My diary

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Coffee Candy, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. I can relate to this on a another level it’s actually crazy, I’m exactly the same as you with some aspects, I’ll message you and talk more about it but yeah... don’t beat yourself up for any of this and defo don’t compare yourself to other women. That’ll only make you feel worse...
    Really and truly you don’t know if other women are suffering with something similar but in silent, so don’t compare yourself to them. You’ll reach your goal trust me just stay strong and keep going
     
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  2. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Oh hey, I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm not sure what to say but I'll give it my best.

    I get it, you feel down because you feel you can't do well. Lots of people stress about it and you are definitely not the only one who worries. It's okay, nobody expects you to be a master on the first try. It's a learning process but with a loving partner you should be able to overcome that.

    But who I to talk, I'm just a virgin. But if you feel like you're stuck don't forget that there's a lot of resources you could use to help you out.

    Best of luck!
     
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  3. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    :+) Ya, message me!

    Thank you for the sweet message and your support, P.
     
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  4. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank youu, Solomon435, for your supportive comment. You're right, thanks for reminding me...!

    O rly, could've fooled me, your advice was so good i was sure it wasnt a virgin who had said it :b Who says virgins can't give advice, I'll fight them. what I needed to hear!

    All the same to you ~
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
  5. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    You're welcome, I'm glad it helped you out. :)

    Ha ha, really? I'd always thought the kind of advice I'd give didn't mean much for obvious reasons, but I'm happy my advice was still helpful to you!

    Thank you. This means a lot to me.
     
  6. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    What are you working on? Continuing
    Future plans? Continuity
    What inspires you? Continuance
    Advice? Continue!

    ~ Martin Margiela, i-D April 1998
     
  7. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    I thought it was just a post with a template of personal goals but nope, it's just a wonderful quote!
     
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  8. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I don't remember what it was like when I first started trying to abstain from pornography... I mean all I remember was the first few times that I tried to stop even before joing NoFap..and how ridiculously hard it was. Dark times -I was fighting all on my own. I was relapsing after just 1 day or just a few hours.. I gave up..I tried again..gave up. I wasn't really trying.
    But in January 2017 and until now, I took it way more seriously and I had a pretty good n long streak with the help of this forum. Very rewarding for me...It was very good and things became easier. Especially by being part of this community..accountability is some serious stuff. Then I left the forum lol, and shortly afterwards (about a few months) I relapsed..but I still kept trying as if I still were on NoFap itself but wasn't succeeding very much and I couldn't take it anymore and some of content I was viewing at times were worse than ever before.. so I returned here..now here I am.

    I don't really like being in a community or a group..I don't do well with it.
    I don't have a lot of the social media people have nowadays because of my inferiority issues and comparing myself to others and other things. ..it's a lot of (mostly self-imposed) pressure for me to be like in the public I guess, like watched..online but it's not really just an online thing. I guess some of it's sort of delusional over thinking since I struggle with quite a few mental health things.
    I usually mess up a lot socially as I already have here on NoFap a ton of times already in jus the small period that I've been on here..
    But I'm actually doing better than I did on my first account here on NoFap so I've improved some..hopefully I will improve more.

    Right now I'm dealing with a lot of stress in my life which I don't want to elaborate on..but I guess I feel it's important to let it be known.
    Watching pornography's not an option for me anymore...it jus isn't so I don't really struggle with like needing it anymore. Hmm, but I'm pretty sure that if I were to delete my account on here after a few months it could be something I struggle with again..it's like NoFap is my invisibilty cloak or something :b Protects me from the dangers of the outside. So I'm needing this account here..I will probably struggle in the future sometime..and I'll be glad if I don't delete my account and sever the acquaintances I've made or rather, been blessed with : ) Thank you to those supporting me and giving attention, wouldn't be here without it.

    Right now, I'm pretty eager to figure out my complicated love life out so that I can put my counter as no PM and not " meeting my goals"( which mine is all complicated). Hopefully that'll be soon. ..
     
  9. Elias Smith

    Elias Smith Fapstronaut

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    It looks to me that with this post, you are doing fine .I wish you well in this journey .I too have found that being part of this community is extremely helpful. When I stay away from nofap I drift towards P. Stay strong. Nothing but support from this group.
     
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  10. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your message :+) I wish the same for you!
     
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  11. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    Hey just wanted to give you some encouragement in this area. I am married for 9 years. When it comes to sex with my wife, there is ALOT of understanding that has to be there.

    As for "normal orgasms", I can tell you that my wife finally came clean to me about how difficult it was for her to O with just penetrative sex. I also would perform oral sex, but she was not comfortable with the sensation of it, even though she would get wet.

    She felt a TREMENDOUS amount of pressure and shame because she often would not orgasm and she would dread and put off sex.

    About 2 years ago she felt comfortable enough about it where we could talk. We have spent the next few months testing and trying out different things. There are certain toys and stimulation she likes and the main thing is to feel comfortable and to relax. She also had a lot of misgivings about her body and did not feel comfortable that she had gained weight.

    Now we incorporate alot of toys and different things. I perform M on her or give her massages.

    The point I am making is that a "normal" O is different for many people. Be patient and take the time to learn about yourself and be open with your SO.

    Be encouraged
     
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  12. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, @Prov2416 for taking the time to write that message for me. It is encouraging.
     
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  13. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    That's really good, you sound like you're having a healthy reflection on where you're going, where you've been and where you are now.

    And hey, you've been a blessing to us too. :)

    I hope you can accomplish your goals and you can be happy. We'll be here for you if you need help.
     
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  14. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, Solomon435, for your sweet words.
     
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  15. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Way to expose yourself and be vulnerable. Great journal entry!
     
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  16. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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  17. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Although you've been here a while, I feel like before reading this post I didn't actually know much about you. I had no idea you had such self esteem issues and were shy, I guess I thought the opposite somehow. I have to say though, that like you, I don't use social media and I'm not really used to it. In fact I find the social side of NoFap a bit fatiguing and challenging sometimes.. and in life I am spending most time by myself.. or used to be just with my sister.

    By the sounds of it you've done very well with nofap, I also didn't know you'd been doing it so long. Glad to see it's working for you and that you're working through the personal difficulties. Wish you continued success and a great 2019, all the best.
     
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  18. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Heh. I've been thinking on how to reply but the more I keep thinking about it the more anxious it's making me ': D
    It's nice to know I'm not alone and that you can relate. I am also quite alone in actuality as well. Hope you make more friends though, you have your NoFap sisters I see and I'm glad you have 'em.
    If I may say, I had come to the same presumption about you that you had about me :b ~ you make communication and being around others seem effortless n I look up to it, actually.

    Thank you for your message, you're very generous with your words to me..
     
  19. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Thank you, I had a feeling you saw me that way, and I guess that's probably how I do come across on here.. I think when I decided to join here and do nofap, I tried to put my heart and soul into it. It's easier to be brave online.. this was the first time I'd shared so much about myself, shared stories and poems. I never expected to get so into the social side of things on here but I found it helped me with my streaks to have that social contact.. but it does overwhelm me sometimes and I do love to just be by myself quietly, reading or writing when not here.

    Sorry if I made you anxious at all, it was never my intention.. after all we're both here trying to heal and improve ourselves.

    :)
     
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  20. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, there.

    I just wanted to let you know that whatever and however you might be feeling, it is valid and appropriate.

    Thing with the use of Porn is that it really makes us socially anxious. We are constantly judging ourselves, so that doesn't really help either. I read your journal back from the start of your journey and I was really very impressed as to how far you've come. I wanted to let you know that maybe, at times you will feel like you're going nowhere or you're not getting the expected results, but trust me, you are doing a lot better than you think you are. And the most important thing to remember is that YOU'RE TRYING.

    You are trying to be a better version of yourself, everyday. You are putting yourself out here and I think that you are a very strong person to do that.

    Also, to orgasming normal, I would love to add my bit here like @Prov2416 did. Normal Orgasm isn't really that common. But if you push yourself a little and tell your partner about what pleases your body and everything that makes it feel good, you will definitely be able to orgasm normal.

    Some of the worst things that porn does to our mind is that it feeds us unrealistic, irrational pictures of the most beautiful expression of human love, that is making love to your partner. What they show is meaningless animal sex. But we are not animals. We are humans. Our capability to love so immensely makes us special.

    I have been struggling a lot with PMO since past two months. It is my day 8 of NoFap and I guess, you might think of what I am saying as just some newbie big talk. But I really understand what you're going through.

    I went through a rollercoaster of emotions this year. I had a very tough time dealing with all of my emotions. I am single for two years now. I feel strongly for a guy who won't be home for next two years, atleast. And even when he will come, there's no guarantee of us being together. But forgetting him is so hard. And I tried a lot. I tried so hard to forget him that I fell in the pit of Porn. It benumbed me. But then, I felt like shit. I felt like shit because there's no limit to the amount of disgusting things they put on there.

    Also, there's no such thing as normal porn. Everything about porn is simply unrealistic and gibberish. I realized it when @GhostWriter said it on my journal. Thanks to him and all the other great people on this forum, including you, I am finally able to do it right, if not forever, atleast for some days. Also, I think I will keep doing this for a long time. I hope, you do too. Life will be good to us if we be good to ourselves. I strongly believe it. I hope the best for you. You are strong and brave and a great person. You will make through this.
     
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