My First Journal | Day 9 of my SO's Journey

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half.

About a year into the relationship he confessed that he had an addiction to porn and I was super understanding and we talked about it a little bit. Neither him nor I really realized how tremendous the problem actually was. Things have gone downhill since then.

In January he got on a really bad streak of watching a lot of porn, and I didn't know any of this as he didn't tell me. He was watching multiple times a day and worse and worse kinds of porn. It all lead up to him getting drunk a few weeks ago and trying to hook up with another guy. Luckily the guy said no, but in my mind he still cheated because he was totally willing and the only reason it didn't happen was because the other guy said no. My boyfriend isn't gay or even bisexual, it happened as a result of his PA and the taboo idea of being with another man.

He confessed this to me last week and was all torn up about it, convinced I would leave him. We talked about it a bunch and it was then we realized just how bad the PA was and had gotten. We then decided to take serious action against it. After lots of research I came across this website (which is such a blessing) and already has been so helpful for him.

He's so thankful I stayed and that I'm here for the long run through the thick and thin. And of course I am, I love him despite his addiction.

Lately I've been realizing just how much this addiction already has and will continue to affect our relationship. It's been really hard on me. I'm still not over the fact that he almost cheated and that he was dishonest for so long. It's so hard for me because I want to be there to support him, but on the other hand I need support too.

It's just a lot and I hope that over time it gets better and easier.