Looking for advice

Hi
I am going to explain what I feel
This is stressing me so I would like to share this and look for advice

So I am 19 years old, I started fapping a watching porn at age of 10, and it became regular at lets say age 13/14. Then I also firstly hardly felt consequences of my addiction. I was socially bad, I had difficulties to form new relationships which was better just 2 years ago
Anyway, at age 18 I discobered NOFAP thing. I had an office job for few months but they didnt want me. It was too much of work I coukdnt handke that. I ha dproblems to form a normal relationship with coworkers, my social anxiety was big. But also, you know that feeling? When you dont feel that flow? That naturality? What to say, how to act? Or like your mind is overloaded but you
It was like, I was just learning how to perform a phone call there.
I was always afraid of my boss even if he tried to be kind. That was, anxiety was so big it interfered with proper speaking. And sometimes I couldnt logically form what I want to say so I had anxiety.

I had difficulties also in university, I m talked with some people but didnt form any relationship. Also on lectures I sometimes knew the answer but I didnt say anything. You know, underachieving.
People in my grouo.
damn those other people need to know each other before or something. How they do that that they all know each other and talk and I struggle all the time.
And also, those problems with proper speaking. Not always but ib conversations I caught myself speaking not so much with sense. Does porn really cause such problem with soeaking ,?

I fear, that I have too low social skills and even nofap wont help me because I am too mucb inadequaet than others. When others were gaining life experience I was gaining porn exoerience. And I fear that I lost something, that I always going to be socially behind than others.... i know these advice, go out talk to people you will get better blabkabla
but I think its something with low dopamine level, I dont have these natural you know behaviours. For example, I can sit around people for 2 hours and not say anything and avoid them. When I know what to say, how to act then I can do it even if I feel anxiety. Problem is when I have no clue and can survive situation by not talking to others. You know its not typivak shynness, shy persons generally know how to act but just anxiety hold them. And generally they have some frieds.

I thought maybe when I fully recover I will have healthy brain and somehow become normal ?
It is really bad sometimes, I have mixture of anxiety, stress, depression. Sometimes I am afraid that I cant form what I want to say
Well after that job I also worry because I dont knkw what to do. Because I dont want to get a job now but later. I worry I again wont be able to handle that.
And I feel like other people in my age do more than me. Like I am underachieving...
Lets make a short list:
I experience:
-Difficulties with relationships
-This weird thing thay I cant sometimes form a logic speech, you know when I want to say something to someone or when I am in conversation and talking about something
-I have anxiety, social anxiety
-no friends, only girlfriend
-feelings of going into no direction
-This thing that I am not active around people, I am not natural
-Depression from time to time
Daily I am stting in home reading books and occassionally going for a run or gym, or meeting my gf :/


Are those really just effects of addiction?