My diary

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Coffee Candy, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. Finally some update from you:)
     
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  2. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for reading, Fehr
     
  3. You are doing awesome! No p or m, so don't be down on yourself for flirting!! We are all here supporting you sister. You are cared about here!!
     
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  4. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for stopping by and for the encouraging comment.
     
  5. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hello!

    I've wanted to read your journal for a while now, and I'm glad to say I've finally done!

    I'm struggling with a fetish too, but we're getting there, right? The healing process will help us out.

    It's good to hear that you're doing so well. Can't wait for future installments!

    Also, I feel confident that one day you will find the one to be with. You'll feel loved enough to be able to not need to go online for validation. I know it!

    See ya later!
     
  6. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    Wow, well thank you for reading. Aw, fetishes are hard to deal with. I hope you're progressing in dealing with yours.

    Thanks for your kind words of hope for me and your assurance!
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2018
  7. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I think I do pretty well while being watched. It's sort of like accountability but like I think it's because it's shameful to let a relapse be known( though I know it's ok to feel that and/or that we shouldn't feel that) if I should relapse that really makes it less of a struggle to relapse for me personally.
    I've been working on these streaks for a while before even joining the forum but definitely more seriously and with more progress after joining the forum. I've been working on it for almost two years now and I almost feel like saying but I can't say that I'm past the struggle of relapsing because when I'm alone (away from anyone that I have to be accountable to)I don't do too well..





     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2018
  8. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Still having sexual nightmares but it's nice when finally waking up from them. I know it's just part of me letting go and becoming stronger. I also know that if I were to watch pornography that it wouldn't facilitate the issue of nightmares when I do stop watching.

    They're really disturbing :/


     
  9. SanctionedUser001

    SanctionedUser001 Fapstronaut

    Firstly Porngraphy is really bad for u so dont watch it..
    Secondly u r talking about when u dont watch porn u see flashback or nightmare.Flashback is just normal.So dont react on it...
    Dont think too much about nofap or porn just do ur daily work which really matter in ur life...
     
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  10. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    Always hold yourself accountable you’re not alone friend. And whenever you feel distressed you can always come here and talk to us. Don’t let yourself be. You’re in control and you will prevail.
     
  11. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    It ended with that guy... :c I am quite a little more bummed than I thought I would be as I was more fond of him than I thought...
    Oh well


    I haven't had sex in a while now (not by choice) but it's been good for me. In one year and a half I'll be available to do that because my circumstances will change. I want to be prepared/ ready for those possible relations as I didn't make the wisest choices in my past...
    Not only for that, but I have a lot of preparation to do in general for when this period of change comes. So I have one year and a half and I'm going to try to stay on here I guess. Also maybe I will need some support (I assume mostly to not watch pornography) for when the change happens... I unno.. it's possible.

    The craving for it (sex) is becoming pretty strong but I must try not to think about it..
    Also I'm sort of depressed because I'm already twenty-three and soon I'll be twenty-four and in one year and a half I'll be 25 :/ I already feel sort of old, personally, and only having it at 25 again (most likely) .. It's just sort of saddening.. though I know I shouldn't think I'm old already I sort of do. So three things are making me sad: the amount of time that is passing till I can once have it again, the age I'll be as well as how old I'll feel at that age .. *kicks a rock*

    I don't know if I want or feel the need to restart my streak ~ If my streak had viewable counter below it would say "Meeting my goals" by the way. Though I'm doing no PMO.
    Some users have messaged to tell me their opinion that it's not quite necessary to have to reset and that it is up to me..

    Hmm.

     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2018
  12. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I think I'm just going to do no pornography and I personally think that's really good in and of itself for me...

    Idk what to say. I have some things going on but I'm not ready to share..

    I feel sort of bad that I'm not updating my journal or that I haven't been consistent with what I say but ya.. I appreciate the support thats been given to me I dont wanna lose it..




     
  13. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    That sounds great! I think you'll be very happy with your commitment.

    It's okay, take your time.

    You're fine, it's all good, you can update when you feel comfortable.

    You have a good day. :)
     
  14. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I have an odd bad habit.. pretty much, when I'm particularly anxious while without pants on which is usually at night lol, although sometimes it happens when i have shorts on (in privacy), I'll cup (like grab) my kitty with my hand and just hold it :oops:. Not only that but if I don't have pants on I'll sort of rub it over my underwear though it's not sexually stimulating, it's just comforting... sometimes I do it in my sleep like if I'm really anxious like, as I hate sleeping around someone who's awake, (a long time ago) my former lover was watching me which made me anxious while mid sleep and I'm pretty sure I engaged in that weird little habit.

    I've though about this...and maybe I should really stop because not only is it infantile-ish, to cup myself that way, but also maybe it's a sort of stimulation that I shouldn't engage in any more..


    I heard that touching yourself while you're in pain helps the pain.. laugh at me b/c I heard it in Grey's Anatomy lol, there was a guy in pain, and he was M'ing compulsively while there to ease his pain...
    though I'm not in pain, maybe it's the same kind of thing..but I forgot I do this when I have really bad menstrual cramps too...

    Hm.

    Maybe I should just hold on to a stuffed animal.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
  15. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    I totally get where you're coming from! Sometimes I just shove my hands down my pants either because my hands are freezing or because It's comforting. Not in a PMO kind of way but like when you're visiting an old friend something to that affect.

    A stuffed animal could be a good substitution. I hope it works for you!
     
  16. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Hey why not, if it would help with urges.. Sounds like you're a very tactile person so do what you need!
     
  17. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I've definitely seen guys do this.


    Thanks, I hope so too
     
  18. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for commentingg, Retro Girl c: I searched up the definition to the word tactile and I think it means you're saying I'm really affected by touch and have a sense of touch. Hmm lol, maybe so...
     
  19. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    You're welcome, yes I think maybe touch is important to you? For me also but maybe more it is mental addiction, I don't know.. but perhaps having something to hold and touch instead would work well for you.

    :)
     
  20. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure what you're asking me. Is my own touch important to me? I don't know. When I do that, the cupping, it feels like I'm holding myself, sort of like a hug.. sort of like holding myself together. But I don't know why I do the genie lamp rubbing lol.

    These aren't done too often..
    But, perhaps :+)
     

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