I understand that this space intends to address issues regarding porn/masturbation addictions but I hope I can still post about my struggle with losing a battle to escorts. We are not a couple, yet or maybe never. However, I am deeply in love with this man for many reasons. He says he truly loves me too... and the only thing stopping him from committing to me is because he still hadn't gotten over his ex-wife. But was that really the reason..? (Summer 2016) One day, I was trying to checking my email on his computer. Normally, I switch to guest on his computer but I was groggy and irritated that my own laptop hadn't charged overnight. Before I finished typing in "gmail", the search bar immediately suggested 3 links. The links had led to a website called *name of website redacted* and I clicked on them all and they were escorts that he had hired within the past 3 months (since Aug 2016). Subsequently, I found myself looking through history since we met, since I visited him for a week and while I was living with him for a month... I don't care if any of you judge me for prying. He frequents the local backpages, other escort sites, porn sites, sugar dating sites, and the site mentioned above. The women he searches for are another race. He likes... big/nice butts. He tells me I have a nice ass but mine are nowhere near as... nice or big as the ones he hires. It broke me when I found out, and I still am broken about this. I didn't even know escorts existed up until this point... I was able to conclude that he is a hobbyist and regularly spends almost his entire paychecks on this. He always says he's broke but I never understood why, considering his hourly pay, work hours and not having to contribute to rent/utilities at home. He also complains that his life goes nowhere, crappy job, no new car, seems to be going nowhere in life... I wonder why?? I believe his addiction to escorts is the true reason why he hesitates to date me and can't seem to move forward in life. However, I don't know how to deal with this any further. For 6 months, I find myself still in love with him, truly. Also, as a friend, I can't stand to know that he squanders his life like this. I've spent those 6 months with him normally, showing him that I love and care for him deeply while pretending I am completely ignorant to his secret life. However, I don't want to keep doing this. I want him to commit to me... I want him to move forward in life. 5 days ago... I approached him about dating me once more. And once more he had yet another excuse, my depression. I will not elaborate further but deep down I keep telling myself its because of his secret addiction. I can't win. I'm terrified, he'll give me some grand excuse or just keep biding his time until I give up on him... I can't win, I want to save him... but I really don't know what to do, at all. Thanks for reading... Any insight, criticism or whatever would be appreciated.