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MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT HIS ADDICT

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Jay25, Jun 11, 2017.

  1. Jay25

    Jay25 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, guys!
    My boyfriend told me about this addict.
    Sorry by me English, It is not my home language.
    So... he confides in me. And I love him so much! Well.. I really want to help him, But I don't know how.
    LADIES, PLEASE, TELL ME HOW YOU HELP YOUR PARTNERS.
    AND BOYS, TELL ME WHICH KIND OF SUPPORT YOU NEEDS!!
    S.O.S
    I'm really Sad and feeling unable.
    He asked me to punish him, he told that when he masturbate, he gonna tell me when he faps and I can do some punishment, like a month without Kiss him, for example.... But I don't think that is the best way.
    We are togheter since may 2016. Now he is having erectile dysfunction. I feel that he is worried about it.
    Help, please! Someone!
     
  2. thereal

    thereal Fapstronaut

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    support him and tell him you want what's best for him. it's gonna be his battle, not yours
     
  3. The_Monk

    The_Monk Guest

    No need of punishment and all. He should be commited rather than considering the failure and only you can support him in this. Tell him to realise his addiction and to accept it and to adapt a new addiction rather than pmo addiction. Remember, an addiction can only be beaten by the other addiction. Tell him to workout daily. Tell him to help himself and help others on NoFap. Tell him the hazards of pmo addiction. Pmo addiction can have a serious bad impact on you both. Tell him to stay away from technologies for few days. Tell him that i will give you a reward everytime if you quit this for a considerable amount of time, rather than punishment. Tell him you are not alone in this fight.
     
  4. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forum. It takes a special woman to want to support their partner. However, you need to be careful and not do all the work for him. The addict needs to take primary responsibility for his treatment. He needs to do research and gain understanding. He needs to form a plan of attack. He needs to talk to someone like a therapist or get an Accountability Partner on this site. He needs to make changes to his routine, behavior, thinking, and emotions.

    It is not your job to be his policeman, therapist, priest, or mother. If he is taking responsibility for his recovery then he should be appreciative for any extra support he gets from you. If he is taking responsibility then he will not be angry with you if he fails. You also have wounds and injuries that need healing too. Your primary responsibility is to yourself, and whatever is left over can be used to help your boyfriend.

    If you do too much for him then you can become an enabler. There are no shortcuts or ways to stop being addicted any easier. It's hard work that the addict needs to do. They are the ones that need to discovery why porn is so attractive to them and learn ways to cope with their stress and anxiety in healthier ways.

    If your boyfriend does his research and comes up with a plan then he can share with you how he specifically needs help. In general, punishments are not good and reinforces the idea that he is a bad person. Punishments should be used against someone who refuses to change, not for failures.

    Basically you can do these things... encourage him, express hope, commend progress, get him to communicate, educate yourself by reading books/websites on addiction, and listen to his epiphanies and discoveries about himself. A good idea might be to establish exceptions/boundaries/consequences. Carve out time everyday to express yourself and hear about his progress (but not hear about every little detail or indiscretion). Get out of the house and do things that don't require a computer. Do things as a couple. Keep his brain engaged in healthy activities.

    Hopefully these ideas can get you started.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2017

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