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Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by BetrayedMermaid, Apr 20, 2018.
So yeah, brain fog from relapse and psubs.. Ok
Makes more sense
That sux, I'm sorry
He has not M or O’d except— we’ve had sex three times. We did the kareeza thing, hot tubbed, then sex w O. PIED is not a problem for us. I hope it’s not too soon and I am really getting impatient. He says that I have extracted everything and that the disclosure will not be anything big that I don’t know about. He’s also going to do a polygraph test which I know did not go great for you. I spoke with his counselor about your experience and I told him I do not want that experience. He agreed that the definitions should match.
Yeah... The guy was going to let my PA chose his questions.
Of course he will answer honestly or pass or whatever if he chooses his own questions.
I even get appropriation of fact and how that plays into the questions having to lack emotion.
But changing things after I leave the room I feel was not productive to the point of what we were doing there, u know?
Yep. I know. I had an intense conversation with my husband about it and told him this kind of thing will not happen. There will not be these loopholes for you to feel like you have been honest because you didn’t get “sexually aroused” because your penis didn’t fill with blood. That is ridiculous!!! I felt really bad that you didn’t get some kind of closure. Are you going to have another one done with someone else?
I'm glad that sharing my story helped at least One other person.
That's why I do it
And we had several very intense therapy sessions over the last couple of days... Including lots of questions... I think it's improving?
He did answer the first question "are you being truthful in your recovery?" with a yes
And even if it's the only question I had answered (in my book - too much was changed, wording, definitions or the whole question! In the other questions) at least it's a good one? Right?
Yes and that’s a really important one.
I wish you the best of luck with the polygraph.
Thanks. The struggle for me is wondering if it’s worth it or not.
wow that is an intense struggle. kenzi has told me little bit about your story and I wanted read it for myself from your perspective. I agree a full disclosure would be crucial to helping your recovery and your marriage if that's what you want. I think that he should be the one to disclose to your daughter though, not you. it's his shame and his betrayal that put you in this very challenging position. I believe that you've raised your daughter to be a strong and independent woman who can make her own decisions about the situation. she'll see that you have put your foot down and are standing your ground and not carrying his shame for him. you've done nothing wrong and shouldn't have to carry his burdens. she will see that, maybe not in the moment but she will see it. If this isn't done it'll always be a skeleton in the closet and you will always know it's there. it will slowly tear at you till you can't take it anymore. I highly suggest doing this in a therapy session with a councilor, it's going to be super intense and emotions will be flying. if he really loves you and wants to be with you he has to face this and show you that he is willing to face his mistakes and build trust not only with you but with your daughter as well. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry you have to deal with such a hard situation.
Yes @Rock_Star. He will be the one to disclose, it will be after my Full Disclosure and after I move to a safe new place with my daughter. He will not live with her again, even if recovered because I will not take the chance of exposure to her for him to relapse... and she has at least 2.5 years with me still through nursing school. So if he is serious about recovery and if he loves me- he will have to wait that long and I might change my feelings in the meantime... he did a really cool thing though tonight- He’s supposed to get 1/2 the profit- but he just told me that he wants me to have most of it (so I can put 20% down payment) so that I can get to a nice safe place to heal from betrayal trauma... and if we don’t get back together, he said he’d just say goodbye to the money. I’m so thankful and accepted his offer. That’s pretty selfless and maybe a good sign.