Managing PMO instead of abstaining

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by learning, Jan 6, 2018.

  1. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    I don't know if this would work for anybody on this forum, but I wanted to mention the idea just in case: When I was in my 20s I grudgingly accepted that I could not abstain from PMO. I usually PMOed three times on Sunday afternoon. My goal was to relieve my horniness so I could focus on my job better during the week. I never went over three times, because I thought that caused me to become depressed. For the rest of the week, PMO was not a part of my life.

    That was in the 1990s before I had discovered internet pornography, and I didn't have a home computer. Pornography is more tempting today, but I wonder if a strategy like this might work better than abstinence for some people. Calculate how many orgasms per week is necessary, and then schedule a time every week to get them done. For the rest of the week don't PMO.

    Any opinions?
     
  2. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    I would recommend against it, altho to maximize semen retention some have suggested ejaculating once every 10 days, I feel that the goal is to remove PMO from your life, it is proving difficult setting shorter challenges so you can better force your discipline and get to know your triggers is better than "controlled" PMO.
    Think if an alcoholic that controls his addiction by drinking only on saturdays, yeah.. no.
     
  3. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Another issue is whether internet pornography is fundamentally different from older pornography.

    In the 80s it seemed to be magazines sold in news stores and convenience stores. At most there might be 100 different magazines in shrink wrap, so a person could scan every single magazine cover and make a choice. They were expensive, so I might buy 2 and go home and PMO. I kept a collection and usually there were about 12 pictures that I used repeatedly for months.

    In the 90s it was VHS tapes, but it was similar to magazines. A patient person could look at every single box cover front and back and make a choice. They seemed to be about twice the cost of a magazine, but you got 60 minutes. Usually there was one girl I liked on each tape and the rest was not interesting.

    So I think the fundamental difference is compulsiveness and the thrill of discovery. When I go to youtube, I can spend hours following suggested links and there is the thrill of finding something new and arousing. It isn't like shopping for a VHS tape where I can thoroughly examine all of them and know that I found the very best material available for PMO. Now I worry that I might miss something important just over the horizon of the next click.

    I wonder if other people see that as a difference. Internet pornography is pornography PLUS the gambler's thrill or the explorer's thrill and the obsessive compulsiveness of people like me who must double-check locked doors and wash their hands continuously. It isn't just snaring people through their libidos anymore. It's like a cocktail of addictive drugs instead of just a single drug.
     
  4. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    sounds like you are answering your own question. The internet is a game changer, like giving a food addict the ability to eat more in less time.
     
  5. soberhenry

    soberhenry Fapstronaut

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    I've thought about how if I was born 100 years ago I wouldn't have even had to deal with this problem. If I was born today I might have some challenges with it but it's likely my parents would have gone through it before me and would at least know to warn me about it. Sucks being the guinea pig.
     
  6. anewversion

    anewversion Fapstronaut

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    According to a video I watched, Tantric philosophy believes for health reasons you are permitted an orgasm ever:

    (age - 7) / 4 = daysbetweenorgasm

    Your idea might work for some and not for others. The problem is an addiction doesn't work like that. If you PMO today, it will want it tomorrow and the day after as well.

    My own plan is I am allowing my self an orgasm every 30 days.
     
    Davidphd1866 and learning like this.
  7. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    I wonder if there is an age range where this formula is applicable? If it applies at any age according to that if you're 9 years old you are supposed to have two orgasms a day.
     
  8. I tried that last year, for a while I succeded and PMO maybe once a week but it quickly escalated so for me it's not an option. I also tried that with cigarettes, with alcohol, with playing some videogames,with coffee and just didn't work. I need to completely quit something in order to achieve a good streak. So far everything else except porn it's long gone, so maybe there is hope for this too!
     
    Hitto, soberhenry and learning like this.
  9. anewversion

    anewversion Fapstronaut

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    It applies to adults I suppose.

    Also that's the minimum amount of days for health reasons. I suppose more days between is better.
     
    Ongoingsupport likes this.
  10. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    You gave up coffee????????????? I'm going to pour myself a cup right now to wash away that disturbing thought ;)
     
  11. hahaha yeah man, it was brutal! I did it mainly because I have acid reflux but also because it made my anxiety skyrocketing. I was addicted to those ultra-powerful italian espresso and I had 6-7 of them daily.. I tried cut 2-3 per day, but I just suck at moderate myself :D

    EDIT: By the way, enjoy your cup!
     
    Kizito.D, soberhenry and learning like this.
  12. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    My opinion is that I've tried this approach and it just doesn't work.

    You might say to yourself "Okay, I'm only going to allow myself three orgasms this week and that's it", but you'll find so much novelty available in porn these days that you'll edge for three or four hours before your orgasm. Either that, or you'll have your three and and decide "oh, one more now can't hurt that much, can it?". By the way, the VHS tapes (or DVDs these days) aren't like they were back in the 90s. There's infinitely more variety on the shelves of adult stores today than there was back in the 90s.

    By the way, I'm not saying orgasms are a bad thing, and I'm not against MO without P if it's done moderately. But porn is just for losers who want to be cucks by watching some other guy doing what they'd rather be doing. So MO if you really want to, but cut the Porn right out.

    How much MO do I think is the right amount? Well, in the fitness industry they apply the good old "apple" test to people who are trying to lose weight. In other words, if you're hungry enough to eat an apple, go and eat one. If you're not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you're not that hungry. The same applies with MO. If you're horny enough to MO without porn, then go and MO without porn. You should be done fairly quickly. If you need porn to reach the level of horniness necessary to MO, then you're not that horny and you probably have better things to do with your time.
     
    Davidphd1866 likes this.
  13. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    I realize that you and others (including me) are battling an addiction, so it is tempting to dehumanize the enemy that you must kill (pornography use). I was going through my collection of DVDs earlier, and I have fond memories of seeing some of these porn stars for the first time. Many of them are retired now. Some are dead from suicide.

    It's like saying that alcohol is evil. I had to give up drinking (and I hope I never ever relapse), but many people can enjoy alcohol. Probably there are some that can enjoy pornography with no harm to themselves. PMO has harmed me, but my chances of a real life relationship have always been low. IDK
     
    Kizito.D likes this.
  14. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry, but if you're serious about dealing with this problem, you really need to get rid of those DVDs. Just take them to the dumpster and get rid of them. That's like Recovery 101. I know there's a temptation to romanticise the past and only remember the good things, and that makes it harder to get rid of them. I went through the same thing when I tossed my old DVDs and VHS tapes a few years back, but it had to be done. And you know what, I really haven't missed them.

    To an alcoholic who's trying to recover, alcohol is evil. Seriously, you never hear drug and alcohol addiction counsellors telling their patients to start drinking in moderation and everything will be fine. If you want to kick an addiction, You need to go all out and get rid of it for good. Basically, you need to find something to replace it, and it's my opinion that chasing girls or a relationship is a particularly poor substitute.

    This thread (and the post I quoted in particular) sounds like you're looking for a reason to justify the continued use of Porn as does this thread https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/anybody-else-have-no-alternative-to-pmo.148748/ . Ultimately, it's your decision about whether or not you want to continue watching porn. But if you're going to ask me are there any specific circumstances under which the continued use of porn is going to benefit you, I'm going to say "no".
     
    Hitto and learning like this.
  15. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    I've tried it both ways, and it works better for me to keep my stuff rather than throwing it away. In past attempts, I have thrown away things that I later wished I had kept, and that resentment somehow makes it harder to try again to quit after a relapse. I don't know how many times I have thrown it all away and then rapidly bought even more. Part of my problem is the excitement of searching for novel content, so it makes the relapse worse.

    Internet pornography is analogous to having the water pipes in our houses replaced with alcohol pipes. Throwing away your bottles of sentimental alcohol doesn't create a barrier to relapsing when you can go to your faucet and pour a glass of any alcohol you want for free. In fact with the internet, you might innocently pour a glass of water and find that it's actually mixed with a little vodka.

    Another factor for me is awareness that age is reducing my libido. It is taking me some time to accept aging. It's been particularly abrupt in the past 3 years, and I think this is a lot of my problem with PMO.

    That's an interesting suggestion. I think you are probably right, but I don't know. This business I must manage for my family takes so much out of me. I am always worrying about things and if I relax I feel guilty for not doing something off my to-do list.
     
  16. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    What you may not consider is 'enjoying with no harm' may be dehumanizing, especially if porn is socially acceptable - which it pretty much is in the mainstream culture now. Of course it depends on what you consider as harm and what you consider as taking away from your humanity. It is not hard to imagine, developmentally speaking, some may never have had a full picture of what humanity consists of.
     
    learning likes this.
  17. Marcothebest_1995

    Marcothebest_1995 Fapstronaut

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    No, no, no.
    If you are an addicted every path that goes towards a control is a total failure. We addicted can't control ourselves.
    It's a YES or NO.
    You can't save anything
     
    learning likes this.
  18. iRebootMyself

    iRebootMyself Fapstronaut

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    Im sorry but your way of thinking is wrong, i know its hard for you to get a girlfriend, but if these retarded teens can get girls, i think you can, anyone can actually.
    It's all or nothing, a life without PMO or a life with PMO.
     
  19. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    This is all of us. I haven't heard a thing yet that's makes you not fit in here. ETA: I hope this didn't come across wrong. I don't intend to be mean or hurtful.

    Including the lack of belief in any future sexual relationships, I have that, and I'm sure there are others. I am unsure how to deal with that.

    The seeking of new stuff thing is very tied into the dopamine. The "chase" is part of the novelty. . When I think about relapse, the idea finding new stuff is part of it, for sure. I try not to think about that, though.

    And I also think of using it in moderation. But being a recovering alcoholic, I'm pretty sure that would not work.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
    learning likes this.
  20. DemonSemen

    DemonSemen Fapstronaut

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    Sounds great. In fact let’s manage drug and alcohol addiction the same way. A few hits per week!

    FAIL.

    You can’t ration out an addiction. You either stop it or you don’t. Do or do not. There is no try.
     
    learning likes this.

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