My first PA was a cruel man. He was crazy. I'm pretty sure he went crazy... Mad? He drove himself mad. He loved porn. Video games. The internet. He didn't have a job. To be clear... Our child was almost taken by the state because of his addictions. I'm not joking. He loved sex. He just didn't love me. He didn't love sex with me. This was eroded by porn. I just didn't know it. To be fair... I never loved him either. I thought my child needed their father. To be stupid and young, right? Have you ever been held prisoner in your own home? Actually, held prisoner. Like, trapped. No escape. No bathroom. Waiting. Days. No food. No clock. Torture. It'll guarantee to fuck your head. Have you ever had your child ripped out of your arms and closed behind a door while you are being pushed down two flights of stairs? You will learn really quickly what matters more.... The child or the internet. And to who. When you have this experience with It... You just step back. When you constantly find porn in the DVD when you are babysitting family and then the next thing you know, drugs. Why drugs? Because... He needs stimulus. To keep going. This, of course... Means more anger. More angry means more crashing... Leads to.... Depression. Depression leads to suicide attempts. Leads to more violence. None of this is good. I tried... For awhile. Can't say I didn't try. But when you stand there, in sexy dress and he won't look up from the computer and later he wants to, after I go to bed, jerk off to who knows what... I can see by the blue light on the stairs.. I was fine. I was fine not sharing a room. I was not fine with the strange women I was always finding in my house. I was not fine with the Strange men looking for drugs or money for drugs so he could watch more porn. I was not ok with more drugs for more porn because he needed more to sustain more...always wanted more. It started to become never enough. I was not ok with him and how he treated children, neglected or berated. It wasn't OK. I eventually got out. But I wonder how he remembers this. He eventually sobered up. He's since apologized to me. However when I got with Rock_Star and I originally did not have such a problem with porn.... Since there was a few years in between.... I wonder if society had brainwashed me too? Idk. But until he started to have issues with it, I didn't have a problem with it. And then when he did... I had a Big problem. I thought This was a porn problem. The Devolution was like This. The controlling. Abusive. Mentally deranged. High. Drunk. But...... What did I know? How scary was that? Now I had two? Was that my type? Was I to be a prisoner again? No. Now I was on a different path. And everyone, every sex addiction, every porn addiction is completely different. I was really nervous when my SO said to interact with others here. I'm really glad I did. I know this is scary. I do, I know. The point is... You never know what is next. Sometimes even the bad, is unexpectedly good.