Missed Opportunity With Girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Dec 3, 2018.

  1. I sort of regret that I didn't say something to a girl today.

    There is this girl at my gym, who I think is kinda hot. Granted there are a lot of hot girls at the gym. But this one in particular I remember from the first day I went there over a year ago, when I was meeting with the personal trainer and I was still basically just a scrub. I go to the gym maybe 4-5 times per week and I see her there most days. I usually "take note" of her when she's there. We're both regulars. I've made a point of not trying to approach girls at the gym, so I haven't worried about making any kind of approach on her there.

    Today I was at the grocery store and she was there too shopping, in her workout clothes. Would have been the perfect opportunity to say hi, don't you go to the same gym, etc. And I was thinking this. She came in to the same aisle as me, and I'm sure she had to recognize me. I felt extremely nervous and I was not thinking clearly. If I would have said something, I'm sure I would have stuttered. Instead, she walked right past me, and I didn't say anything. I'm positive she had to have recognized me, and now I looked like a weakling for not saying anything. I will for sure see her again at the gym

    Why am I writing this? Because I want to learn from this. I regret not being a more confident person in this situation. If I had more practice under my belt, I wouldn't have felt so nervous. Ugh this sucks!
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. HuwhiteMale

    HuwhiteMale Fapstronaut

    Def sounds like a missed opportunity. From my limited experience, chicks that I'm just "around" day-to-day at Uni seem almost relieved or pleasantly amused when I speak to them. Most of my peers (guys and girls) seem to hate the awkward silence as much as I do, but are too afraid to initiate conversation with virtual strangers. I think showing that little bit (quite a lot, actually) of courage instantly elevates us in their eyes.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. I had the same thing happen to me at the clothing store. She passed right by me. I didn’t say anything.

    Then just this Sunday same woman was right in front of me at the gym and I was still too intimidated to talk to her. She always has this look on her face that makes me think she doesn’t want anyone bothering her so I never try. But I need to try. If she tells me to bugger off then at least I’ll know for certain how she feels.
     
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  4. Thanks guys. I suppose I can use my regret as a motivator to "do better". I have to have a positive mindset. Instead of thinking of all the bad things that could happen, I need to think of all the good things that could happen. Just like I'm trying to make recovery from PMO more enjoyable/bearable, I have to make approaching women more enjoyable/bearable, and it starts with my mindset. Because if it's only a scary, painful, awkward experience, why would I want to do it? I have to see the good from it, in order to want to do it
     
    torrace likes this.
  5. Well I have approached a lot of women over the years and I still get a little nervous every time not that I worried about being beatin or laughfed at its just its someone new I never talked to before which is very normal, By the way, women that like you wont care how nervous you are
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. On the other hand, I am also thinking that I'm making too big a deal out of this. I was happily going about my business at the grocery store, and then I put all this pressure on myself when I saw her. I succumbed to the mindset of "I have to do SOMETHING!". When really, I don't have to do anything
     
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  7. HuwhiteMale

    HuwhiteMale Fapstronaut

    There's this idea in the PUA community that guys should think of coming from a "position of plenty" - real or imagined. Basically, tell yourself you don't need any particular girl because there are so many to choose from and you always have options. It takes the pressure off your interaction, because you aren't expecting anything from her and in the grand scheme of things she is just another girl. Say it and believe it, and you'll be confident in it. Then girls will see your confidence and lackadaisical attitude and be intrigued and attracted.
     
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  8. NothingMoreNothingLess

    NothingMoreNothingLess Fapstronaut

    30
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    SuperFurryThing I've read some of your threads here a couple of times when I rarely log onto Nofap and I think you're a smart man. I'll let you into a secret so trust me on what I'm about to say: THERE ARE NO RULES, FUCK THE RULES. GO. FIND YOUR WINGS. Don't do what many other guys do and just stay quiet. You missed an opportunity but hopefully you won't after reading what I got to say. Many guys don't talk to girls that much anymore, especially hot ones, since many followers just lust the girls from a distance and have no balls to go up to them. I know you've got balls man, and go prove it to the followers that you can go and get any girl you want. All you need to do is not fear the girl. Trust me, I used to be scared too. Once you go up to the first girl, then a second, then a third girl you get comfortable. It makes you feel mushy inside and your natural instincts take over. Don't overthink what you are going to do, let it happen itself. Go up to her next time you see her at the gym and strike up a conversation how you saw her at the store. Don't be afraid to shoot some flirts, many girls like that. Just be yourself to be honest with you. I know you can do it man! ;)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Yeah, I'm familiar with that, it is a good attitude and I need to think like that
     
  10. there will always be pressure, excitement, stress. That is part of life. And no, it is not just any girl you want to talk to but don't dare - it is THE GIRL. That is part of the thrill, part of being enchanted. We all have to go through this if we want to have a partner. Women included. Just go for it. You only live once and there will be a point when it is too late.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. I went to the gym just now and of course she was also there as usual. I just went about my workout as normal. I have no intention of making any kind of move at the gym. The problem I see is that, people are there to workout, myself included. Going to the gym is an important part of my life. If I start approaching her, and it becomes awkward, then I'm ruining an important part of my life. She is just one girl. There are plenty more out there.

    I'm getting sick of this idea that I have to continually approach and get rejected (I'm not taking a shot at anyone here). It seems like a colossal waste of time that could be spent on other things. Who's to say that once I finally "find" someone, that I will be happy then? Seems like a crap shoot to me. How many people think they have found "the One" only to have the relationship, marriage, whatever, fall apart leaving ruin in its wake. We see that on this site. It seems like a much better idea to focus solely on improving myself, not depending on anyone else for happiness, and attracting girls to come to me (or not if that's the case)
     
    HuwhiteMale likes this.
  12. To be honest I didn't read every message in this thread, but yeah, you probably are making too big a deal out of this. You don't want to beat yourself up about this kind of thing, especially because it can lead to relapse. I've been there!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 5, 2018
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Yeah, thanks, relapsing with PMO is a concern. I'm happy that I haven't relapsed because of this
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Ok you don't need to do anything if you don't want to.

    Of course, you are always running the risk of a relationship not working out. But there is no way of knowing that beforehand. As I said: Who Dares Wins". If you don't risk talking to girls, don't make an effort you will miss out on something wonderful. All this energy you spend on it, all this anxiety you may feel is totally worth it. Yes, there will be broken hearts, there will be drama. You have to take the good with the bad.

    To inspire you, I will tell you a little bit of my own love story: I met my future wife in Berlin. I just moved there, was staying at a friend's house until I found a place. My future wife also visited that same friend, she was on an extended tourist trip. We had a fling, I fell in love with her and so just asked her after a week of knowing her whether she would consider staying with me in Berlin. That took courage.

    My wife took even more courage when she said yes. Without knowing too much about me, we moved together straight away and she lived a new life in Berlin without even knowing German.

    What started as a one night stand became a wonderful relationship that is now 13 years old. I am so happy that both of us had the guts to do this.
     
  15. Thank you that's really cool! I appreciate it. I could say that I wish I had the same experience. But I think it's more important for me to be happy even in the absence of anything like that. I've been feeling like I've been lacking something because I don't have that. I could try approaching a million girls but it would be coming from a place of me lacking something, feeling like I need someone in order to be a complete human being, not me feeling content in myself.
     
  16. Well, it looks like you have to put some work into this. I know it is hard, but don't run away from your life. I could say now that one day it will happen, but I know quite a few people who are getting old and still don't have a partner. I find that quite sad and don't wish it on good people.

    I have done work trying to feel content with myself, but I have to admit that even now at the age of 45 I have not arrived there. It is a journey. Do the best you can. And no, don't trick women into believing that you like them when in reality you just want to boost your ego. Stay true.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Next time you see her, be the man you want to be.
    Explain that you like her, and that you was too shy to say a word to her.
    For sure, she will respect that.
    Open up. My opinion is: you better stutter when saying the things you want, than say nothing at all.
     
  18. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    yeah but why would you be interested in just another girl in the first place?
     
    Headspace likes this.
  19. I do get what he is saying though. I do agree with it. The idea of not putting any girl on a pedestal. I forgot this mindset in this situation. Forgetting it was the cause of my anxiety and also the cause of my regret afterward. If you view every girl as just another girl, then you have no reason to feel anxiety and no reason to feel regret either. And what's more, it's true
     
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