Monk mode

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by Decerebrate, May 6, 2018.

  1. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    I started in Normal mode 27 days ago. After discussion with my SO, (and with her encouragement), I am transitioning to Monk mode.

    Basically, no PMO, edging, or sex for 63 days.

    I have been fighting this fight for a long time. Maybe this will be it. I want to live with intention and decisiveness.

    I have read that a daily journal may be helpful.
     
  2. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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  3. Haking_Life

    Haking_Life Fapstronaut

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    If you focus on that you'll get it.
     
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  4. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Today was awesome! Really good. My family wasn't fighting as usual. The urges were minimal. Life always migrates toward the mean, but today was exceptional. Thank You.
     
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  5. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. It might actually work this time.
     
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  6. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

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    Hi. I am also on monk mode, although targeting 500 days. Might as well be ambitious.
     
  7. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Wow! That is ambitious. Good luck! Keep me informed.
     
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  8. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Today was very busy, which makes it easier. I've been a little down lately, and my coworkers have noticed. I don't think it is NoFap, but it seems to be coincident. That is not really like me at all.

    And I have this AP who I am not sure is going to work out. We will see how it goes.

    "That which we persist in doing becomes easier not because the nature of the task has changed, but because our capacity to do has increased" - Emerson
     
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  9. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

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    I will. Plan to post a full account of my methods day 90.
     
  10. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    29 today. It has been a pretty good day. It was a little difficult, but the urges weren't too bad. Feeling down the last two weeks. I don't think that it is related to NoFap. I am sure it will turn around.

    "The law of the harvest is relentless." As we sow, so shall we reap.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2018
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  11. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    So, my counter jumped from 29 to 31 I guess if I started on 8 April, it would be 31. Bonus!
     
  12. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

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    Keep it going...
     
  13. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Today was remarkably asexual. Maybe because I've been working from 0700 to 2000 hours. Or, maybe this is the flatline they talk about.

    I thought I might journal some of the way I got here. If this is not appropriate, let me know. This will be brief and over time.

    I've been masturbating as long as I can remember. I have memories starting at five years old. I remember being surprised the first time something came out. Decades of baggage.
     
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  14. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    "In the battle of life, it is not the critic that counts" T Roosevelt
     
  15. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

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    Your story is similar to many of us. I was exposed to p at a ridiculously young age..just 6. I have a nephew that age now, his biggest love is dinosaurs. I am not surprised my brain overvalued sex for so long given the plasticity of a six year old brain.
     
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  16. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Day 32. So my story is a little more complicated. I have also had same sex attraction for as long as I remember. Fortunately, I am old enough that there was little porn available. I remember fantasizing about underwear models in catalogs. No internet until I was in my post graduate studies.

    SSA makes everything more difficult. I chose to live a heterosexual life. But it has been difficult, particularly for my wife.

    Part of this process for me has been reflection. I told my wife about ighe SSA before we married, but neither of us expected the porn. Or the couple of times I was unfaithful to her. I have put her through hell, but she didn't leave. I have hurt her terribly.

    Last night, we talked about it. She said (justifiably) that she would not have married me had she know how it would go. That is a bitter pill.

    But it seems there is always a chance for redemption. Even now. I need to drop this and love her as she deserves.

    The problem is the action and commitment tends to wane after the pain subsides. I need to always remember...
     
  17. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    "Something that I learned to do." That is what one of my counselors called SSA. Maybe. That would fit with the sexual assaults I experienced at ages 8 and 12. Not an excuse. How does it all fit? Does it even matter? I am here now - what matters is where I go next.

    I've been successful at about everything i have put my mind to. Except this.

    Though, I am doing better than I ever have. 19 months porn free. 32 days no masturbation. It feels different than it has in the past. Maybe this time I will break out of the gravitational field and assume a higher orbit. A genuine Fapstronaut.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2018
  18. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

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    For me, realising sex is NOT the most important thing in life is key. If you love your wife and think of her as the most important thing in your life, then you need to act like this. I do not have SSA, but some of my sexual fantasies are extreme and bizarre, like ultra submissive stuff, like being degraded and humiliated by women. I see these as just where my sexual brain has gone wrong. I am a biologist, and prefer to think of sex as what it is: an evolutionary mechanism for reproduction. All your sexual behaviours come down to this. My sexual 'preferences' are irrelevant. My wife is the most important person in my life, this has absolutely nothing to do with sex and everything to do with happiness.
     
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  19. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Yea, verily. It is all biology. And I believe that love is the only answer.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2018
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  20. Decerebrate

    Decerebrate Fapstronaut

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    Have you read Edward O Wilson? He wrote a book called "Consilience" that speaks to all aspects of behavior as biology. I really enjoyed it.
     
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