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Male emotions

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by ClaudeDuval, Sep 2, 2018.

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  1. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your input, were on the same path. If you don't mind me asking, who are you most comfortable talking to or relying on?
     
  2. Just to keep things balanced there is a sacrifice in watching your son, brother, father sacrifice himself. Women carry tiny people inside them and then sometimes watch those men have to die for the greater good. That is in some ways the harder burden to bare. Some soldier dies a hero and his wife has to raise his kids alone. Both sides can bring their own type of sacrifice when it is required. I do understand some of your frustration though.
     
  3. TheManDude

    TheManDude Fapstronaut

    I have two female friends (one a is kind of a platonic type of relationship) whom I confident pretty much everything, my best friend also helps me a lot and I told my parents about my adiction so they been a good outlet in that sense.
     
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  4. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    There is a pill for that. Besides, arent whamen these days supposed to be these emancipated independent individuals capable of dealing with their problems without depending on men? Also, if i saw my brother soldier being blown apart on the battlefield of being burned alive doing firemanning i would be pretty messed up too. While i care for my wifes emotional needs at home and chugging down anti-PTSD medication...
     
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  5. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut
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    Its fair to say that 'stereotypes' of men are more or less unable to capture the essence of men, as any stereotype really does for any person.

    Passions are something that men do have in great capacity, in so much to say that it defines a journey for them. A topic that has given me some clarity that I've been studying is the ancient texts and how contained within them is the definition or even story of man. For example, Hercules' had amazing difficulty in regards to his emotions and his passions, if interesting I would advise to one to read into it for oneself. Many remember the 12 labors of Hercules, but the reason he was made to do them was as a penance because he was driven mad by Hera (principle female deity) and killed his family in his passion. After his insanity subsided, he regretted his actions and sought penance, many tasks which were in forms people thought were impossible. However Hercules proceeds to go on to do them regardless, in a sort of amor fati. Even within these labors however, Hercules shows much emotion, in the task of the Mares of Diomedes, his friend is killed by the horses and in his wrath Hercules feeds Diomedes to his own horses. This is greatly telling I think for any man who has ever felt emotion and the responsibilities, burdens, shame etc that it can bring: a man who is driven mad by emotion, maybe from being unable to control himself, hasn't learned about himself well, maybe has lots of pressure in his life, ie. situations where the skills to be able to handle the emotion are lacking, commits actions he didn't wish to do, afterwards he wishes for it to be made up for, which requires regret in mind and heart and action in the real world to make up for these things, which quickly go on to define him as a man specifically once they are overcome. A lot of men get stuck here and bury themselves into something, mainly on this forum we discuss PMO and its effects that cause individuals, there are very many other topics however that have the same effect. But the effect is to ignore the world around them, its a form of control, but it really doesn't help one control oneself, but be controlled by something else externally.

    I find it telling that one of the principle heroes of the Greeks/Romans who was regarded as Divine in nature (as man and as God), had many stories about his emotions, responsibilities, and self control which solidified his identity. Its puzzled me when men complain that they must have some type of responsibility to be 'manly' based on these figures, when really these figures that represent the male idea encapsulate far more than they give them credit for, it is we who have limited sight when approaching the concept of men, instead seeing shallow inadequacies.
     
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  6. Sorry if that struck a nerve. You sound like you are carrying around some significant anger, or maybe not, I don't know you at all so it's just a guess from what you wrote. Anger is an important emotion though and if you are a man, then I think it fits into this thread nicely. I hope you can find somewhere to express yourself more fully and not have to bare more responsibility for other peoples needs then you should. Big ups man.
     
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  7. I have to completely disagree, I think your view of women is extremely one-sided. First of all, I don't think altruism has anything to do with nature or gender. I don't doubt that a lot of men act completely selflessly by sacrificing their lifes for others in times of war or desperation, but that doesn't mean all women just sit in their comfortable homes and think of themselves all the time. Also, obviously any relationship should have an equal balance between give and take, otherwise it's a worthless relationship. If a woman is expecting emotional transparency and walks away when she is confronted with negative emotions, then she clearly never cared enough in the first place. Trust and honesty are the foundations of any healthy relationship. If you feel like you can't be open with your significant other, who should also be your best friend, because they will just feel annoyed by having to deal with your negative emotions, then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. If you feel like you're the only one who is romantic and prepares gifts and surprises and gets nothing in return, then that also doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
     
  8. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    I watched just yesterday a Vsauce video about destruction from its MindField series. Vsauce is a youtube channel, and i really recommend it to anyone. Theme of the video is why we enjoy destruction and does anger induced destruction helps a person be less angry. Turns out in the test Michael(the lead host) did that it doesnt. Expressing anger even made people more angry and vindictive. There was a scientist there who explained it better: expressing anger provides a short term cathartic relief but it makes person angrier in the long run because it conditions the person to that pattern to the point where person enjoys and seeks anger as something familiar and cathartic. Society installs many of these destructive patterns in men for utilitarian reasons. It hurts me to admit that society sometimes need that one dumb fuck to go out and sacrifice his life for the benefit of all.

    Concentrating on my anger kinda dismisses my point which was that men suffer because of death of their fallen comrades at least as much as women do, partly because of how they are closer to their suffering. Other than that i would still like to explain root of my anger. In short its this: only men are expected to be those dumb fucks to be sacrificed even though we agreed as a civilization that men and women should be equal, and my anger is directed to men because they are the ones who keep this economy of sacrifice going, their choice is the only element of this system which is irreplaceable and necessary to keep it going.
     
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  9. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    I agree. Society would fall apart if thing were really so slanted. But you are forgetting one big "give" women bring to the table by default: a womb.
     
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  10. I don't see how a woman's ability to carry and bear a child has anything to do with wanting to maintain a healthy relationship that is about selflessly expressing one's love for another person by also making sacrifices.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2018
  11. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    Making babies is inextricably connected with male/female relationships, its not really a choice in the long term sense, im talking on a level of society and species. And its certain that woman invest more risk, time and resources in a child by default, there is no way around it. Because of that women will chose/demand men who offset that investment with contributions of their own. In simplest sense, she cant work for 9 months of the relationship during pregnancy, equal relationship will require more financial investment from a man in that period at least, all other variables being equal. There are many other complicated ways in which this inequality is expressed.
     
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  12. I don't disagree with you that a pregnant woman and just turned mother is biologically more entitled to support from society and their partner/family, but still, I see no connection to maintaining a healthy romantic relationship. If a man has to be the only earner temporarily, that doesn't mean a woman will just stop caring about and thinking of others. Someone has to go to the store and buy food, cook dinner, someone has to clean the house, or take care of other responsibilities. Pregnancy and early motherhood doesn't turn a woman into an egoistic person treating everyone around her like slaves, let alone change anything about the give and take dynamic in a healthy romantic relationship. Not to mention that all healthy relationships start by having formed a deep emotional bond with another person, that is completely independent of any "biological interests", not all couples even want to have children.
     
  13. Wow! I think this is the first thread by @ClaudeDuval that I actually like/agree with... I think.

    Brené Brown talks about this in her TED Talk Listening to shame. In it she talks about how women can't cope with a man who's actually vulnerable. It's a strange game women play, they want men to be vulnerable and when a man is actually vulnerable they freak out and want the man to stop his vulnerability.

    I am quite emotional myself but I try to hide. I am passionate if I let myself be and that actually scared my ex so much so that she avoided me... She eventually ghosted me.

    I think women are being scared of vulnerability is down to how culture has been and still is. Men are expected to be the provider and the leader, women are expected to be provided for and be lead. Providers and leaders shouldn't show any weakness because things will fall apart. But the trouble is we're not robots. This is why I hate the term 'real man' and 'real woman'. In that movie thread, I answered sarcastically because what is a manly movie really. Such thread continues to reinforce the myth that men are unemotional.

    This is what Brené Brown says:

    You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work. You show me a man who can sit with a woman who's just had it, she can't do it all anymore, and his first response is not, "I unloaded the dishwasher"!

    But he really listens -- because that's all we need -- I'll show you a guy who's done a lot of work.

    Shame is an epidemic in our culture. And to get out from underneath it -- to find our way back to each other, we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way we're parenting, the way we're working, the way we're looking at each other...

    If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathy's the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too.

    If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path.
     
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  14. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    Thinking about others by itself doesnt buy food. Besides that social support is usually worked on by men 9 months more during their lifetimes(not including asymmetry in later child care).

    Early motherhood? Oh you mean having less resources to care for a baby? It doesnt make her egoistical, but it doesnt pay her bills either.

    I get your point. Reminds me of the plot of Interstellar when love got David McConaughey out of the black hole. Aint that love bond based on the balance of give and take which happen before? Biological interest is also expressed as sex drive. You cant say that it dont have nothing to do with relationships. Its also interesting how sex usually only occurs after woman gets a reassurance from man that he will stick around, committing to the future assistance. Its to be expected that you would put higher value on that commitment indicator than on "biological interests" as its logical a woman should.
     
  15. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes I self identify as a woman but then people stereotype me because outwardly I appear to be a man.
     
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  16. Wanting sex with a person you care for is not the same as wanting sex to spread your genes.

    I think this is getting too off-topic, I'll just have to agree to disagree with you here that a woman being temporarily unable to earn a living for herself to take care of another human being and ensure their future that way, makes her act selfishly and not perform tasks anymore that are selfless and done in other people's interest, let alone violate the balance of showing affection and care for their significant other.
     
  17. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    Our genitals(and part of our brain controlling them) dont know the difference.

    Agreed.
     
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  18. That's super deep. I don't think that men and women should be or are equal though. I also don't think that means men are better or suffer more. I think there is unique suffering and sacrifice to both. The golry and hero worship is unique to men and as you hinted at probably purpetuated by men. The points on anger you bring up are interesting. I'll look into those videos. Society can really only benefit from explosive anger though, not the kind that turns men in on themselves and leads to drug addiction, suicide or ulcers. In retrospect I'm sorry I directed it to you personally. You made some valid points for me to ponder. Cheers.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2018
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  19. I know I don't have much credibility being the only woman speaking here and being unable to speak on behalf of all women, but I think having an aversion to negative emotions is just human nature, male or female. Nobody likes to be sad or angry, nobody likes to be around sad or angry people. Being a psychotherapist or a doctor are extremely tough professions because it takes an incredible toll emotionally to have to listen to and deal with other people's suffering and problems and pain, and it usually comes from a genuine feeling of wanting to help other people. But I think in a relationship where you care for another person on a deeper level of emotional connection, you should always want to be someone's psychotherapist or doctor because you want to take care of those negative feelings out of how much you personally care about your partner's/friend's/relative's happiness and well-being. If that isn't the case, I think there is something else wrong in the relationship that has nothing to do with gender.
     
  20. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    You're not obligated to read anything I post, dont like my opinions then dont click on my posts.
     

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