Lying

My bf is doing really well this time. No PM for over 130 days, since our last DDay. I know things are changing, I know he is finally serious and is putting in the effort. I know he is trying and wants to do right. I am really proud of how far he has come. To be honest I am sometimes envious of how easy this seems for him, I wish it could be that way for me too. But that isn't what this post is about. It is his lying and fibbing. I think lying is second nature to him and I know it will take a lot of effort to change that, and he will slip up in the process. But I expect honesty from him in everything, no matter how hard it is. I don't mind if a lie slips but he then corrects it. It will happen. But to rebuild trust I NEED honesty. At this point it isn't even the big things he is lying about. But these little lies make me doubt. If he can not be truthful about the little things how can I expect him to be truthful about the big things? Sometimes he looks like a deer caught in the headlights and this is normally when he will fib. He'll think but look panicky and say something like 'I don't know' or 'no' 'not recently' or other such things. I often already know the answer, but I just want the truth from him. It makes me want to scream, but I don't. In my mind I am screaming wordlessly though. I try very hard to remain calm but having to pull the truth from him is wearing on me. He is at the point that I guess he isn't outright lying but I am tried of having to play semantics.

A couple examples, the other day I asked him if he had been looking through my discord messages. It was on the wrong page so either he was on it or something was messed up. He knows he can use it to talk with my friend or family. He has done it in the past, we often read the messages together or I read them to him to let him know what is going on. He got that look and finally said 'I don't know'... Of course he knew, it was that morning he was reading them. Again, I don't care if he reads them. After asking many questions he said 'not recently' and 'a couple of days ago'. He finally said, after more pointed questions that he didn't think he should be/was allowed to look through them. Which I said, firstly I have no problem if you read the messages. I have nothing to hide, you are always welcome to read them. And if you thought you shouldn't be reading them why did you do it? Why sneak and be dishonest. I got no answer to that.

Another common one is food. I am diabetic so I have certain food that I keep in case my blood glucose drops, it is also a treat. Things like a certain brand of ice cream or protein bars. He also has dietary restrictions due to health, so we do eat similar things but for different reasons. The thing is that he eats all his sweet foods while mine last a while. But he will eat all of his and then go onto mine. To be fair he is getting better with it, but still. He will do it in a very deceitful manner too. He will sneak it until there is a little bit left. I go to get something because I need it and it is nearly all gone. I've gotten to where I have had to mark my food that way I know for a fact he is taking it and I am not just forgetting how much I have. The thing is that I will share with him if he asks me. I just need to make sure I have something if I need it.

There is one more big one, not food related but I am unsure if I am comfortable sharing it on the forums. But it is the same, sneaking, switching and lying about it.

I don't know what the point of this post really is. I think I just needed to vent. I do know he is trying to stop this behavior. But this lying is pushing me when I am already so close to the edge.

 

I meant to put this is partner support, any way to move it there?

 

You're right Bogo Biggins, I should get a lock box for the important things. Part of me is resistant to it, whining ' I shouldn't have to do that! I don't wanna!!' But 'should' and 'wanna' don't matter in this. I shouldn't have to be here at all, but that is not how things worked out. And I hope that in the end it would only have to be a temporary solution. And thank you hope4healing for the support. Writing my post all I could think was that it sounded so shallow. But it is actually important, it isn't just 'my food' and me being greedy. I willingly share, but in this it is my health. And the lies hurt so much.

 

Thank you both. 305 BS Ghostwriter, that is very high. I hope you are ok now.

We are both following a very low carb diet, I've been for a couple of years and he switched over about a year ago. No sugar, limited carbs. He has health problems that benefit from the keto diet and my blood sugars are in a great range since switching which is something I've struggled with all my life. I'm type 1 diabetic, was diagnosed at 5 years old. Before this he was a sugar addict. I use to joke about it but I now know he really was addicted to it. He is doing very well, but still craves sweets I think and has a hard time limiting even the things that are allowed in the diet. He is doing better. His sugar free ice cream lasted him 5 days instead of the normal 2. He does say he wished he knew about keto long ago. He had crohn's disease and tells me his stomach is so much better then it ever has been. He just struggles with 'want X' and if it is there he doesn't think, just does.
We were talking about little about the fibbing and I wonder if part of it is learned. His dad does the same things. He will lie about something even if I saw him or know he did it. The biggest thing with his dad is the dog(s). One dog currently, but we use to have three. He does all the things I ask him not to do. Feeding off the plate, from the table, giving way too many treats. I make sure to keep the dogs health and at a good weight. It is more important now with our current dog, she is a great dane and extra weight on her is very bad for her heart and joints. But my point was his dad fibs too, a lot. So for my bf I think part of it is habit but part is learned. But he knows this, sees this and I hope working through this.

 

@GhostWriter
Keto is the best thing I have every done for my diabetes. I've tried following the ADA recommendations and my BS would spike after every meal. I've tried eating more veggies, more/less this, that and the other thing. Nothing seemed to help, I just accepted that I have uncontrolled diabetes and had to live with it. I knew the damage that it was doing to my body but I tried so hard. So I figured I will enjoy now and what happens happens. My normal sugars would run in the range you are in now. A few years ago I had gotten sick with a kidney infection and after coming home from the hospital I put new effort into trying to manage my diabetes. I stumbled across a group of mostly type 2 diabetics, but also a few type 1 and they all followed either keto or low carb. I figured what do I have to loose? I'd give it a shot and if it didn't work I'd drop it. Let me tell you it was amazing. My fasting sugars are now around 75-80 and rarely go over 90 during the day. I wish I would have heard of this sooner. I wish the drs wouldn't push drugs and unhealthy diets. I would highly recommend it if you'd like to get your sugars down into a normal range. I feel so much better too, less aches and pains, less migraines, more energy. My cousins husband was recently diagnosed with type 2 and with just keto he is getting his BS readings closer to a normal range.

 

Things are getting better with the food. I do have glucose around and a few glucose pens if it gets that bad. We talked shorty after I wrote the post and since then he has left my stuff alone and he is working on not devouring his treats too. The lying is getting there, but he still withholds things sometimes. It is still lying, and we are working on it. But it can be so frustrating.