Amazing. You have a beautiful story @Liina . The nice part is seeing how it's still unfolding, not over, not predetermined. Your voice in the journal is so honest, so vulnerable. I felt I was able to look at your tragedy through your eyes, and as a man reading this it made me feel trapped---which is the most aggravating feeling... Your pain is tragic, lots of trauma , wow, I was so saddened to read-- episodes of rape, absent father, abused mother, you could have given into despair. Keep writing and posting. I am impressed, you are the first woman I know on here that is neither an addict or the SO of one (unless I missed that detail?). You are the first person I've read in NoFap whose story demonstrates that forgiveness leads to healing! Escape from trauma is impossible without forgiveness, but our pride gets in the way. Reading your story it revealed to me, I have seen the symptoms of betrayal trauma in others, but not until reading your story did I connect that the solution for their trauma AND mine---is forgiveness. You describe it almost fleetingly but that lesson is powerful. Thank you for your voice.