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Looking for Inspiration

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by pacificocean, May 22, 2018.

  1. pacificocean

    pacificocean Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fapstronauts, I honestly feel a little funny just saying that. I am an older guy (48) and have never posted to a forum, blog or otherwise. I happened to stumble upon this site while researching for anything that may help me. I was not trying to find symptoms which may help me self diagnose my problems. Which today are many. I do not have a headache or tummy ache. You see, apparently like many of you, I am a porn addict. Another funny thing, that is the first time I have ever admitted that "out loud". Although I have known for some time. I was aware when I got married and I was still aware when I got divorced. I was aware when I had PIED and couldn't have kids and when my Dr was trying to figure out why. But I can lie to myself like a MoFo. It was thinking that I could stop when it started to negatively affect my life that was the lie. The marriage is just scratching the surface of the problems I mentioned above due to PMO.
    Admitting to myself the degree to which that negativity was impacting my life was just another lie. It was easy to say she was a bitch anyway (All my friends agreed). So I told myself it was a positive thing anyway. Now I cant even get one of "those" due to the romantic attachment anxiety and avoidance strategies that I use to justify being single for the last 6 years. Not to mention the anger, fear and stress that I carry around on a daily basis. More of the problems I mentioned.
    But enough of that. I am a professional in the health field (Which I think makes my guilt even heavier) and I believe in positive reinforcement. I was pretty stoked to find this forum and read the positive comments from others who have walked this road. I have quite using porn hundreds of times. I am intrigued by the counter and like the idea of not trying to remember in my head how many days (or hours) it has been since I quite this time. This community is different from anything I have seen. I honestly dont know if this revelation will help me or not. I really Freakin hope so. But I thank Alexander and Mark for putting it together and putting your grills on it.
    I am going to be a part of this community and fully commit myself to the healing process. My counter is low now as I am just getting started. If you see it at 1 or 2 again, your words of encouragement will be appreciated.
    If you have taken the time to read all of this, thank you. I have never had any other addict friends. It is empowering to a degree. Although I know there are other porn addicts in my family and attending more formal therapy, I am the only one who knows it. Maybe one day Ill be able to have that conversation also. I hope you have had a good day. For I did not. Tomorrow is another opportunity.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Thanks for sharing your story..

    First of all I'd like to commend your effort of putting it all out, as is..like you said you believe in positive reinforcement, I would suggest you to take that energy and push it to the limit where you can abstain your sexual urges for n-amount of time and you'll be amazed what it does to you and for you..

    I would also like you to know that you're not alone in this journey of PMO addiction, many of us are on the very same page you are.

    Try small duration of abstinence first and build your streak.. you'll find your healing on this journey..

    You've got this..

    All the best!
     
  3. pacificocean

    pacificocean Fapstronaut

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    Thank You @Wellnvm123. I appreciate that. Just knowing I am not alone on the journey helps. My personal challenge is 7 days. I am optimistic. After that....Another 7.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you crate a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
     
  5. pacificocean

    pacificocean Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the suggestions and encouragement. I am interested and will check it out. Thank You.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. DfarmC

    DfarmC Fapstronaut

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    You are not alone. I'm 48 years old. This is also my first - ever - posting to any forum. I've struggled with porn since I was 12 years old. It's a beast of an addiction. but, I am committed to being a part of this community and fighting the good fight until this beast dies.

    I've fought against guilt, shame, sadness, loneliness, etc. and am just beginning get a handle on my interior life. If I can face down this beast, so can you. Thank you for coming on board and being part of the community!
     
    pacificocean likes this.
  7. pacificocean

    pacificocean Fapstronaut

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    Thank You. Your reply gave me a dose of confidence. I think I got a 5
     

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