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My boyfriend is on nofap, refuses to sex.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Natalie257, Apr 18, 2017.

  1. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    Agreed, as stated there can be consequences. The OP appears to only be the girlfriend of this person. They don't really have a dedicated obligation to each other, so there's no hard and fast rule that he has to include her, just as there is nothing making her stay.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  2. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    The OP probably does not want to hear that she needs to learn how to control herself.:D
     
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Ummmm no I don't think she needs to learn to control herself. Wanting to have sex in a committed relationship is a normal and reasonable expectation. When women deny men sex the men go crazy and most say it gives them grounds to cheat but if a woman wants sex or more sex she just needs to learn to control herself. Can you imagine a female partner telling a man hey look I can't have sex with you for 90 days cause I'm doing this reboot thing? Honestly how many men in that situation would be as supportive and as understanding as the male addicts on here are asking their female partners to be? I would guess less than 20% and those 20% would complain and be angry and resentful and then tell him hey dude just learn to control yourself! You are showing your gender bias my friend in thinking that sex means more to a man than it does to a woman when in fact it means just as much to a woman sometimes more. And the belief that women should just be more understanding than men. I truly read some of these posts from male addicts and think there is no way a man would do for his woman what he's asking her to do now. Hey honey I can't get off with you I can only get off by watching other men who are much hotter than you are so to fix this we need to stop having sex completely and during that time I will most likely slip up and continue to look at videos of those other men and MO and lie to you about it all while you are going without to try to help me recover. And when you bring it up or get mad I will shut you down. I will ogle other men in front of you and I will tell you that I'm not in the mood to have sex with you and go into the next room and MO to other men. Now how many men are going to be okay with that and "just control" themselves.
     
  4. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Sure, but wanting sex multiple times a day is hardly a normal and reasonable expectation... especially when your partner doesn't. I believe her partner wanted to have sex once every two or three days. So this is hardly 'denying' her. Why couldn't she respect that? The mind boggles..... umm... perhaps because she was a bit self-centered... and had an out of control libido herself.... treating him like a walking dildo.

    You're missing the context and particulars ... and going off into generalizations here that are completely irrelevant to this case.

    Anyway, I think most men can restrain themselves to sex twice a week with their significant other if that is what they want... and perhaps even count themselves lucky that they are getting it that often. But there are always exceptions to the rule.. no matter what the sex.

    Here is the OP:
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2017
    Time2FixThis likes this.
  5. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    They're not in a committed relationship, they're only dating. There is no contractual obligation to care for each other's needs.

    Again, if he cares about her, he should involve her.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    They live together and she calls him her boyfriend?
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  7. Rockhold

    Rockhold Fapstronaut

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    You are asking us why your boyfriend doesn't want sex? That's like asking why humans drink water... i.e. equally stupid.
     
  8. kordin

    kordin Fapstronaut

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    wat
     
  9. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    That's not a contractual obligation. At most, they have a rental or similar agreement to be roommates.
     
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    A committed relationship does not mean you have to be legally married.
     
  11. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    I think ultimately, we are going to come down to subjective points of view and will likely not come to agreement. Without some kind of stake placed, I don't feel it meets a commitment, though there may be a tentative agreement. For those who are religious, they make a binding oath. For others, they make a contractual marriage obligation. Short of that, there's nothing that stops a person from just walking out with little to no consequences, IMO.
     
  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's what you or I view as committed that matters I think it's what the people in the relationship view it as. You can walk away from a marriage any day too and people do all the time. The woman in this post clearly believed she was in a committed relationship by her standards, sharing a home, agreeing to be exclusive so it's not our place to tell her whether it is or not.
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  13. MaxHeadroom

    MaxHeadroom Fapstronaut

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    This has turned interesting. Two people in a relationship that live together in most states are in a domestic partnership. They are both subject to arrest for domestic violence in most states as well even if only dating which means the government believes them to be in an actual domestic partnership. They are both in a romantic relationship and had sex prior to his rebooting. There IS an obligation to care for each others needs mentally, physically and emotionally even if you are just dating someone. Mutual respect, trust and intimacy are all part of a healthy relationship. To tell her she needs help getting her libido under control is judging her unfairly and not doing anything to help her with this issue.

    To an extent yes she should be supportive of him but at the same time it is causing a strain on their relationship and her sense of normalcy is no longer there. He is essentially taking away what she needs for what he needs. There is a good chance he may lose this relationship because of the reboot at which time he will find himself alone without sex or a partner which may cause depression and a severe relapse and then he is back to square one minus his girlfriend. There has to be compromise. They need to sit down, have a long discussion about a way to make this work and be supportive of each other.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2017
  14. Littlelife

    Littlelife Fapstronaut

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    I totally get where the OP is coming from - though not to her extent.
    My PA SO and I have sex maybe once every 2-3 months. If it was up to me, I would be engaging in sexual activity a few times a week - maybe more.
    I have a very high libido but we have spoken at huge lengths about his problems with ED and P. I am respectful of his decisions surrounding sexual contact.
    Of course I want it way more than he does, but I understand why he doesn't. He is on his second longest streak so far, and I am really looking forward to our newfound sex life on the other side of this addiction - and that keeps me going!

    So whilst I respectfully disagree with her need for sex multiple times a day to feel loved (that certainly points towards a deeper issue within herself), I do think that after 8 months of a reboot that they should have at least spoken about their mutual sexual desires within their relationship.
     
  15. Blueballs83

    Blueballs83 Fapstronaut

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    My goodness, this is the last thing I need to read right now.... a chick that wants sex really bad
     
  16. Littlelife

    Littlelife Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean by this?
     

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