My addiction history

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by nathan840413, Nov 18, 2017.

  1. nathan840413

    nathan840413 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi I’m Nathan I’m a 33 year old male from the uk. I have a wife and 2 wonderful children. I recently got into some serious trouble from my online activity. After doing so I have been trying to find out why I have been watching excess porn and material that I do not find exceptable. I have been reading YBOP for the last few days and a lot of the problems and scenarios stated I can relate to. I started watching porn I think around the age of 11. My father always had a collection of videos and it wasn’t too hard for me to find them. When we finally got internet at our house I had a desktop pc in my room which I used mainly to watch porn. I lost my virginity at 15 and had no problems getting an erection, but the following year after having a few sexual encounters I found myself limp in the heat of the moment. I found this happened with almost every sexual partner I’ve had. I would often embarrassingly lie that it was because I was taking steroids. This left me feeling a bit of a freak and questioning my sexuality. I’ve always thought that watching porn was a normal part of a mans life and that if I didn’t watch it I wasn’t normal. By the sounds of my recent research it has been my very problem. I have been with my wife for the past 13 years, during this time I have always watched porn. It got so bad at one point, that any time I had to myself I would find myself masturbating to porn, and sometimes things that I find absolutely appalling. I have brought a lot of shame and problems to my family from my addiction to porn and I’m currently trying to rebuild our lives. A massive concern to me is the lack of education around the effects of porn use. I think more needs to be done. I am currently on a no masturbation, no porn fast. I’m currently on day 10 and am getting erections constantly. I am determined though that I will over come all my problems. I owe it to my loved ones!!!!
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2017
  2. ILoathePorn

    ILoathePorn Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on wanting to get porn out of your life and wanting to improve not only your life but that of your families as well. Over time you will see that it will be the best thing you have ever done. That being said, this is a long tough journey so be patient and always be on guard. I recommend starting a journal so you can keep track of your progress. Create a set of rules that you would consider a relapse and set some goals. Identify your triggers, those will probably change as you journey forward. Create a plan of action so that when you are feeling triggered you can enact it immediately without thinking. This can save you precious seconds and help you not to relapse. If you do relapse, don't be hard on yourself. Learn from what happened and revamp your rules, goals and plan of action and start again. Don't discount the time that you put in prior, those are all successes. Build off of all of that. I believe you will be successful. The mind will also play tricks on you eventually and try to trick you into watching porn. Don't let it, you are in control. A lot of times people will have wet dreams when they stop PMO. That is normal so don't freak out and it is not considered a relapse. Stay with it and you will be happier for it. Stay strong! You have joined an phenomenal community.
     
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  3. nathan840413

    nathan840413 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I will definitely start a journal. I will post my progress
     

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