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Madly fallen in love

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Mar 30, 2017.

  1. Hello guys. We have terrible case here - I'm nearly 22 yo guy living in central Europe.
    On the end of 2015 I have met really special girl for me and during all this time, her bf dumped her and we had been close since. But we were not couple. It's been a really long time, since I was trying to reach her. We were going on dates, sincerely talking in bars and other fancy places, even had sex, but she's telling me that she can't offer me more than friendship. She just don't feel it.
    But I feel pain. Everytime she's telling me that, I'm hurt and don't know what to do. I don't want to stay as friends since seeing her with another men will cause me much pain. She knows it, and know that if she finds someone, I will leave her and cut off all contact.
    She told me that she's not dating. With no reason - I don't know what this means.
    I have tried direct approach - no success. Few times I have cut contact for a week, but after she called me by phone She's always calling me after 3-4 days of silence or after meeting with her. It's like she wants to love me, but she can't. I'm totally newbie in all these relationship stuff, but came here to seek help. Can you help me please? Sometimes I'm panicked and don't know what to do.
    This person is really special to me - I don't want to hurt her or do harm, just want to care about. But I also want to be happy. This situation is taking too much time and too much nerves.

    Sorry for this plain and simple English - there could be grammar mistakes and such.
     
  2. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    There's your answer. It sounds like you have a great friend there. Value and enjoy that relationship for what it is. Don't throw it away because it's not something else. If your friend meets someone, be happy for her. Your feeling that you would like it to be more than friends, but it's not. It may not seem like it now, but in time you will find someone else to love just as intensely, and maybe next time they will love you back the same way. But don't throw this friendship away just because it's not that. Be grateful for what you have now and realize that the other thing you want will come in time, with someone else.
     
    LongWayHome likes this.
  3. J247

    J247 Fapstronaut

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    It's the classic case of the friendzone. She'll use you as a shoulder to cry on until she meets a new guy. Sorry :(
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2017
    Calculas and LongWayHome like this.
  4. the promise

    the promise Fapstronaut

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    You want her to make her happy ? Then let her choose let her free will , yo love is selfish we just dont know.it , we want a persone to be happy but only by the terms of being with us , is like the saying "i killed the dog because it made you laugh " love is saying to her what you feel , and if you get somthing back thats a bonus but dont pressure her thats not nice , she just had an end of a relationship ,luck friend remember life is not always what we want . Is what we need
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Hi I'm a woman and I know it feels like the pain you are feeling is unbearable right now but trust me it will pass you are not alone. We have all been there. She has clearly told you she does not feel the same and so you have no choice but to move on. Nothing that you can do will change her mind and you are wasting time on her that you could spend on a girl that feels the same way about you. You are drawing out the pain. I've been this girl and of course I can be your friend since I don't have feelings for you. But you who does have feelings will take any little thing the girl does as a friend as a sign of hope when it's not. It's a vicious cycle where you always end up in pain. For me at least once a guy is in the friend zone he will never come back. That's not to say you will get over her immediately but cutting off contact is the first step. Block her number block her on all social media and do not go places you know she will be. You will meet the right person in due time but not if you hang onto her. And when you do you will be like why did I waste my time on her? You can never know why you got friend zoned. It could have nothing to do with you. Sometimes people just realize that they are no longer compatible. As a female I will say sometimes when men come on really strong and are begging for a relationship that turns us off. It scares us because we do not want to be the sole reason you are happy or unhappy. We need to see you are a strong self sufficient person who is happy on his own not reliant on us. Many women also see it as being weak. So the harder you push the more she is getting turned off. My other advice take the time you need to grieve. But set a time and move on. Spend the day in bed and mourn but then get out there and meet people. Hugs! I know this pain it totally sucks when your feelings are not reciprocated.
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  6. Calculas

    Calculas Guest

    I have been through same situation.

    1) She used to behave as if she likes me.
    2) Didnt contact me if i dont contact her first. (She did contact after long tym in love each day seems like an year)
    3) She coudnt see me angry.

    If she feels that she wants you to be just her friend than just accept it. Because that feeling of forcing her to love me made me a very short tempered person.


    See I did cut off every contact with her for an year and i improved other aspects of my life. But now she returned herself and I have same feelings for her. But atleast I am not the same as before.

    So i did almost the same thing you are planning to do i guess. I can totally understand your situation. This love wont end but love hurts. Let her go.
     

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