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Mentally punching myself in the balls to subdue this craving...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by NewDrug, Jul 13, 2017.

  1. NewDrug

    NewDrug Fapstronaut

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    Just need to vent on here and acknowledge for myself and others how much I'm fighting the urge to view porn right now. After a month of no PMO and a relapse last week, life has been good for the most part and I'm at my most productive. But despite all the hard work and the improved habits, the new positive outlook, the urge, as it always does, gets to a boiling point where I feel out of control. Spend all night dreaming of porn scenes and fantasizing and by the next day all I want is just to look at what I've been missing (it seems too good to be true and as we all know, it is). "If I could just take a peek and then carry on with my day" and I tell myself, an ever-expanding variety of remembered stars and scenes popping up in my head and begging to be returned to, but I damn well know I can't handle it - I'll waste precious time, I will PMO and I will be miserable / irritable for the rest of the day and for the next couple of days. I'm always in awe of how much this thing has gotten a hold of me - I feel like I'm literally talking back to voices every 5 seconds. Oh well...wish me luck!:)
     
  2. me too. i am going through a lot of triggers lately. i need to cool down. i must concentrate on my life goals for real. starting now :)
     
    Connor21, NewDrug and Buddhabro like this.
  3. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    The reason why we're all trying to reboot and recover from this addiction is that we want to love and care for ourselves better.
    Failures and disappointments will occur. Hating ourselves only makes it harder to show ourselves the love and care needed to overcome this powerful addiction.
    Keep trying to fight the good fight.
     
    NewDrug, AM141 and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Dang, you are still getting triggers at 129 days in? Not looking forward to that :(
     
    Connor21 likes this.
  5. i am but i think it's because i am at an important turning point in my life and i am stressed about it. when i was afraid of failure i used to think about porn. but i won't go back to that ever. my thoughts are clean from sexual perversion. it is worth it. blessed my 129 days :) . keep fighting. the good life you want is waiting for you far from your addiction
     
    NF104534 and NewDrug like this.
  6. NewDrug

    NewDrug Fapstronaut

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    Well, I gave in last night and the first half of today and I'm pissed. PMO'd last night and edged for the last 3 hours today. I'm stopping and I'm trying to collect myself and move forward, make up for the time I lost today (however possible that is). In about another week I will once again feel the craving and will have to fight that off as well. I'm a 33 yr. old man trying to get his shit together later than most. God this sucks...
     
    StraightEdge3616 likes this.
  7. I'm 30 so I kind of know what you mean. Stay strong and jump back on that horse. All the ones that have been successful at this have also failed several times. Come on man, you can do it.
     
    NewDrug and Buddhabro like this.
  8. NewDrug

    NewDrug Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man - I got back to work right after watching so at least the day wasn't a total wash. The tough part is that, although 9/10 PMO sessions are usually empty and boring, I actually felt somehow fulfilled in an empty way from this last one as well as beaten down, which scares me and makes me worry for the future. It's usually about satisfying curiosity after seeing girls in the city all day or fantasizing about acquaintances, and I have an infinite amount of options for viewing it at the push of the button. Modern porn feels like torture. I guess I'll always want to see other girls naked and having sex, I just have to accept this and make the sacrifice for a better reality and appreciate the girlfriend I already have, you know? It's like any addiction - you can temporarily satisfy needs in one world that you can't in the other, but as you're doing it the other world is crumbling. And as we know, reality gets exponentially better as we leave the screen behind. I can't have both...
     
  9. @Cameo porn damages your life. Don't fall in that trap thinking it can make you feel better for a while. Instead it numbs you. Addictions start from a desire to escape from a reality you don't like (stress at work or other problems)

    Reach the goals you want now at 33 years old. If you improve your life you won't go back to p. Be with your real gf. Appreciate her
     
    Jon North and NewDrug like this.
  10. NewDrug

    NewDrug Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for that
     

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