Lonely cat

so sorry for you loneliness. Keeping you in my hopes.

 

Ugh, really sorry to hear you're having a rough time. When you say that you can't talk to him, what do you mean? Do you mean you have difficulty approaching him about certain intimate things, or do you mean he won't listen, or both? I've been there before in a relationship where I overlooked a lot. In my case it was because the physical attraction was really intense and the sexual chemistry was insane. It felt like an addiction in the sense that I didn't feel capable of ending it, because where else would I be able to find that level of raw sexual compatibility? Eventually I found out she had been lying to me about a number of things, including seeing an ex. I was already so frustrated by our relationship that I was able to calmly and firmly tell her I knew about her fucking around, and that I wasn't going to ever see her or speak to her again, and I meant it 100%. We were not living together at the time, so obviously that made things much easier for me.

You say you are broken. Did he break you? Or did you come into the relationship already broken?

 

“To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person's opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.”
― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart

Be Strong My Friend

 

I’m not a relationship expert, but maybe you should put some distance between you and him (like the vacation you mentioned), just to figure out what you need from this relationship. When you get back and muster the courage, tell him about what you need. In order for you to have a fulfilling relationship with this person, it is important that you get your needs met first and foremost. If you don’t stand up for these needs people will use/abuse you in order to meet their own.

You owe it to yourself to be happy and you are deserving of love. It’s time to stand up for yourself

 

I agree with the post above. You are going to have to be brave and stand up for yourself. You feel broken and that makes it hard to remember that you are the one in control of yourself - your happiness, your body, who you love, etc..
You have chosen and continue to choose this person. It is not a choice you are forced to continue. You are not actually broken, not worthless, not unloveable, not a victim if you choose not to be.
There's a lot of things that can happen to someone that leave them feeling the way that you do. I won't speculate. Just know that you are not beyond repair, ever. I believe in you!

 

You are in a terrible situation. No one should have to feel that way. It is tough, but it is time to put yourself first and lay things on the line to him. You stated that you are broken. You can pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. It won't be easy and may even be the hardest thing you have ever done. Since you are on this site, I am guessing that he is addicted to porn and stuff. You need to set some limits and unfortunately, if needed and changes are made, then you need to leave and run as fast as you can. I don't know the whole situation you are in, but need to do what is best for you. I hope this helps. Stay strong!