Masturbating once is not a "relapse" it's a "reset" - Risky/excessive masturbation can be a relapse.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Alexander, May 30, 2018.

  1. Alexander

    Alexander Porn Addict
    Staff Member

    Psychologically speaking, masturbating once is not considered a relapse, even if you could have been considered as having a sexual addiction or an addiction to masturbation itself without porn.

    Think about food addiction. Is eating an apple considered a relapse for a food addict?

    Of course not.

    Eating apples non-excessively isn't considered unhealthy to medical professionals. Same with non-excessively masturbating. Non-excessively masturbating is considered normal behavior.

    Words can be important. If you want to abstain from masturbation for a period of time completely to "reboot" your sexuality to something more healthy, by all means avoid masturbation for that period of time. But if you slip up and masturbate once without porn, call it a reset. You failed to reach your goals. And it's okay to acknowledged that. The word reset was derived from the action of resetting your streak day counter.

    In the context of food addiction, binging on fast food might be considered a relapse. Same here.

    Relapses:
    • Masturbating in a risky way that puts you at risk for serious repercussions, such as masturbating in public
    • Masturbating very excessively to the point that it negatively impacts your life in measurable ways
    • Skipping other important obligations, such as work, because of a compulsive need to masturbate then and there
    • Masturbating to porn once could be considered a relapse for a porn addict
    Resets:
    • Not reaching your reboot streak goal and masturbating once without porn
    • Masturbating non-excessively
    Am I saying that masturbation is good? No. I am not making a stance on masturbation in this thread. I am relaying the standards that I've learned from mental healthcare professionals who treat sex addiction.

    This distinction is important because it helps mental healthcare professionals to take this issue seriously and find more solutions to it. It aides in research and keeps us all on the same page. Relapse is a medical term. Reset describes not reaching your goals.

    Best wishes in reaching your sexual health goals.
     
  2. Dogan.211

    Dogan.211 Fapstronaut

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    thank you bro. what a wonderful article
     
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  3. Gervacio

    Gervacio Fapstronaut

    Muy buen artículo anima mucho gracias alexander
     
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  4. BostonGuy

    BostonGuy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for writing that piece. I had a 90 day goal to not masturbate and stay away from porn.

    I went from masturbating in public, to meeting men to view taboo P, to my marriage failing which drove my wife to a lover...to my 90 day challenge dropping risky sex, P and M. Then I flatlined, scared I'd never been able to become aroused again.

    My wife and I think Im ready to begin very gentle M. I'm only able to last on average 10 to 30 seconds when with my wife and she believes occasional masturbation will help improve my stamnia.

    I feel confident I can masturbate without falling into the old addictions. Am I nuts or should I begin to reengage with healthy masturbation?
     
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  5. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    I think this is a very good distinction to draw for the recovering addict. Even though you might 'reset' once a week, this may not interfere drastically at all with an ongoing progress within your psychology/ psyche. Also those 'resets will tend to be a brief sprint in nature... not those marathons.

    This distinction may also keep from an overly obsessive eye on the counter... and the associated despair of seeing it collapse to zero... it's like the counter becomes a substitute for our psychological state. I'd go so far as to say that one should not reset their counter if they 'reset' in terms of the above. But then the terminology would have to be changed....
     
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  6. In that case, what would be the point of having the counter at all? It simply records how long has elapsed since you last had a reset or a relapse. Bear in mind that in spite of this thread, most members do not distinguish between reset/relapse as meaning two different things. I am just pleased that very few here now say they have failed(!) when they need to reset.
     
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  7. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    A good point. It is difficult to quantify your inner state. That is more a matter of quality.

    Perhaps some color-coded spectrum would be in order as a qualitative complement to the counter? This would reflect the frequency of resets, which I guess is as good a measurement as any of progress. It could perhaps move along the colors of the rainbow [a most promising symbol], with red at the one end, the most critical...and violet at the other, near complete recovery.
     
  8. Yes, that could work quite well Buzz.

    It is unfortunate that improvements to the tracker have not been made so far. The previous one (which finally ground to halt), had a feature to record, as you put it, "the frequency of resets". It had 30 marks: ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||. When relapses occurred marks would be replaced by a number relating to how many occurred on a given day, like so...
    ||||||2|||||2||||||||2||||||1|. I was hopeful that this added feature would be here with us by now. Any chances @Jack Fischer?

    Currently, the only information available for analysis would be the tracker showing 1 Day. But the embellishment I have demonstrated provides a month's worth of information. Even a quick look would reveal an average frequency of a double reset every week. But the member might take some comfort from the fact that the last time was a single reset only. :) Therefore, they may challenge themselves to ensure that resets in the future are in the singular. Thereafter, they would likely address the 7 day cycle to see if they can stretch that out to 10 days, 14 days and so on. Any thoughts anyone?
     
  9. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that tracker certainly gives you the info. There is a vast difference [in psychological state terms] between someone resetting daily/ binging etc, and someone who might be once every week or two look for a quick 'release'.... and yet the counter is reset to 0, which fails to reflect the reality.

    Perhaps the counter/ number could be backgrounded by the colored spectrum, which would reflect the frequency of use, whether he were still in the red zone [full blown compulsion] ... or working up toward green... and toward violet [recovery].

    In frequency terms, it could be staged like this:

    R - Compulsive user.. more than once daily... binging.
    O- Compulsive user … daily
    Y - Starting to get there.... once every few days
    G - On the road to recovery... once a week
    B - Once a fortnight
    I - Once a month.
    V - Full recovery
     
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  10. The use of colour does have merits, as you have shown. Even then, it would not represent everyone's journey. Just take G for example: On the road to recovery... once a week. There are some members that come here with that frequency. In such cases, a weekly reset would not indicate recovery. Just like the consumption of alcoholics in their daily patterns can be very different. It is a knotty problem. :confused:
     
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  11. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    I agree. It's on the road to recovery. During that period of time, the urge should be diminishing relative to the psyche strengthening... and the episodes of use should be getting a lot briefer... no more binging etc. I know this is how it happened for me.

    Of course, I have in mind here the idea of full recovery [V]... and that being a destination. Others might disagree with me in that respect, but then I'd question whether they really believe recovery is possible.

    V would coincide with the 90 day challenge... and also represents Victory.:rolleyes:
     
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  12. Gervacio

    Gervacio Fapstronaut

    Perdón. A mi el contador como está yo ayuda, me pide ser mas radical en mi lucha.
     
  13. tomsterling

    tomsterling New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your personal experience. It is consider as a psychological issue. Our brain is a funny organ. When it gets too much of the same thing, it can get bored. Watching too much porn is like too much sex. So when your brain is bored, it refuses to function as normal thus you get a weak erection when you want to have sex. Solution is to stay away for a week or so and see how it goes.
     
  14. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Or even easier.... have the counter color-coded, and one could take more pride in an Indigo 3 in contrast to a yellow 3.

    R - Compulsive user.. more than once daily... binging.
    O- Compulsive user … daily
    Y - Starting to get there.... once every few days
    G - On the road to recovery... once a week
    B - Once a fortnight
    I - Once a month.
    V - Full recovery
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
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  15. Newlife157

    Newlife157 Fapstronaut

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    Alexander I would like you to tell me what symptoms you had so intense during the restart
     
  16. StayIn

    StayIn Fapstronaut

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    Hey Bro, I wanna know how you feel after over 500 days of NoFap! I am trying to recover and last longer in real sex. I just lost my virginity 1 month ago and I am 30, before that I have 20 years of jerking to porn experience... when I had real sex, I almost had no erection. But after 40 days of abstaince, I feel more reaction down there now, I wonder how you feel after 500 days, can you last longer now?
     
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  17. StayIn

    StayIn Fapstronaut

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    Also, I literally cumed in 5 seconds...
     
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  18. Gervacio

    Gervacio Fapstronaut

    Creo que hay que reeditar tu reacción, la masturbación a veces llega a una eyaculación precoz, ahora si te ambstines y evitas los roces y va a limpiando tu cerebro de recuerdos todo irá bien y luego cuando este en la intimidad con otra persona es muy importante las caricias hasta desembocar en la relación íntima.
     
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  19. What^?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2018
  20. TheNiclrs

    TheNiclrs New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the thread, I feel relieved pretty bit but still sad and disappointed, I have reach over 14 days without M but today I failed again because sexually touching, but I will always try again and use more better strategy this time.
     

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