Looking to start a group for husbands trying to be worthy of your wife's trust again

I am a 42-year old Christian man .. married for 20 years .. we have 6 kids (ages 7-19) .. June 1st of this year, my "secret" online porn addiction which has gone on our entire marriage was fully exposed.

My wife and I are trying to figure out if our marriage will survive this major crisis--we essentially/effectively pushed the pause button on our marriage on June 1st.

We are both in individual counseling .. and there are more details about the last 6 months as we have walked this out that I would be happy to share.

..

FOR THIS POST, I thought I would put a call out in this forum to see if there are other husbands who are in similar situations:
* you had/have a hidden online problem with porn fully exposed
* your wife doesn't know if she wants to continue in the marriage or not
* you have made strides in changing your behavior..maybe have not been perfect, but are actively working to stop PMing
* your relationship with your wife is either non-existent or a mysterious roller-coaster of ups and downs / knowns and unknowns
* BUT, you want your marriage to work out

If this describes you, please reply to this thread. I want to start a group focused on the process of winning back your wife's trust / being worthy of her trust again / and all the struggles and ideas and wins and loses of that difficult, long process.

If I get a good response, I will create a new group in Nofap and invite everyone who replies.

You don't have to be a Christian...although I know most of the books I've read the last 6 months are Christian-based, and that is where I go for strength and faith to endure and how I have hope for the future.

 

@Broken3, thanks for that link--just read the article: the sentence that stuck out to me:

SO TRUE! Thanks for sharing.

 

Thanks @LizzyBlanca .. your comment reminded me of another resource I found today that was linked to by another wife of a PA -- it's a 1-hour podcast entitled "Nerd-out on Bonding: Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Kevin Skinner" is SSOO good. I recommend it to both PA and wives of PA -- I just added it to my signature.

Here is a brief description of it:

 

Floating this thread to the top....any other husbands interested in this? (see original post)

Reply to this thread .. or PM me.

 

I think being "worthy of love" and "worthy of trust" are different things .. especially for someone like me, being dishonest and hiding porn addiction for 20 years (the entirety of our marriage).

To me, being "worthy of trust" again is a process...earning trust back is not like a light switch you just toggle on.

I think my wife can (and hopefully does) love me .. while at the same time being very distrustful of me -- for good freakin reasons too..right?

The point of this thread was to find a group of husbands in this same slow, agonizing process of trying to win our wive's heart back / trying to regain the trust that we lost due to indulging in porn.

 

YES...I totally know what you mean @LowKeeKee ... none of it being "real".

But there is something to it -- having such a big lie hidden .. for me, for 20+ years. I also think it's just part of the process of dealing with the pain / the disappointment / the lost confidence in who our wives thought we were.

Thanks for joining the group....I'm still getting a list of folks together. Maybe next week, I'll look into a new NoFap group / or group chat / group message thing.

 

Thanks @Kenzi ... and thanks to all the SOs -- your perspectives and contributions on NoFap make this forum such a rich resource for us recovering PAs.

 

Split up the SOs and PAs? Say it isn't so?!?!?

...

Okay @Kenzi - I just read all the messages on pages 1 and 2 or your rock-stars-lists ... OMG. I am stunned - that is incredible.

I could probably ask 10 questions, but the thing I am most interested/curious about is the Articles Queue -- I wouldn't think that is too personal, no? Any chance you have a Google Doc or something with about 1,000 links to articles that in some way pertain to PA recovery / improving intimacy, relationship in marriage / etc. ???

Or maybe just even a Top 10 (or Top 25)??

 

AND then of course .. I just clicked open the link you put to @AnonymousAnnaXOXO :

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/resources-that-are-helpful-to-both-pa-and-so.108414/

and that thread has about 40 links to some great looking stuff.