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Looking at other girls

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Mauser, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. Mauser

    Mauser Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,
    long story short: I'm doing Nofap because of several reasons. I have a GF and we have a wonderful relationship. I really love her and she's a huge part of the reason why i started Nofap. The thing is, since I do not get off to Porn on a daily basis, I started to look at other girls than her more often. I mean this happens during very regular situations such as buying stuff at the grocery store. Whenever an attractive woman walks past me I kinda instantly think about having sex with her. This didn't really happen back those days I fapped every day. I feel bad about this because I love my GF and I dont want these thoughts in my head. Its not only the thoughts, its also a heavy urge to flirt to other girls or even having sex with them. I've never had this before and its creeping me out. Sometimes I feel like a F*cking sex offender or a pervert because I instantly think about sex every time there is a beautiful woman in the same room as me....

    Did anyone experience the same thing or does anyone have advice for me?
    Thank you very much guys ;)
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  2. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    This happened with my husband for a few months . You are actually SEEING women now . Including your GF . You will start seeing her for who she is too .
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  3. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I do :) I've been keeping a list of useful threads about this here, you'll find lots of good insight, advice, and techniques.
     
  4. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    My SO does this EVERY time we leave the house and is very blatant about it. He coughs reflexively whenever he sees something that turns him on, whether it be a photo on FB or a girl at the grocery store. It's always one distinct cough lol.
    I absolutely hate leaving the house with him anymore. Every time I hear him cough like that and look over he's staring at some young girl like a friggin pedo. Literally makes me sick.
     
  5. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I've read a lot of your posts. It does not seem like your boyfriend is interested in recovery and instead is very active in his addiction. You have some hard choices to make.
     
  6. Mauser

    Mauser Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for the links! This is very helpful!
     
  7. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    When you were pmo-ing, you compartmentalised those urges and behaviours, so they may not have spilled out into your everyday life when with your GF or in public. But you did take those thoughts a lot further when PMOing. You didn't just notice other women or imagine havig sex with them, you sought them out, dwelt on those fantasies, allowed yourself to becaome erect, then browsed through many depictions of many women in order to achiever orgasm.

    Now that your brain is not being allowed to indulge in such fantasies and get those dopamine binges, the same thought patterns and seekir behaviours spill out into situations away from your computer or other devices. This can feel shameful, as you are with your partner and want to focus on her. But at least now you are not actively indulging in your own sexual stimulation while fantasising about other women: remember, you used to do that ALL THE TIME. You are in an awkward stage of recovery now where you have to confront the distressing reality that a part of you is attracted to other women and wants to have sex with them. When your PMO behaviours were compartmentalised it was easier to lie to yourself about this. You just used porn out of habit or convenience. No. The appeal of other women was part of the appeal of porn. It is right to feel shamed about that reality. To be a better partner you need to transcend that aspect of your biology. Your relationship is stronger if you do not spend time in sexual worship of women you do not have. Value and worship the woman you are with. Honour her with your devotion and monogomy.

    The good news is that this ogling lessens over time. You will always notice attractive women, but with longer and longer away from P, your thoughts will be less pornographic. Less urgent. Less likely to trigger you to relapse. You will stop seeing the world as a plethora of potential sexual stimulation, and start to see the women as people, who just happen to be attractive. There is no reason why the existence of attractive women should result in you masturbating to them.

    It is good that you noticed this new tendency in yourself. Accept it. Don't dwell on it. Move past it. Most importantly, don't relapse.
     
    LindaMoon, de severn, Mauser and 2 others like this.

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