My experience with the challenge so far...

This is my first post on this site.
I'm 22 years old.
two years ago, I tried pick-up , and it didn't go well.
In addition to that , I started getting social anxiety around girls I wanted to start with.

A year has passed , and I started going to collage for programming.
I wanted to try again. So I searched for anything that could help me with my social anxiety.
From that, I found about the benefits when not masturbating for a certain amount of time.
At first, I was motivated and when I started I felt A-L-I-V-E !
A month or so has passed. I relapsed and tried again.
From that time I started realizing what was going thou my mind.

Since I barely got any good reaction from any girl,my mind usually shifts me about fantasizing on my crush from high-school.
She was the only one I had good time talking with her.
its were my lust really begins to shine , for the bad reasons of course.
I've never met her again since high-school but I can check her social profile online, browsing her images with her soulmate.
Call me a stalker , but no matter what, you'll always want that good feeling that happened in your life, and for me it was her.

When I go outside, I'm well aware of my surroundings and I can be a friendly guy with everybody.
Sadly , my comfort zone doesn't last long , when I see a couple doing what couples are doing.

So , what happens when I start the challenge again ? motivation ? happiness ?
No .... the same depression with a bit of lust that grows everyday with the challenge.
When week passes , I start getting more aware of my "social status" and anger begins to consume me.

Currently I in the 10th day. All my negative emotions are boiling all together.
Somehow, I manage to stir myself with my anger.
Aiming to become a better person on all platforms.
Finding a job, learning new programming languages, hanging out with friends.

Its strange to say this ,but I would would rather feel raw emotion of anger rather than feeling nothing at all.

As long as I'm aware of myself I can keep moving forward.
And hopefully , I'll forget about my crush and feel good about myself.

As you have probably realized , I'm a very twisted guy.
I have lot more to talk about but I feel as I've introduced myself clear enough about me.