[LONG] Second try at life

Hey everyone,
I created my account last monday but i learned about nofap a while ago but i thought it was just a stupid challenge on 9gag (don't worry, I don't browse 9gag anymore)

I am 17 and finished my third day of nofap as i write.

Beware, long story ahead. (there's a tldr at the end)

From 6 to 12 years old, i was co leader of a group of friends. I used to have quite a bit of fruends and we would have a lot of fun together. I also remember having a primary school girlfriend but not many female friends, which is normal at this age i reckon.

It all changed when i went to an astronaut camp and a friend i made there showed me some P. Back at home, i would first MO to hot ads in cars magazine(i know, it's low) then to online P.

I PMOed more and more often and everyday the last two years.

Now, 4 years later, I am a shy guy and i believed for a long time that i was just an introvert, smarter than everyone, born in the wrong generation, etc... I therefore never had a real grilfriend and am a virgin. I don't have real friends who reach out to me and stuff

Last summer i went in Italy on holiday (i don't know how you call them, but basically about 30 children all go to the same hotel with a few adults and are a pain in the ass for all the other clients of that hotel) Anyway, my older brother was one of the animators so my parents forced me to go, which made me happy actually.

There i shared a room with a 13 y-old boy who i'm pretty sure MOed every morning while breathing heavily and waking me up. I found it actually disgusting and rude and decided not to masturbate for the ten days we would spend there.

As i said I am an asocial, introvert, shy guy or whatever so I didn't make friends there for the first five days. Still, I realised i was animated by some kind of energy after a few days. I was more outgoing, not much more tho. Also a girl started to talk to me and it took me a night of intense reflexion to understand that she liked me(unfortunately, there was no reciprocity) I actually liked an other girl who appeared to like me back. We spent the last day(my ninth without PMO) at a water park where i dared to go on a 40m high vertical slide and rode a buoy with that girl i liked.

I thought it was just the sun and finding out some girls did find me attractive (and a guy too maybe but im heterosexual so, yeah) that gave me that boost for these few days.

The first day I spent back in Belgium(yeah, forgot to say that's where i live) I was disappointed at myself because i never dared to ask the girl out. My brother and his gf took me out to eat some burgers and i was cheered up to know i actually knew how to interact with people.

The next day i had a wet dream where i slept in the hotel room with this girl and other people from the holiday and she'd kiss me as soon as the lights were turned off then leave while gently laughing. I woke up instantly with an erection but decided to ignore it out of respect for that girl.

The next day i turned 17 and decided to change my life because of how good these days felt. I had not MOed again yet and asked a mutual aquaintance to give her my numberif she was interested.

I received a simple 'hi' at 1402 the same day. So i started to tell her how i felt about her, etc...
An unknown number (her sister) told me she was actually twelve and that ishould feel bad about it. Which i did, even tough i had no idea. We never met, nor talked since that day

So that left me with a deep hatred for myself. I spent august M-ing and playing videogames.

I started feeling bad just like before, and didn't change anything in my life in the end.

TL;DR
I had to stop PMO during the holiday and i felt really great and outgoing. Disappointing love story in the end so back to shitty me.

I now realise this summer boost might have been from the absence of PMO and i am willing to stop it definitively to be a better myself.

I therefore started a nofap run, the sixth of november 2017, birthdate of a girl i miserably asked out two years ago.

My goals are currently :
- to completly stop all three P, M and O forever,
- be better at talking with people
- have real friends
- train to be a firefighter
- be better at drumming
- gf is actually the ultimate goal (but don't tell anyone)
- ...
I intend to be really hard on myself about my training because i feel like it's the best way.
I intend to cut one of my fingers everytime i relapse (jk)

If you managed to reach the end, well done.

I wish everybody around here and myself to reach our goals and really get rid of that really bad habit.

Any advice is welcome, i really am a newbie ^^

 

Thanks, i will check these out