My diary

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Coffee Candy, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Ok I understand.. I used to sometimes have hand down there, somehow it just felt reassuring. I stopped doing it.. think it was just habit for me more than anything. But for you maybe having something else to touch would be good, I think that's what I meant by tactile. Like some people use worry beads or some such thing.
     
  2. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Right that's what I feel. But I don't think it's about addiction for me. Idk maybe I can just hold my own hands or something.
     
  3. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Yes that could work or maybe buy a rubiks cube :)
     
  4. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Soooo...

    I'm 5 months clean off pornography and masturbating (alone [which is what gets me in trouble])
    but, I've been sexing online a little..for romantic interests, not just fun and play. I know it's considered an unhealthy behavior and I'm pretty done with it myself, but I want to have that time with who I like/love. I don't want to let time pass by and not engage in that.


    I'll soon sort some things some much needed things out but until then that's what I'm up to.
    Also, It's not an excessive amount.Truly want to be in the same room with somebody if you know what I mean..it's just how things are for right now. ..

    I'm meeting my goals that I have for myself for this moment in time :)


     
  5. Wow, thats excellent. I had no idea you were doing so well, 5 months without porn and masturbation is an awesome achievement and it sounds like you're getting the rest under control too. You should be proud :)
     
  6. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    F857CDAE-D6DB-44C6-89A5-1251C20F6016.jpeg
    Thanks for thinking so. I appreciate your support, bat!
     
  7. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    That is so so weird. I was just thinking about you today. I'm glad to see you're doing OK!
     
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  8. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    This is weirdly nice 2 b informed of :+) I like. Thanks!
     
  9. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hey, it's good to hear from you again! :)

    Wow, 5 months? That's awesome! I'm glad to hear that you've taken care of yourself.

    You sound like you've gotten that online stuff under control. I hope you can find someone so you can feel loved away from the screen.

    Good job!
     
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  10. rebooter920

    rebooter920 Fapstronaut

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    hi your really doing well and praying that you are doing well .

    so after doing your 5 months tell your experience that how you come out through sexual thoughts
    and second thing is how to handle triggering when you alone
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
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  11. 5 months... that’s really good, you’re doing really well keep it up and never give up. I’m always a message away if you want to talk about things
     
  12. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you :~) You're a sweet P(ea)
     
  13. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    5 months is awesome CC that's a really nice streak, well done!

    :)
     
  14. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, RG. Means a lot.
     
  15. You're so brave ,me and you have the same issue , I take my fetishes way to far, and I've been struggling from porn since I was 8.
     
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  16. I don't embrace my fetishes , but I'm addicted to it it's gay fanfiction. And gay porn , and gay daydreaming
     
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  17. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Hey, welcome to the forum and thanks for the follow - you're in the right place an its never 2 late to stop engaging in certain behaviors ; ). You're brave too for wanting to fight it!
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
  18. Brokenman123

    Brokenman123 Fapstronaut

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    That's awesome. Keep up the good work! You're doing really well!
     
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  19. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    0D23978D-0B21-4EAB-8FAE-41FA09F20C68.jpeg thanks, A
     
  20. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    One of the worst feelings I've ever felt is feeling such an i m m e n se arousal but not being able to receive the ultimate pleasure from, what I deem, normal behaviors/fantasies. I didn't know what to do with it inside of me and pornography definitely didn't relieve it (not that I ever believed it did).
    Like, it's true I am hypersexual but..it was ten times worse not having climaxes from natural things. It felt like I would implode...I'd give and give (to my partner) as if that would make up for my lack of climax (not that he was giving me a hard time about it but for myself))...as if his climaxes/pleasures were my own lacking pleasures and climax.
    Does that make sense? Sort of weird.. I was pretty empty though...
    I do in general gain quite a bit of pleasure from giving pleasure, but not all the reasons I did them for and to the extents I went to gain pleasure were healthy.

    It's really lonely to not be able to climax from sexting even now, not that it's too important or special to me anymore, but..it still is. But that's the way it is ffor now. Sometimes when I do it through sexting I feel sort of like a robot... but I am aroused, I just can't climax. I think I'm (in a way) shy of performing, in actuality as well. Sometimes I just get dry because I'm nervous...
    So the only way I can climax is by myself, for some reason, I can't even do it to received things by myself... ;~; If/ when I do it I just do it to the feeling of my own touch..no fantasies or else they would become abnormal or/and worse, evil.
    I have a theory that I need a lot of stuff to climax (whilst sexting..but if I'm quite honest I need quite a bit of stimulation in actuality since I struggle..) ..sort of like edgers need a lot of stimulation before climaxing... (though I know they purposely edged at the beginning, like they didn't want to nut yet.. but after some time it's not their own choice anymore if you ask me, they need more and more stuff ..not to edge but just to get aroused enough to start the edging ride.) so I'm still used to pornography even though I haven't watched it in a while..so what my brain (is telling me that it ) still needs is a lot of videos of certain varieties..one after another. of what ever I'd like them to be.. But sexting doesnt work that way, does it ~ :b You don't get to see the same scene over and over again from a variety of different humans with different attributes and mannerisims..etc...you don't get to see eaach and every specific thing you want to see them do, because you don't control the person you're sexting with, they're not your fantasies. Pornography videos have categories and videos of just 1 or two specific actions that you can watch a dozen people do in their own specific/creative ways.... I don't know.. Anyways...

    It's almost like I can't do it with any given material with anyone in any way..like it's jinxed.. but that's not true, thank goodness, because I can in bed from certain things. (normal things. still quite hard to achieve but i haven't put it to the test in a long time sooo idk about now but it used 2 b)
    I enjoy giving pleasure, but I'm done with it being so one sided.. it's also not so enjoyyable for the other person if they can't give you climaxes so I fear and it may very well be I'm boring to them ;~; Every man wants to make a girl climax.. it's of high importance.
    So that's pressurous and doesn't help.. it makes me freak out more... whether it's in the same room or not.

    I just want to be able to climax naturally like otther women do...
    it's my goal.


     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018

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