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Making friends after quitting porn

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by CrispyMac, Mar 1, 2019.

  1. CrispyMac

    CrispyMac Fapstronaut

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    I'm on about day 105 of no masturbation and day 55 of not looking at porn.

    I am 29 years old and have been content for the last 8 years or so to stay at home and watch bullshit on the internet. But in the last few weeks I really want to socialise and when I sit at my desk I am bored as fuck.

    Quitting porn has created a void and I am not sure how to fill it.

    Has anyone else experienced this? How did you go about fixing it?

    I am in between jobs at the moment so I am spending most of my time alone preparing for interviews and looking for a job. I will have a job in the next few weeks so I can socialise with people from work but I want to start meeting people outside work also.

    Hearing from people who have gone through the same thing due to quitting porn instead of hearing cliches would be most appreciated as I can find that kind of advice on youtube etc.

    Cheers.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2019
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  2. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I started going to parties. It sucks so much, I'm shy and don't know what to do. I hate when someone notices that and starts harassing me. And still, I go there because I have no choice.
     
    J1mz11 likes this.
  3. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    first of all, respect for being faced with the void and feeling bored as fuck and still staying strong. That really is impressive.

    I am 29 myself and was in pretty much the exact same situation lol

    I never really liked going to parties either but that is also not what I did luckily. Still hate it actually.
    I knew that it is going to be painful but I just went out and talked to women on the streets that I found attractive.
    In comparison to parties I found that this had the massive upside of being able to jump in and out of stressful (at least for me) situations whenever I chose to.
    In a party situation I would have been suffering with high anxiety the whole god damn time. And then left miserable haha

    Talking to people is literally right at your doorstep but most of us don't even think that doing something like this actually works.

    What am I supposed to say?
    Isn't that weird?
    Won't I come across as super creepy and then she/he just darts off in a sprint?

    Honestly, despite me being super socially awkward from years and years of severe social anxiety and isolation most women reacted positively. In the first 2 weeks maybe 6 out of 10 and it only got better once I became more relaxed with it. Looking back there have been quite a few cringeworthy moments but actually I am smiling really hard right now just thinking about it. It becomes really funny with some time to digest it.

    And things just started developing from there for me. Entered different social circles (not many, like 3 maybe), also started chatting with guys at the gym and made friends there etc. I don't do this anymore because I am super busy by now but I only did it for maybe a couple of months. Truth is, most people really want to connect, crave it even it felt like.

    If you want/need more detail on what exactly I did, feel free to send me a pm. Am happy to do so man.

    Best wishes for your journey!
     
    J1mz11 likes this.
  4. abacus123

    abacus123 Fapstronaut

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    Making friends has been an interesting process for me. There is normally a dance people go through, at least in my experience. I've never had a problem sharing with people, and in fact my problem is that usually it is people who aren't ready to share with me for whatever reason. When you're older and after college, it gets to be a bit harder as well since at your work you can have people that are at different stages in life and it might be hard to relate (though not impossible).

    With male friends, usually it is centered about an activity. This is usually the gym or video games, or some other active endeavor. Talking to people at the gym can be a bit intimidating since some of the guys there are total douches trying to prove they're strong so people would like them. But there is usually enough normal people who would be happy to chat. Asking a guy for advice on how to do something at the gym is usually a good way to start a conversation. Something like, "hey, can you spot me" or "have you tried suicide grip," etc. If you'd consider internet friends, for video games there are usually decent communities in games that could be done cooperatively, like Rust or Don't Starve Together. There are some toxic communities as well. You can also use websites like meet up and can bond with people over activities.

    For female friends, usually meet ups and community/volunteering groups is a great way to make them. I do some volunteer work every weekend, and I have met some great people this way.

    You do have to take some initiative, as it's been said already. In my case, my problem is that I have been too forward a couple of times and essentially killed the potential friendship, since people took it to be needy/didn't respect their privacy, etc. If you seem too needy, some people might assume they can do better than you, or that you have ulterior motives. However, taking the first step or two and actively inviting people to do something is usually the way to go. After that, hopefully the other person will reciprocate. In my case, when I look at the efforts I make to gain friends, I have been able to get a decent number and quality of people irl and most recently online, but that took a lot of work. I was rejected several times (essentially the other person didn't seem interested, in part my approach might have been too forward, or they simply never reciprocated my interest). People will come in and out of your life often, so eventually you get better at making the right connections.

    Best of luck! I'm happy to talk more and in more detail in private messages.
     

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