Mindfulness

I now see myself as a Buddhist and part(maybe the most important part) of the eight-fold path is mindfulness.

The teachings say the result of mindfulness is stopping, calming, resting and healing. The goal is transformation.

The whole idea is if you look at something it will change it's behavior. No matter how subtle or even what you look at. It behavior will change.

So now to the addiction part.

I am still really an addict and as many might say it isn't really what I have envisioned for myself.

I go through this with myself a lot and what I see is that the change is immediate. When I become mindful the entire behavior stops.

This happened for a solid three weeks. Then I started seeing past it. Seems I do not want to stop. I don't mean that I like the behavior itself or that I'm giving up. I just like the stimuli and I accept that.

I still want to stop it entirely, but now I'm going through it with the idea that I'm doing this cuz I like it.

Okay, so what part of it do I like?

One thing is the release. I like that all the stress disappears.

When overdoing it my drive for doing stuff goes away too.

Okay so what am I actually throwing away when masturbating?

Energy.

Right, why am I throwing it away?

because I have no place to store it?

maybe

Because I hold on to the idea that energy should be used?

yes

So where do I feel energy should be used?

Do I feel that all energy should be used?

No, if you use up all your energy you die.

So some should be stored.

Thus it goes back to the idea that just because something is there does not mean that it should be used.

It doesn't have to be resisted though. It can be allowed to do whatever it wants.

This is where mindfulness comes in because what WE want to do with it is get rid of it. This is not necessarily what it wants to do. It just wants to be expressed.