marriage life and 20 years worth of Porn

I hope you and your wife are able to heal and have a healthy relationship including a healthy sex life. If you achieve nothing more than the honesty you are trying for it will be worth it.

Good luck.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Being cheated on really hurts. It is interesting to me that what it finally took for you to stop PMO was your wife cheating. I'm a SO. We women usually cheat when we lack the emotional connection that we seek not for pure sex. So I suspect that she felt no connection and sought it out elsewhere and while it's not right I can totally sympathize with why she did it. You are on the right path now. I hope things work out. Just stick to it and practic homesty.

 

I'd divorce anyone who cheated on me. Just sayin'

 

Watching porn is cheating - it took me too long to recognise this. An addiction to porn means you do not connect with your SO... Why is the physical act any different to the mental one? I use to maintain - 'I would never cheat on you', to which my wife said - you do every time you choose porn over me.

Hope you get through it @sheep4ryan, education and regaining intimacy will be key. Try some meditation as well.

Good luck.

 

I sign my name under this with both my hands.

 

It took my SO a long time to figure out the "cheat link" once he saw the "toe over the boundaries" he set it straight, got his second chance, and he's not wasting it. He's been a addict for 14 years.
Honesty is KEY.
Good luck to you both.

 

Wow! I'm so proud of you guys for working oin things and repairing them. It's also great that your being so honest with each other. I may be female but I also have sexual dysfunctions due to porn. Can't get wet or O with my husband. But things have gotten better since cutting down the porn. Rewiring is hard and will take time but it will get better

 

You should divorce her.

You watching porn is not equivalent to your wife cheating you for 4 years, and as a man you know that. Do not fall for this "emotional connection" nonsense.

Do not rationalize her infidelity, otherwise you'll never find peace, you'll always blame yourself for the shortcomings of others. This is the mindset of a doormat.

 

You were just watching videos while she was literally having sex with another man. It's not the same thing.

 

Okay you dudes are delusional if you actually believe his use of PMO had nothing to do with her cheating on him! Being a partner of a PMO addict is miserable. He can't perform in bed, he can't sexually satisfy you. He consistently chooses porn over you, he lies. And it's not just the sex side of things. PMO addicts are emotionally distant. You can call it emotional bs but women need emotional connections. They treat women like objects. The ogle other women in front of you, they don't tell you you are attractive. They don't even know they are doing it. Maybe you don't think it's the same as cheating but when I am sitting there asking for sex or not satisfied and the man is choosing to sit in a room and fap to porn instead of being with me that IS cheating. Or when he can't perform in bed because of his PMO leaving her unsatisfied and insecure but keeps fapping that's cheating. And even if you don't think it's cheating you still must see how your actions caused her to. Guys PMO is killing your relationships. The women will cheat or leave you!

 

She's a scumbag, she should have divorced him BEFORE having sex with other men. Him being an inadequate lover is no excuse for cheating, if she wasn't happy she should have left. Instead she backstabbed him for four years straight.

 

I absolutely have gotten to the very real point that it is totally cheating on an SO. I used to be very blinkered and could deal with men hitting on me in a very blase, who cares attitude. Now I find myself wondering what would it really hurt if I just investigated some of those situations just a little more. I mean hell it is just a couple of guys harmless flirting compared to the thousands of fantasies my so pleasured himself with..... I am completely rationalizing it to myself. Sound familiar?

 

Gross. The rationalization should be that you should get yourself a vibrator and masturbate too if you want to keep score and be equal to what your SO is doing. Either that or break up.

 

Never in my life have I ever wanted or needed to and yet I had a completely happy and healthy sex life until this so...and gee masturbation really helped a lot of ppl here too now didn't it? I guess i was just lucky enough that I could control my desire for sex , and no before you go there I wasn't nor am I low drive. Either way you are still partaking in something that should be an awesome and bonding activity with your partner. I'm not saying its right but being wronged and subjected to this porn situation makes the thought process much easier to come to that reality, on both sides of the fence.

 

And he should not have been PMOing either. He backstabbed her for four years. I understand that you all do not get the serious effect your PMO use has on your relationships but it does. If you neglect your partner in favor of PMO it is going to be a lot easier for another man that is paying attention to her to sway her away. No one is saying that what she did was right at all, it was not. But what he was doing was just as bad. The point is you cannot control someone else's behavior you can only control your own. Admitting that your behavior had an effect in causing her to cheat, helps you in other relationships going forward. If you say oh she was a scumbag and I did not contribute to this at all, you will just repeat the behavior in the future.

 

This is so true. When a woman feels neglected in her relationship she responds to men hitting on her and flirting with her totally differently than she would if the man was paying attention to her and being attentive to her needs.

 

Totally incorrect. If you cannot see this you are likely to end up in the same situation as this guy did. The woman DOES NOT WANT to masturbate she wants to have a sexual and emotional relationship with a male human being. The man is not giving her that not because he s physically incapable, but because he is choosing to PMO rather than giving that aspect of the relationship to her. Why would mastrubation fix her problem?