Moonshot's Pathetic Journaling attempt! Vol 1

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Moon Shot, May 15, 2018.

  1. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    It's day 1 and so far no urges. At all. No struggle. Like I've commented somewhere, I don't feel alone, afraid or overwhelmed. A powerful support is backing me up and I hope I reach my short term goal of 30 days! Wish me luck, guys! Long-term is utter annihilation of this bull, but baby steps, baby steps. Here's a link to my two intros: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/hello.172630/ and https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/hello-again.172658/

    A link to Vol 2 ( ie 'A Moon Shot') :https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/moonshots-pathetic-journaling-attempt.172685/
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2018 at 4:16 AM
  2. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Did I say no struggle? Hah, not really that easy. 30 days... wow, I'm just weeping on the inside. No urges though; I'm afraid as shi--, but I'm Not backing down I'm afraid, but I won't give up. It won't be easy giving up a habit that is designed to destroy my life but PMO is going down!
     
  3. pillan24

    pillan24 Fapstronaut

    Bro, I thought this when I was at 0 days too. You will get there.
     
  4. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Arigato, @pillan24. It's not easy, but then again, is there anything worth achieving in this life that is easy? :) Each step of mine is a step backwards down the path I've strayed. And NoFap's community is basically rallying all my efforts... Thanks again, bro.
     
  5. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Now, a little more than an hour before Day 1, or should I say 0? is over. No urges. The tips of shoelaces are called what again? Courtesy, a Phineas and Ferb flashback...
     
  6. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Eyyy... day 0 is over onto day 1 peoples! No urges so far, but we'll see. Have no clue how to update the day counter... and I pride myself on being tech savvy :( So...what? Ahhh, uhh, I think my urges are different than yours and vice versa. My modus operandi of urges is quite subtle... it sneaks up behind me and stabs me when I'm dreaming. And I'm dreaming big, people. Real big. In the long run, I'm doing this for me, for my future, for my mum. There's a lot to do before I rest, 'miles to go before I sleep....' (Robert Frost)
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2018 at 3:44 AM
  7. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    I think maybe jotting down some of my weapons would give me a better grip on the situation at hand. Apologies, actually my counter's set to go off in 21 minutes. `That's why it's 0 days yet. But anyway tactics:

    1) It's plain as day that joining NoFap was one of the greatest decisions of my relatively short lifespan. The community is the most supportive thing next to baby panda pics. I'm not so scared. Scared still, but just not so...

    2) Creatively investing myself in words, namely reading and writing will change my life. It helps. A lot. Actually, constructive investments in anything works as a tonic. Meditation...

    3) An attitude I think is theoretically sound is one I would like to develop from 'A Beautiful Mind,' ignoring the demons and all that. Theoretically sound. Practically, I'm not there yet. The sudden images that wreck havoc to me and leave me shuddering in a cold sweat are still as powerful as they have ever been. The demons won't leave me alone! *Sighs deeply* I need to pull myself together to make this work. It's worth this fight. Each drop of sweat, blood and tears solidifies into my next stepping stone, my next milestone...
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2018 at 7:20 AM
  8. Forging Myself

    Forging Myself Fapstronaut

    Hi. @LiquidShoes brought me here to your journal and I must say I am impressed with your writing skills.

    I will be following you from here on out so keep fighting.I look forward to seeing you succeed.

    BTW I think you already figured this out but the counter will update automatically every 24 hrs.
     
    Moon Shot and LiquidShoes like this.
  9. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    @Forging Myself. Beautiful name, by the way. I could write the letters 'T', 'H', 'A', 'N', 'K' and 'S' but they don't come close to expressing m gratitude. You just gotta believe it, I am grateful. :)
     
    Forging Myself likes this.
  10. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    For my next trick, I'm going to make the number 1 disappear from my day counter! Relapsed. It feels like shi-. I feel like shi-. I MO'd, didn't watch P thankfully, but I feel like shi-. Call me weird, but I was sort of expecting this, hoping for it in a way. I had this perception that without a relapse I wouldn't be termed 'successful.' I let the urges sway me... I let them define me today. But not again. They defined me today, but not tomorrow. Tomorrow is still mine... I'm not throwing in the towel just yet...
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2018 at 1:56 AM
    Forging Myself likes this.
  11. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    I think I ought to dedicate one decent piece to this journaling attempt. Look at me write! Haha... *Deep breath* I debated with myself as to whether or not to write the following words for quite some time. Then I laughed at myself. NoFap follows a simple, simple algorithm. Your motivation to change your life for the better has to be greater than the motivation to engage in PMO habits and habituations.

    My motivation to extract myself from a shallow life runs deep. I want my life back, I want my future, I want to mean something before I sleep and this is for me, my future and my mum. I would like to share my story. Gather round friends, and listen to my tale...I AM NOT WRITING FOR A PITY PARTY, PLEASE. I HAVE MOVED ON... My main motive now is the reclamation of my life. Don't sympathise. Celebrate with me.

    In 2016, something happened. In 2016, my father left us for some transient bimbo. Years in The States. Years. I'm writing now from India, I'm back home. I want to stop, but I won't stop. Catharsis, maybe. I need to share this for me and so that you, dear reader, too will see PMO's endgame. The funny thing? Unlike Mama, I didn't shed a tear. Not a single drop escaped these dry eyes. I have no idea whether I'm repressing emotions or not but that's not the issue now. More likely is that I didn't share a bond with my dad. He left home early every day and came back very, very late. That's why it's easier, I guess. It's probable that I'll end up chained up to a therapist for life sorting out my 'issues.' He had already booked the tickets with his slut to the Virgin Islands before dumping us. He's living in the States, and he's living the life. No acknowledgement of the years my mother sacrificed her professional career for him. So what he's following a law to send a pittance? That same law has left him roaming still... He is living the life. No restrictions. No boundaries.

    Let me paint you a better image of him. Keep in mind that I have no intention of slandering him or defaming him; he's anonymous-We pity him and pray for him, I think. Observe:

    He suffers deeply from all kinds of substance abuse, Chronic NPD, sex addiction and is a pathological PMO user. Not the kind of old man you'd look up to as a role model. Heh-heh, the difference between him and you, friends? He's not seeking help or support... An empty shell of a man is what he is. As someone once said, 'Wherever you go, there you are...' Never satisfied with one woman, never happy in one place too long... that's the life he lives. A new shade of meaning to 'the living dead', isn't it? That woman dumped him this Feb or April. I'll spare you details. Why am I, a no one, writing this? Fellow fapstronauts, just see the end game! This is the end-game. PMO strips you of your life force. You are not 'you' anymore. You are a marionette, obeying the wished and commands of the addiction.

    I have his gene ingrained in me, and it may be too late for me. But I won't give up. Neither will you. We can change. We are change. Relapsed once? It's okay. Relapsed again? It's okay. Once more? Again? Again? Get back up. Nothing beautiful in this world has ever been achieved without shedding blood. You live only once. You don't need the motivation to change, you need action. Motivation is a by-product...There is no end-game to this struggle unless it is the destruction of this nightmare. Fight once! Once more! Again! And Again!

    Celebrate with me! Lol, he saved us from Trump. Gotta hand it to him. Another funny thing? That slut contacted my mom and asked for forgiveness. And my mom accepted! Plot twist! Heh, they're best of friends now, so miracles are possible. Both victims of a psychopath, so that's that. Remember my words, remember that. Fight the fight.

    I was wrong about my dad's end-game though... Karma's a bitch. We're waiting for his.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2018 at 5:45 AM
    Forging Myself and LiquidShoes like this.
  12. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Thinking about deleting the above message soon. We'll see.:rolleyes: Another thing I'd like to mention. My mum and I have a 'Kick Anniversary' and we're celebrating it for the first time this July 13th. It's almost humorous now. Almost :)
     
    Forging Myself and LiquidShoes like this.
  13. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    1 day has elapsed! A strong feeling of deja vu is in the air... ;P Just realised that PMO is not my only struggle. What I mean is, OCD of some form can be grappled with too in this pathetic journal. PMO is directly proportional to the increased internet consumption without NoFap. With NoFap, it's entirely different. Just a random equation of sorts.

    No doubt about it, I'm obsessed with NoFap. :p Most definitely, positively obsessed. Well, that's how it is with me and I'm not complaining.

    This addiction is much better than most. It's highly probable that OCD and PMO are entwined beneath this head of hair. This head of hair is soon to be an ex-head of hair at the rate that it's thinning! I'll prefer being bald to displaying a shiny dome with crops of growth all around... A bald twig, not the first of its kind but nevertheless unique enough. :) I'm beating around the bush, I'm not facing the problem. Apologies. What is the root cause of my addiction? Without knowing this, it's like fighting a hydra with the intention of cutting off all its shitty heads. Two more replace one so all I'll manage to do is aggravate the urges. At present, I don't know the answer to the root, nor have I identified all the heads of the monster. I'll let you know if I ever wolf a bolt from the blue.

    Shit, I don't know what I'm going to do. Borrowing a phrase from @Castielle, I could spout off all the motivational nonsense in my possession or quick improvisation, but to what significant purpose? At the end of the day, I'm still me and the urges are still urges. But my relapse was different yesterday. I felt guilt, I always do but somehow I managed to dab it with chloroform and shut it up for a spell, but it was indeed different. I felt guilt, but of another kind. An interesting psychological phenomenon brought to you by none other than NoFap. I'm not planning on experimenting further (is anyone, really?)This guilt was more of feeling that I disappointed my NoFap brethren. They may not give a rat's ass to what I do or what number's showing on my counter, but I feel that guilt. It's like having eyes, not of an accusing demeanour but still watchful, looking at you, expectant, always.

    Deciding what tactics to use is not a small task. Partial Courtesy @LiquidShoes, I've been meditating on the matter of evolution a bit, or whether there really is any matter at all. I won't bore you with my shit, but the day has been promising so far with creative investment. Handwashing has...reduced? Oh, I wouldn't know. Forget about it for now. It's not primarily this debate, but words in general which captivate me and occupy this poor shell of a mind. :) Ah! There you have it- boredom is, if not the root cause, a head no questions asked. I think it is so with a handful of fapstronauts as well. I'm easily bored and so is the next guy. This next guy, too, has the attention span of a table. As someone once said, 'P' is easy to get, pleasurable entertainment so why to bother working a little for fulfilment when cheap, on-the-go entertainment is right at your doorsteps?

    You guys had better inhale this stuff quick, 'cause I am probably going to recycle and regurgitate it in my speeches when I grow up and am famous :p For now, I'll take five.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2018 at 5:49 AM
  14. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    I'm trying to hook up this journal under my avatar... no idea how to do that...
     
    Forging Myself likes this.
  15. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    ? I do not remember saying this
     
  16. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Lol, the Hairy Man post in which I did not partake. :p
     
    Forging Myself likes this.
  17. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    Remember now? Okay, not exactly that phrase but try to brush up your memory or look at the forums
     
    Forging Myself likes this.
  18. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    No, I still don't remember saying that. Not sure where that thread is.
     
  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    The one about some men being more hairy than others? I definitely did not say that, or anything like that, in that thread. I would prefer not to be quoted on something I never said.
     
  20. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

    @Castielle Mate, I would not intend to put words in your mouth. Just reread that thread carefully. Extremely sorry for the misunderstanding. :( I was just using a phrase you used in response to someone which I liked and wanted to use without you know, copying. Again, my sincere apologies!
     
    Forging Myself likes this.

Share This Page