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Losing Hope

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by brightfuture, Mar 5, 2014.

  1. brightfuture

    brightfuture Fapstronaut

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    Just finished watching porn and masturbation before posting this thread. Its 11:30pm. I got work tomorrow. Need to go sleep now!
    Just posting to say that I don't know what to do about this addiction anymore. I feel I have honestly tried everything. Maybe I have not tried hard enough. Maybe its because of my lack of discipline or focus that I cant stay away from pmo for long.
    I don't want to be discouraging but the prospect of living with this addiction for the rest of my life does not seem worth it. Having to fight it constantly for the rest of my life. Feeling the lows, depression, shame and lack of confidence.
    Sorry but that is just how I'm feeling right now. I have to be honest. I am just running out of energy to keep fighting. This addiction has literally wore out my body, mind, spirit, finances, relationships etc... I dont have much left.
    Will see what happens tomorrow.
    Thanks for reading friends!
     
    arthurHale likes this.
  2. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Theres a saying mate that "in the darkest hour the eye begins to see", and also, "its always darkest just before dawn" and unfortunately many people give up just because they refused to keep going or thought they had nothing left. But its when your running on empty that you have the opportunity to really dig deep into reserves of spirit that you never thought you had in you but ironically you needed to hit rock bottom to discover them because the treasure is never on the surface, its always buried deep and we need to dig with all we've got sometimes to get to it so never mistake the wrapping for the gift because your situation is teaching you things about yourself that you would not have learned had you not been exactly where you are now.

    And theres no point in beating yourself up and lamenting that you shouldnt be in this situation etc because life IS and as such you have got to deal with what IS here and now, learn how you got here, what your going to need to do to move forward and then take the first steps and then keep walking in the direction of your dreams. You've got to keep going mate and you said youve tried everything but you've probably only tried the things you know but as Albert Einstein once said "you will not solve a problem with the same mindset that caused it" so you have to be willing to try new things and to be patient with yourself because lasting change does not happen overnight.

    Try a great book called Changing for Good by James O Prochaska as the system in there will really help you (I stopped drinking and smoking six years ago having gotten to where you are now by using this system) and I simply cannot recommend that book enough. Start to use the time you looked at porn to do other more constructive things like looking at TED X talks on youtube and see where they take you and then start limiting the time you spend on line and replacing your old destructive habits with healthier ones making them your primary focus. And get out of the habit of 'fighting' and 'abstaining' as both of these focus on what you are losing rather than redirecting and focusing your energies on what you are gaining and your 'addictive voice' loves you to feel deprived because then it can chip away at and manipulate the 'poor me' part of you.

    See if these help...

    http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2655-The-Way-of-Harmony

    http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?5428-Accept-yourself!!

    http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2660-Keep-going

    Change is an INSIDE job and I see to many people waiting for external circumstances to change first but you have to identify the part of you that is driving the addiction (IS the addiction) which is like a psychopath that lives inside you masquerading as the real you and you have to be prepared to be ruthless with it no matter how much it begs and screams, because it doesnt give a shit about you because all it cares about is feeding itself with its next fix of whatever it needs to stay alive and so you must starve it as anything else keeps it alive and ready to pounce.

    See if this helps you identify that part of you?

    http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2430-I-think-therefore-I-fap-(!!)-Dealing-with-withdrawal

    And seriously mate, just take another look at your username and listen to this...


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qrriKcwvlY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    Keep posting. Keep going...;)
     
  3. freedomwarrior

    freedomwarrior Fapstronaut

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    brightfuture, that is how you are feeling right now. You realize this 'right now' feeling sucks, but will also fade away and will go away with hard work. I am sorry this is a low point for you. Your posts to others are so encouraging. Read those and encourage yourself.

    I see you are new here in the last few weeks. You are a hero for being here, because most of the PMO addicts are not here. Just by being here is a statement that you want to heal. Healing will hurt. There will be tears. But there is awesome happiness when you come through this on the other end.

    Mark is a awesome resource and as close to an expert as I have seen on this site. Read his post and read it again and again. Each time you read it you will learn something new and you will be encouraged in a new and exciting way. Keep posting, as it is very healthy. Post about the great stuff happening every day and post about your struggles.

    Good morning, down and over there in New Zealand. Looking forward to your recovery and being your friend through the healing. God Bless you and walk with you.

    FW
     
  4. freedomwarrior

    freedomwarrior Fapstronaut

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    brightfuture, does this look familiar?

    'Stay on track bro! Depression is temporary! Reaching your goal and being a champion is permanent! You have what it takes bro! You never know what you are capable of until you push yourself! All the best champ!'
     
  5. Upside2

    Upside2 Fapstronaut

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    brightfuture, I was in a similar place last week - relapsed, lost all my motivation, just sat with my head on my desk feeling like shit and thinking it was all over... then a few days without porn and my mojo started coming back. I'm on day 6 now I think and I'm firing on all cylinders. Have faith, leave the porn alone and you'll find your strength again.
     
  6. brightfuture

    brightfuture Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement Mark! Cheers mate! The futures so bright! LOL!
     
  7. brightfuture

    brightfuture Fapstronaut

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    Thanks freedom warrior! I will feast on my own words! LOL! Like WIlliam Wallace said: Freeedoooooooooommmmmm!
     
  8. brightfuture

    brightfuture Fapstronaut

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    Cheers Upside2! Great to hear of your progress. I will heed your advice my friend and get back on track!
     
  9. lessismore

    lessismore New Fapstronaut

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    you need courage, a lot of discipline and a new perspective. Trust that after many hard moments, those hard moments will become easy and eventually a piece of cake. then you found the flow and this flow becomes a habit. yes, dude no fapping can become a habit too. You feel weak, empty and depressed, but at the end of the tunnel the sun rises and you will become a more wise person, and think about it like: that was an experience.

    No fapping can be a habit too!!
     
  10. DarkATi

    DarkATi Fapstronaut

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    brightfuture,

    We sometimes focus on our defeats and not our victories. It is a victory that you are here. It is a victory that you want to quit... or at least you want to want to quit! It is a victory that you have found this community and all of the wonderful resources which currently exist for this kind of addiction.

    Focus on your victories! Don't beat yourself up. You are on the right track. Rome wasn't built in a day. Success just means getting up one more time than you are knocked down. Just one more time. So, keep at it!
     
  11. stygian

    stygian Fapstronaut

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    It's not because you have not tried hard enough and not because you have a lack of discipline or focus.

    The very fact that you made that post above shows that you want to give this up and that you are going to succeed.

    Although I didn't realize that PMO was an addiction until 1-2 months ago, I had been trying to give it up since May and the longest I have gone in that period is about 14 days. I relapsed 4 times in January, 5 in February, and still am not past my 14 days. I don't know who I am to be giving advice. But there are many others here who also find it difficult and have managed to get past it. I also felt many times that I had tried everything. But what helped me was reading about addiction, watching the videos on YBOP, reading the accounts on YBOP. Just take it one step and one day at a time, try doing some reading/watching YBOP videos every morning. I have found that looking at my counter here helps when I get tempted.
     

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