Lost and confused

9 Days is Great !!! Shows Effort.......... Self-Discipline.......... Planning.......... and Success.

(Gee Ms. Wife........... how about a little encouragement for his effort???) Men need Sex like air and water. Women need Affection like air and water. He is getting ZERO of his needs met.......... Y-o-u can get Affection [hugs] from you daughter......... relatives...... girlfriends......etc.

If they have stupid porn [$] in the motel room........ tell them to cancel it. If they can't.....or won't....... move out
to a motel without porn channels. If you have to ....... sleep in your car or van at night....... and just shower
in the morning. (*You can shower at Gyms........... or truck stop.) Being alone........ and around porn is tempting. You are human.......... and need to get rid of all triggers (porn, being alone, etc.) and all temptations. Tell the Motel you have to move out ["you hate Tv's...; its' against your religion..."]
Got to be willing to (have the mindset of) "DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!"
[i.e......... sleeping in car........... buy/rent a mini-van and sleep in it.... Give your self a treat [donuts, cake, etc at 3am; go for a drive, etc.]
Have your wife drive up........ [with the minivan]..........(some Affection/chick movie for her ..... and Maintenance Sex for you) .......... and switch cars.)

Re: wife nagging............ She may Actually be hurt........sad....... angry and FEEL THAT SHE CAN'T COMPARE with the hotties on porn sites -- so she brings it up -- her constant feelings of inadequacy (insecurity).
Tell her to get it out her system once and for all. You are trying to focus on her.

YOUR THE MAN............ THE LEADER............. SO HOW ABOUT A "NEW RULE" that applies to both of you?
NEW RULE...... CAN ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING ONCE. THEN IF THE OTHER PERSON IS MAKING EFFORTS TO CHANGE......... STOP COMPLAINING.


Keep doing your part to avoid porn (pursue Hobbies; Exercise [I've walked the stairs at 5 story hotels -- sometimes with dumbells; or use the Motel Gym....... have a pizza....soda... and watch "Top Gear" episodes on youtube........... or other movies you like.......etc.)

Ms. Wifey....... how about you both listen to (and follow) the therapists instructions.............. not your non-psychologist girlfriends? You are undermining his progress. The nature of an addiction is that a person cannot/has difficulty controlling themselves (crack, heroin, alcohol, sex, gambling, nicotine, etc.)
And ....... this is NoFap............. the goal here is to transition people AWAY from PMO -- not encourage them in it -- as your non-psychologist girlfriend wrongly advised! How about getting advice from a Real Counselor -- like his? His counselor should give you both a List of things to work on.


It's great you are taking measures to overcome PMO. You are on the right track; and are doing good.
If you stop PMO.............. then she can't relentlessly complain about THE SAME THING over and over again.

Maybe you guys can drive a few hours toward each other ............ and meet at a Motel weekly or monthly?
All things are possible. All things. (Google and read about "Jason Mercado"..... homeless.........NO MONEY............. and started a bakery! Inspirational story. I've been to "Every Mans Battle" seminar before................ and ALL men from ALL over the world........with ALL kinds of jobs......... College degrees............or working class............. ALL have testosterone to deal with. Much like nos (racing "gas") -- very difficult to manage -- but it is possible with some effort......... and removing temptations..... accountability partner.........BEING WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

That may be a Great idea. Two to four weeks will be very helpful so each of you can WORK YOUR INDIVIDUAL PROGRAMS.

AND PERHAPS, ONLY CALL/TEXT/EMAIL each other ONCE a week.
That would eliminate either of you from complaining, discouraging or undermining the others progress.

She can read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" or "Every Wife Restored"........or something similar.
And you can read EveryMan's Battle [to see how common "sexual errors or sins" are"......... and work on your List.)

Wifey.... have you e-v-e-r lusted? Every read 'soft porn' romance novels? ) (He robbed banks. You robbed liquor stores -- but you both are robbers.) We are all human -- and have made errors or sins.

Trick..... when you get tempted go on NoFap and try and assist others [advice] ............. like I'm doing here. You seem to have a BUSY life....... so 5-10 minutes. Try it...... it works very good. You will be using a 'distraction technique'......... and helping others.

Free Tips:
1. You literally don't have to watch porn ever again. (self.NoFap)
submitted 2 years ago by BazookaMorpheus88 Days

2. When PMO is not even an option (self.NoFap)
submitted 3 years ago * by Kestral 233 days
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2dw0al/when_pmo_is_not_even_an_option/

3. Google: "The pain of self-discipline [4] is far less than the pain of regret [8]" ..... Find an image you like......... and save it onto your computer or phone. (Ex: Go outside and get some fresh air. Temptations usually last only 10-20 minutes.)

4. Daily or Weekly Rewards -- treats or dessert (for good behavior); or buy something related to a hobby you really enjoy; listen to your favorite songs, etc.

5. Some guy on line had this great advice: " Never touch your dick……[or female parts for women]."
Tip……. when showering use a wash cloth

6. Humor ....... Google: "Glad you could join me Mr. Bond". Funny, somewhat possessed toddler............... Anyone know the Villain the toddler is supposed to represent?

7. Click on the NoFap "Emergency" button and find an image you like (positive influence): http://i.imgur.com/bbWSvJx.jpg

BONUS -- Water fasting 1-3 times weekly [meals; or days] will help you have more self control -- and has many health benefits. If you choose to skip breakfast, GREEN TEA (WITH CAFFEINE) is a low cost, good, mild, healthy stimulant that gives you energy.

You can do it!

 

Seriously, some of this is gold!

I'm getting a real Blofeld vibe off of the picture, but then again I have two cats that would both work well as Bond villains - not the villain's cat, but actual villains.

 

Have her look at a couple of my posts, I have been hospitalized 4 times (4!) with chest pains from anxiety, insomnia, headache for 40 days STRAIGHT, shakes, twitches like siezures, did I mention anxiety?! This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Heroin addicts have said quitting the drug was WAY easier than this. Have her watch the one hour video on "your brain on porn". Have her watch Gabe Deen or Terry Crews. My wife is watching me suffer for her. She knows it's NOT about her, it's about dopamine. Tell your wife you are fighting FOR her.

 

How about some REAL advice now?
From a recovery veteran...
Do these two things first
.. Find a CSAT (Certified sex addiction therapist) for you.
And look up Betrayal Trauma and then read a book on it.
Maybe by Doug Weiss.

 

Yes. You might be addicted, but you digged this hole that you're trying to get out of. The deeper the hole you digged, the harder it is to get out of.

So you might be miserable and having a hard time, but you did this to yourself. Your wife has the right to be angry at you.

You escaped life's problems via porn until the time has come where you can't escape anymore because your family is at stake. Reality won't let you escape anymore. Now your coping mechanism for stressful and difficult times is hurting your reality and the people around you. All you want to do is escape and you've grown weak in terms of dealing with problems.

It's more of an addiction to comfort and an escape from tension.

If your wife wasn't giving you as much shit as she's giving you now, you would probably continue to believe that reality can still be neglected. So I believe that she's doing the right thing by giving you a really hard time about this.

The stakes are real and reality is a lot more urgent now. You can't just cope, protect, and be self centered anymore. Well I guess you can, but at the cost of your family.

Addiction is a real thing, but don't use it as an excuse. Just accept that you fucked up and keep trying. She doesn't want to hear any reasons of why you can't put your family first. Your reaction to her right now is self pity, but it's that exact same self centered behavior that got you digging this hole in the first place.

Tell your wife that you have no more excuses, that you fucked up, and you're going to try to beat this thing.

 

Frist off why would you talk about yourself like that? second its about perspective man its easy to look at tough things and be self critical what if you look at the them and say to yourself I LEARNED SOMETHIGN FROM THAT , I GOT WISER , I BECOME STRONGER BECAUSE OF IT . Its easy to get back into the pitty party routine if you don't change your attitude I know I have been there its a daily disapline