My goal is a year without PMOs.

hello to all, I've been a fapstronaut for a long time, who knows maybe since I was 12 or 13 years old, here at least 32 years and more, porn magazines, whole afternoons dedicated to masturbation, today that I'm an adult, after 67 days, of NO PMO, it seems to me to begin to wake up, to understand, to look back at the immense errors, the lost time, the missed opportunities, the lost life.
I'm married with children, but did I ever really enjoy them as I should have? Did I manage to give them the love they deserved?
A life of porn, masturbation and betrayal, a vile life, getting out of it is like getting away from a sea of pitch, which does not let you go, holds you back, and detaching is a bit like tearing off your skin, your muscles, you feel the pain in your brain, your hands that rebel against your will, the lower parts that pulsate and do not give you a break.
Working on the PC all day long without opening a nude image, a porn video is of unspeakable suffering, luckily it is calming down a bit after 2 months, but the temptations are strong, especially the desire to betray.
Porn had taken away any sexual inhibition, I could go with a friend, I looked at my wife's sister, my sisters-in-law, any woman who passed through the street, I only gurgled her in the middle of my legs and breasts, my face counted for little.
I also started to have homosexual thoughts and to meet some men. I became bsx
Nothing was enough for me, I was satisfied, I always wanted more, even prostitutes, transsexuals.
In short, I was really serious, seriously dependent on sex.
This is not my first attempt, I've been trying to abstain from porn and masturbation for at least 2 years with alternate fortunes, and I'm writing a blog on which to write my feelings, my doubts, improvements, progress and vent in difficult times, so as to distract me when I'm in crisis.
My goal is a year without PMO

 

The last two months I managed to avoid the PMO, thinking back to my blog, where I write my thoughts, my panic attacks, my wanting to resist to be better, become a better person every time I wanted to porn and masturbation.
This is helping me a lot, I feel more energy, and when I get thoughts about masturbating, finding someone to have sex with, I think, how much energy and time will I waste to run after the wind?
I set myself goals to be achieved by the end of the year, both work and personal, for example earning more money, taking the family on vacation, changing cars, improving my spiritual life, studying the Bible every week, and I also began to run to improve my physique and unload some tension.
In short, there have been some changes, I expected more at the mental level, and memory, but every day more and more I can see how I was before, the mistakes I made for "distraction" of the sleeping brain and this makes me feel very sick, and I convince myself every day more and more that I do not want to go back to the hell of dopamine blindness.
And then I signed up here to seek help, and lend a hand to those in need like me

 

Actually I'm not a Christian, I've always been atheist, but lately, to change, become better, live a more faithful life to the family, and learn to repeat others and myself, I decided at the suggestion of my wife to begin studying the Bible, helps me a brother. I must say that not believing in God yet, in the last year I have changed a lot, in fact I started this path NO PMO, several times, with many failures, I am imposing myself to no longer betray my wife, to retain my cravings, my seed, my life energy, and do everything to increase my willpower.
After 2 months something has changed in me, now even when I make love to my wife I am more present, I devote myself to his pleasure instead of mine.
If I think about Fap or betraying, I think, how much seed and life energy will this take away from me? And that helps me a lot.
I'm rereading for the second time "Think and enrich yourself with Napoleon Hill" about Sexual Transmutation, I have yet to learn how to put it into practice, but this book is also helping me a lot.