
I fucked up.
You deserve better
You gave me everything and I am a bad person,
Im a piece of shit.
Then, I felt betrayed, he didn’t love me, that I wasn’t attractive for him, that he want to be with this other women, that I wasted my life and wonderful years with him.
I felt horrible.
The worst thing is that after all I saw that he was still talking to the women telling her My love, I miss you, have sweet dreams, after he seen me devasted. And he looking to the floor.
That night I search for the women on FB and I message her. She told me that he told her that he was separated, that he lives alone, that he want to meet her in her country (where I am from as well) and he asked her to ask for holidays in her university so she can come to Australia for holidays one month.
When she told me that, I said yes he is going there because we are going for holidays overseas, and he is always with me, and I live with him I am his wife. She feels sorry and send me the screenshot of Whastapp where he was still after all telling her My love and bla bla.
From that moment I gues my husband felt that everything was over and he lost me. He lost my love, respect and my dreams - protects we were sharing together.
So I went the weekend away and he talked to his son about his addiction. (Who is 20s) and for me means a lot that he started seeking help by himself, so he did calls, asked for appointments and Counsellor to feel better. He was the one who show me this forums.
I am still in pain. I feel I am ok for minutes and then down again. I love him and because he is the one deleting all the crap from his pc and phone, he wants to change his mobile as well for low technology, he was the one seeking information about his problem so we can understand and because I see he always have love me despite the circumstances I decided to fight for us and be patient.
Not easy, I need help but here we go.

 

She was working on the websites she was sending him videos having showers for free, this girls also have videos in their accounts doing nasty things on the street playing with objects and more. He said to me that he wanted the attention, that he also talk to more girls during this years but with the last one more because she was not asking money and paying him attention...

 

I totally agree with you that’s what I was thinking, if the PMO haVe leves and some of these leves they need to have this contact that are not only PMO but a mixed of all?

 

No it wasn’t making change because he was still talking to the same girl like if everything’s was normal in his life. I think he realised that he needed to change after I talked to this girl and he feels that he went too far and He lost me.
He knew I couldn’t forget his actions so that’s why I went away the weekend so I gave him space to think and do something. Not becasue for me but for himself.

 

Sure, I need therapy urgently. And for the moment I think our communication is better and he seem honest.
But sometimes I have to keep asking questions to try to understand Why? And I am very curious if he was falling in love or if it was all a fantasy...
he said no.
But... even if is true it’s to hard to believe.
Thank you for sharing and your advice.

 

Hello Maxon,
Things are not going well.
My husband lie and lie and lie... always are excuses for everything so he doesn’t admit he lies. Always he has a reason to seek one of this women who he sent money, flowers, and spent a lot of time. After therapy I had to tralvel overseas and he had to stayed for a month to get where I was. But I though we were good, that I could trus again because I could see he was improving with his actitud towards life and our relationship. But when I was overseas i find out he was again talking to this women, he said he didn’t not PMO only talking to try to get back money that he gave her. He said he felt stupid loosing that money, and he was just trying to make her to pay back being nice to her and basically playing the Boyfriend rol again. When I find out he said he could prove me his intentions were only about getting the money back from her , he sent me some conversation with her, and all I saw was him telling me that he still loved her, that she knows he is her support for anything she needs, and don’t worry for the money.
It was never mentioned in any of jose conversations he actually asking her for the money.
Well I am not a dumb but I decided to stay with my husband beside that. I don’t believe what he said but I stayed with him because I love him.
Then e travel overseas and met me we had a lot of fun and he seemed fantastic only we had one night of good S or intimacy. When we comeback to AUstralia two months later I was feeling something was wrong with his actitud and I pray a lot and I always felt that he was doing something wrong again and I knew it because we haven had S since we comeback for holidays, three months ago, and also he was funny with him phone, always keeping his phone close to him. So one night I couldn’t resist to look his phone and in few seconds I saw he has been looking on Google for this women again. I confronted him and he said it was an stupid mistake and he was curious to see if she was working or not. But for what? And then he said that I am the only one he loves.
At the moment I don’t feel more pain, I don’t cry, I don’t get drunk or stop eating because the sadness and disappointment. Now I am sedated about that. I don’t have more emotions. I am tired because all I know is that he has feeling for her otherwise he could look for another womens but he always follow her.
The worst of everything is that I am the only one believing, forgiving, fighting and being loyal for a man that doesn’t give a s.h.i.t for my feelings and after all I have done for him.
We are still living together I told him to have space, respect, and at the end we are good people, not perfect, but we can share the house and give it time so we can organise our finances and move on.

 

Thank you for you advice. The thing is that I am exhausted. He doesn’t show me any affection, love or willing to care about my feelings or let’s say, “fight for my love” looks like he is used to do mistakes and I forgive him all the times. I think that’s why he doesn’t Efforts anymore on showing me he really wants me.
He says he doesn’t talk to anyone, that he doesn’t go to those websites anymore, but he knows and said that he fucked up. So I think is time to concentrate in my life and what I want, I do not want to get worry anymore for why he is cheating, or talking to another women anymore. For now we share the same roof and those days he has t done anything to prove me he loves me. He goes away because is giving me space is what he said. I don’t know if when he goes is talking to someone... who knows.
I have done all...I wait, believed, loved, care, and seriously I don’t think this is going anywhere. If he wants to get better he should read or write in this groups maybe seeking help. But I am alone here like if it was only my problem.
I am hopeless with him.

 

Nop

 

I am 35, he is 45.