My diary

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Coffee Candy, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Do you struggle with social anxiety? That's nice to hear and sweet of your friends..
    all I can say is keep it up.
    Yah. I made a comment on a thread about lustful thoughts but erased it lol. It basically said the same thing. Also towards strangers, instead of wondering/checking them out in a lustful way we should remember they are a human being (lol) they have negatives and positives, maybe a love interest/life, and like just wonder dinky /personal things about them from afar :b.
    I sort of struggle with this... Mostly because I'm sort of an empty person for the moment so I am concerned with other things and am sort of lacking so it makes sense to my situation and self that I'm concerned in a flirtatious way, too preocuppied w/ lustful things and stuff towards others.
    But I am working on myself .

    ;~; Ok. It's hard but it's sometimes so amazing to make eye contact.

    Okay will maybe do so lol : ) thanks.

     
  2. SanctionedUser001

    SanctionedUser001 Fapstronaut

    Pmo is one of the biggest case of social anxiety.See me m on day 205 and still facing pmo side affect.I mean social anxiety.Pmk destroy everything.Speacilly our confidence....
     
  3. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    Yes in deed I struggled with social anxiety and I kinda still do it’s a work in progress.
    But this one time that gave me alot of self esteem was when I approached a girl after I was standing still watching her for like half an hour I remember then I had like a hundred voices inside my head each one saying a possible outcome and most of them discouraging me but then she started to move to the section that’s when I realized that If I didn’t go talk to her I’ll lose my chance forever and I gathered all my strength and I did go talk to her we are now really good friends and she told me she was a bit flattered by my courage to come up and talk to her. This event actually made me realize that it’s not as I imagined it and none of the stupid scenarios inside me head came to life
    Actually that boasted my self esteem alot and I started being extra social :)

    And I’ve actually been an empty person for a lot of time and my increased PMO activity back then made me check out each lady passing by me without even noticing I kinda did it unconsciously until I was a maniac but I’ve had a wake up call and thank God I minimized that as mich as I could I still do it to be completely honest but I’ve reduced it alot

    About the eye contact it’s really amazing and it helps you establish a connection with the other person and give them a sense of interest in them :)
     
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  4. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Hmm :-( My hormones have been a little off I won't say why but that I do know the cause..Will be fixed soon.

    but I as I was traveling in and out of airports and planes all I could think of when I came into contact with men was
    sex and dick lol
    I sat in the middle for one flight next to one man and during the night as I was trying hard to sleep while he was in deep sleep he put his arm on the arm rest and it touched mine and I was freezing (we both had our little blankets over ourselves btw) and he was so warm :( which helped me sleep a little.. but just the touch was pretty sentimantally overwhelming (not just the little arousal, but loneliness and nostalgia lol) but it didn’t last long( the sentiments nor the touch itself) . he was married, his wife was on the side across from him she had an empty seat next to her he was across beside her but not next to her. My dad asked previously about their seating situation so that he could sit next to us but idk it was weird..didn’t work out. Maybe she’s claustrophobic or something she didn’t even lay down or use the extra seat.... Anyways, we gave them the main parts of our breakfast because we weren’t hungry at 1 a.m. Logically. :b then I felt a little better inside. Anyways, then there was this guy on the other side of my mom and I think he had night wood and... i kept checking over a little :oops::oops:

    :(

    Anyways, now I am home...
     
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  5. P325687

    P325687 Fapstronaut

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    It takes someone with courage and someone who truly wants help to admit they have a fetish (especially the gross ones) I understand what you’re going through. You just want to keep that to yourself as it’s not something others will understand if they are not going through it themselves. They just assume that you’re are gross but it’s not something that you want. It’s also so hard especially when it’s not really common.

    I hope everything works out for you, message me to chat if you need to
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2018
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  6. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I do agree with you. We should toast to each other –:emoji_champagne_glass:

    Yeah,
    It’s really very lonely...

    It isn’t nice to know that you’re dealing with the same thing as I am but it is nice to meet another that understands especially a female and one that wants to battle it...!

    Thanks, will do.
     
  7. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    Actually I admire your courage to acknowledge and admit your fantasies
    That’s the first step for recovery so you can know what you’re fighting exactly I believe that’ll make fighting a bit easier

    And about loneliness when you find a solution for that I’d be really grateful if you told me the solution for that.

    I believe you’re on your way to recovery so stay strong and power through
     
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  8. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Well thank you. I bet you're right.

    Okay, I promise. I'm sorry that you're lonely too.

    Thank you for your encouragement.
     
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  9. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    You don’t need to thank me we’re all here to catch each other’s backs right? :D
     
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  10. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    :emoji_disappointed_relieved: Not behaving so well... .

    Nothing to say right now/ for a while I don't think.
     
  11. Elias Smith

    Elias Smith Fapstronaut

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    Not sure exactly what you mean, but I can tell you this - on this site there is no judgement, only support. Don't feel you have to tell us anything you don't want to. BUT I hope you won't stay away for too long. You can get through this.
     
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  12. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Well before you stay quiet "...for a while...", I want you to do so on a parting note: If we utilized "...Not behaving so well..." as our measuring stick, I submit to you there would be no forum and no point of discussion. The point being, I assure you, most of us, in one capacity or another, is "...Not behaving so well..." He who lives in a glass house shouldn't be casting any stones, or "He who is without sin, cast the first stone" if a biblical reference is your preference. Please stick around. I learn something in here every day.
     
  13. i agree with GhostWriter, feeling support from people here is benefit itself, we want you here....
     
  14. Hey, don't beat yourself up, we've all been there. If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay, but just know that we're all rooting for you. I hope you get back at it soon and good luck :)
     
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  15. Muphy

    Muphy Fapstronaut

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    Everybody in this world is suffering for some kind of problem.
    Some have small some have big..
    Some even ask help in small problems and which are not exactly problems.. and some don't even ask even if they are on verge of death.

    There is nothing cool about having the problem to yourself and not disclosing to anyone. That coolness is good only in tv screen but not in real life.

    The people who have not suffered a particular situation will make fun of others problems.. but who have faced even a bit of a real problem will never makke fun of others.

    Same thing with love. Those who have never fallen in love .. try to describe themselves as cool .. awesome.. non bending.. but the same person if fell in love ( doesn't matter successful or hear breaking) will understand the beauty of it.

    So first of all there is nothing wrong in accepting your problem. By accepting you are bringing that into reality and trying to solve it.

    I remember 5 years back , after few days of having sex.. I got rashes on my whole body and blood peeping out of those. I searched on internet and got to know that these are some symptoms of herpes. I was very much depressed. I was afraid to go to a doctor as I didn't wanted to disclose it as I was too ashamed to find out and tell to somebody.

    After few weeks I found an online forum and there they suggested that walk down to a doctor in another city and tell there about the problem and get treatment.
    I finally went to the doctor in the nearby city and found out that it was just a viral infection. Then I tried to remember everything and got that I took a medicine that week which was expired a long time ago. And had nothing to do with the physical relation.

    My point is, after accepting it and telling about it means you are bringing your fear into reality and you have taken the first step to solve that problem. Else I'd be thinking that I am having herps for the rest of my life which will not going to get end well.

    Have a string heart and do try to improve.

    And about people laughing.
    Dear, let them laugh and let them think. This is our problem and we are going to solve it in this forum. We are all here to support you and will ask support when we need it.

    A big family.
    :)

    All the best.
     
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  16. Muphy

    Muphy Fapstronaut

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    I'd like you change your name from number1disgrace to something cool.

    You are not a disgrace to anyone.
    Have some confidence and let it flow. Don't be ashamed and take a step towards positiveness. :)
     
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  17. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Nice journal! good support everyone
     
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  18. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    Wow, that's a pretty terrifying situation that you went through. You were so courageous... I'm glad it wasn't what you were thinking you had, what a relief right!:emoji_weary:

    I see what you're saying here and I appreciate the message dearly ~
     
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  19. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate all the support on here from you guys, thank you.

    :emoji_sunflower:
     
  20. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Fapstronaut

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    I knowww I said I wasn't going to flirt online ~ although I didn't try very hard not to I ended up choosing to :emoji_grimacing:...because I'm feeling lonely in heavy particular ways. An involvement with a guy recently ended around the time I joined this forum as I've previously stated..and It was complicated..but I didn't want to think about it anymore quite as constantly as I had been, it wasn't and still isn't very good for me (as I still think about it) and so i dont know, I just wanted to flirt a little online..and I wasn't taking it to any deep levels, but then I met this guyyyy:rolleyes:..and I'm sort of fond about him.. though I don't think any thing will work out. But for the time being and till it most likely ends I think I will just talk to him...
    I will restart my counter when that happens..
    though I haven't fully crossed any true lines I know I should restart it as I imagine noone here heavily flirts while on their streak and it wouldn't be fair.. it makes me a little sad but not completely Beeeecauseee
    I still haven't touched myself nor watched pornography. Heh.
    I feel a little pleased about it but I've been having quite odd dreams (nighmares i suppose) of touching myself .. it makes me feel cold-sweaty in sentiment....



    but I'm keeping myself busy , sitting on my hands, and trying to stay as positive as I can...

     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018

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