men have it much harder than women!

If it were true that being desired by many equaled happiness then why are so many miserable celebs? On drugs committing support suicide? I like to call this syndrome if only syndrome where people focus on one particular negative attribute and think if they fix that life will be perfect. Because skinny people have no problems nor do attractive ones. The same have plastic surgery or lose weight and surprisingly are just as unhappy. When you take your happiness from what other people think of you especially your looks you will always be miserable. Why do o say especially looks? Because most people have little to no control over how they look. Sure you can work out get surgery but for the most part we owe our looks to genetics nothing we have accomplished. It’s why people that are very attractive are so insecure. And when a hot person hits 50 they age like everyone else, wrinkles, weight gain, and then what of the person only ever desired for looks?

Let me share a personal antidote. In my mid 20s I was in the waiting room of my counselor. I had been through another horrible breakup used again and lied to by a man I loved. A woman approached me and said “I don’t know why you would ever need to have counseling or even feel sad, you are beautiful, you don’t look like you belong here.” I really had no clue what to say. Did I thank her? Did I tell her that attractive people have problems too? I thanked her but I will never forget that. You see I was just as hurt as she was felt just as much pain. Did the men who catcalled me on the street on my way in make that pain less absolutely not.

People can complain about how they are not “desired” and how that’s what causes them to use porn or keeps them single but that won’t make them any more desirable to potential partners make yourself desirable in other ways! Do only 10s get married or course not! People of all shapes and sizes all looks marry! And one thing you can change is quitting pmo because I can assure You that no matter if you looo like Brad Pitt being a pmo addict makes you not desireable at all, neitheR does being bitter or angry, blaming others for your downfalls and judging women solely on looks. So you can complain about not being desired but where does that get you? You can use porn and say it’s due to not being desired but guess what that only makes you less desired!

 

Maybe if you hear it enough it will sink in?

 

Seek validation from yourself, is what I am trying to say.

*A billion people will have a billion opinions. Some are going to absolutely love you, and some will absolutely hate you. *

You don't have the time or the patience to think about how every one is going to think.

When you are happy with yourself, other peoples validation wont matter.

AS for those women leaving, think about why they were attracted to you in the first place.

If they like you for your looks, one day they will find someone who looks better than you.
If they like you for your money, one day they will find someone richer than you.

But, if they like you for you, there's no one better.

 

No No No Men don't have harder lives than women and women don't have harder lives than men. Individuals have different experiences. A woman that's had an abusive life has had a harder life than the man who hasn't had to endure any kind of real trauma. A man that's lived his life on the streets has had a harder life than a woman who has lived comfortably. We can't just say men have it harder/women have it harder because we all have different experiences. It's not fair to make a generalization like that.

 

Your comment makes me very sad, sad that you feel that way about yourself and that until you are able to adjust that way of thinking you will always be in pain and I can see why you may turn to addictive behavior to quell that pain which will never go away when you require validation from someone else and your only standard for happiness is to be with a woman.

Relationships are a luxury not a necessity. So sure most people enjoy a relationship like most people enjoy a fancy car or expensive watch but they don’t need either of those things. You need to be comfortable and confident with being alone and until you get there you will be alone. Once you get to the point where your sole source of validation is yourself and you are happy being alone you will start becoming more attractive to the opposite sex. No women or man for that matter what’s to be the source of your validation. Can you imagine the pressure you are putting on that person in doing that? It’s usually what is referred to as being needy and it’s a very unattractive quality to both men and women. And what happens when the person ends things with you? What do you have left ? If you need them to feel validated you will fall apart and that’s not emotionally healthy.

The right way to phrase it is I would like to have a woman in my life but if I don’t ever meet the right one I will still lead a happy life. And that’s what you do. No you are not alone if you are single. If you feel that you are that’s a product of your own doing. Look around. You have friends, family, hobbies, your church if you are religious your coworkers. And if you don’t get out there and get some. Don’t sit around waiting to meet a woman to be happy and live your life. All of these things will make you so much more attractive to the opposite sex.

People will let you down that’s a given. They will try to make you Feel you are not good enough or worthy. But it’s your choice to allow them to have that power over you. Self esteem comes from life experiences and that’s just not in relationships. I can’t imagine the sheer devastation you would feel if you did get into a relationship and it ended.

I suspect the reason women are finding you unattractive is because of this line of thinking. You have to change it or you will be stuck here forever.

 

Sorry but if you take the attitude that these women are not in your league and keep turning women down you will be alone. You are unlikely to get the “hottie” you desire and what about if she ages or if she loses her looks. So long as you focus so much on looks you are going to be miserable that’s your choice.

 

It’s essential that there is an initial attraction on both ends sure but judging by the amount of people you are turning down that’s not what you are doing. I’ve seen men like you that have really high standards for looks but then get pissed that women judge them on looks! You know where they end up? 55 years old and single hitting on women way too young and out of their league not able to figure out why they are still single. And I suspect that you do overestimate your level of attractiveness because you fail to take into account non physical things that women value sort of like not having an attitude that you are above dating so many people!! But really the answer to this debate can be found by asking yourself one simple question is your current strategy working? If it is then keep it up. I mean you won’t need porn anymore because you will be finding Tons of hot women right? But if it’s not you need to change your strategy. Change your way of thinking. You can go back and forth with me all day but that won’t change your situation. If you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Go out with some of those women that hit on you do something different what harm does One date cause? You know some of my best friends met their husbands through bad first dates. Neither of the first dates hit it off but guess what the guy had a brother who he felt would be perfect for her! You never know and getting dating experience is always good. It’s just a first date coffee or a drink. Or keep doing what you are doing and in 10 years I am willing to bet you will be in the same exact place you are right now.

 

I've heard the theory that men are the experimental gender and women are like the control group.

 

I feel you on there being no women in your field. I have plenty of male friends in IT and I know there are not many women. And short men do have it rough it’s one of the few things that women in studies consistently discriminate based upon. I follow a dating blogger who took a guy in that was 5’6 and no matter how high he increased his income or education he got very little responses as opposed to the unemployed guy who was 6’3 whose email box reached capacity. My advice is the same date the people who want to date you. Stop wasting your time on the people that don’t. You hit on a pretty girl in the grocery store sure you may get a first date but she’s still got a lot of other men after her. You are in the same spot as you were before with online dating. Stop overfocusing on looks yours and theirs. The dating blogger I follow gives the same advice to women who do what you do. I know you don’t want to hear or accept this but it’s the truth.

 

YES, this is exactly why many men view women as having an upperhand. Right fellas? Lol

 

Desire has no direct correlation with porn addiction. You cant simply say a guy on the street is a porn addict, you need to know him better to see if he is or not. Therefore, I understand that no one wants a porn addict as a romantic partner, as that is wrong. Just the same as a smoker. If you really like the person you'll see throught that and help him / her get out of the addiction.

The problem nowadays is that there are really few people that are able to donate themselves in such a cause. And in that point of view I agree with the OP.