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Loneliness is the reason for my relapse mostly everytime

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Scorpio1995, Apr 12, 2018.

  1. Scorpio1995

    Scorpio1995 Fapstronaut

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    Porn is a way for me to feel falsely connected to someone. I am single, and in the past I have misused sex as a way to feel connected with someone. Now that I'm not in a relationship, porn and masturbation is the way I deal with my feelings of loneliness. I don't want to use porn for this reason anymore. I want to grow up and find a connection with another human being that isn't based solely on sex. Any advice out there??
     
  2. Hikmat yar

    Hikmat yar Fapstronaut

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    Your strong willpower will help you
     
  3. snickerdoodle7

    snickerdoodle7 Fapstronaut

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    There is no advice anyone can give you. Find it within yourself to rid your body of weakness. Discipline and willpower will allow you to break free. Use the sexual energy to build yourself and ascend.
     
    NoBrainer and j_pwc_bat like this.
  4. Lonewolfpt

    Lonewolfpt Fapstronaut

    Hey man. If you want to talk feel free to PM me.
     
  5. oneaffidavit

    oneaffidavit Fapstronaut

    Let me share something I experienced just 2 days back. I was also on same boat as you.

    So, couple of days back, I went for walking at night within the apartment walls (its big space). I had negative thoughts like "it is too late, why go at this time? people may looks at me weird way".

    I finally put on my shoes and went outside and started walking. I brought my earphones and phone to listen to music. Believe it or not, I met 4 people who were too busy and walking at night as they find no time. They introduced themselves and we started talking. I did not ue my earphones even for a minute. Without realizing it was more than 60 minutes. It didn't feel like an hour at all.

    Just in few hours, I met 4 new people without even realizing. That's how you meet people OP. Go outside and try.

    If you sit at home, you are never going to meet anyone OP. Take a gym membership or club membership or go to community places where you can meet plenty of people. You can even go to place of worship to pray to god and meet people there. You can go to a nice library to read books to make yourself busy. You can also participate in various events taking place around the city.
     
    HipPete and j_pwc_bat like this.
  6. Creation_of_life

    Creation_of_life Fapstronaut

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    Loneliness is a part of the recovery process, your brain will try everything so you PMO again. Then again loneliness can also be the cause for getting addicted to PMO. Loneliness however is a thought, there have been times you were alone, but not felt loneliness. The need to feel a connection with another person is healthy, if you force it through S, it ain't, work on a mental connection first before you go into S. Although work on yourself first and your loneliness. Cause that other person can't cure your loneliness. Find a purpose, meditate for that, be busy, working on parts you want to improve, if you are busy, you have less time to think you feel loneliness, which will make you feel better in those moments.
     
  7. j_pwc_bat

    j_pwc_bat Fapstronaut

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    8 days is very good -- your 1st week!

    Great and honest question by OP -- by the way, OP is a Female.


    I hear you. Looks like good advice so far: get out and mingle....... gym........ church....... groups
    with similar hobbies you enjoy. Remembering to 'assist' that decision based on your personality (people person, laid back, thinker-quiet, emotional), schedule, etc.
    Since you are a woman, talking to your girlfriends, and other women you
    like for hours during the day is very normal, venting and relational.
    Also Free Dating websites in your country.
    How would you advise your best friend?

    Life is a challenge -- one day at a time.


    Free tips for Success:

    1. You literally don't have to watch porn ever again. (self.NoFap)
    submitted 2 years ago by
    BazookaMorpheus88 Days

    2. When PMO is not even an option (self.NoFap)
    submitted 3 years ago * by
    Kestral 233 days
    https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2dw0al/when_pmo_is_not_even_an_option/

    3. Google: "The pain of self-discipline [4] is far less than the pain of regret [8]" ..... Find an image you like......... and save it onto your computer or phone. (Ex: Go outside and get some fresh air. Temptations usually last only 10-20 minutes.)

    4. Daily or Weekly Rewards -- treats or dessert (for good behavior); or buy something related to a hobby you really enjoy; listen to your favorite songs, etc.

    5. Some guy on line had this great advice: " Never touch your dick……[or female parts for women]."
    Tip……. when showering use a wash cloth


    6. Humor ....... Google: "Glad you could join me Mr. Bond". Funny, somewhat possessed toddler............... Anyone know the Villain the toddler is supposed to represent?

    7. Click on the NoFap "Emergency" button and find an image you like. Keep the image in an open window on your computer or phone (positive influence on your mind….. and behavior): http://i.imgur.com/bbWSvJx.jpg

    BONUS I -- Fasting can help you have more self control; and has many health benefits. You can skip meals; or entire days -- your choice. If you skip breakfast, you can use GREEN TEA (WITH CAFFEINE) as a low cost, mild, healthy stimulant that gives you energy.

    BONUS II -- Go to NoFap.com…………….. Encourage or give others Advice [gets the focus off of ourselves and on onto others]. Works very Good.

    Good luck
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
  8. Burntcoldblue

    Burntcoldblue Fapstronaut

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    I think that just connecting with people in general is a good way. It always helps to talk and to ask questions etc. I myself am alone and at times it's difficult especially at night. But I always try to preoccupy my time doing things first as well as talking with people either on the web or in person or texting. You just need to get out or start online connecting.
     
  9. Scorpio1995

    Scorpio1995 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for everyone's advice. I'm trying my best to realize that PMO just ends up making me feel emptier than before. Yes, I know that I just need to put myself out there and meet new people and make connections with people. Its just very difficult because I am a full time college student, so I have very little free time. I know I shouldn't use that as an excuse, but I'm just very busy.But I've decided to do nofap because I need a change in my life. I don't want to be wasting my life on this.
     
  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If I said that my problem is that I eat Mcdonalds everytime I feel unhealthy, but I really want to start eating better and exercising, but I feel unhealthy right now so I keep eating Mcdonalds, what would you tell me to do?

    You would tell me to stop eating Mcdonalds, eat better, and exercise despite feeling unhealthy at the moment.

    Stop using porn to escape everytime you feel lonely and actually face the problem of being lonely by doing something about it.
     
    bluegreen15 likes this.
  11. zbeach

    zbeach New Fapstronaut

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    I feel the same way. I have been on the path to quitting for a few months - my longest streak was 50 days. I definitely can feel the effects when I have been off it- but I relapse after a spouts of depression and loneliness hit me. I totally know what you mean by finding a "piece of connection" within using PM. I accept that I have dark desires but I am understanding that merely is masking my abandonment issues. I have fought my personal war of loneliness all my life under the surface. No one knows, I hide the damage too well. It comes out in my vulnerability, however - and I find that I self sabotage the closeness I had chances to feel - then I'm back to my solo ways. This time, I'm determined to chase this darkness out!!!
     
    bluegreen15 likes this.
  12. Scorpio1995

    Scorpio1995 Fapstronaut

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    zbeach, you are not alone. I totally empathize with everything you just said. All my life has just been a struggle against loneliness. I understand the self sabotaging thing as well. Becoming a part of this community is really helping, knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. You got this!!! We can find strength in our willpower and in the goodness inside us.
     
  13. zbeach

    zbeach New Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes I fall into the undertow of feeling like I'll always be broken. Like my lens in which I view the world, is broken, therefore my perception of it all will always be distorted. For about six months I've been actively working out four times a week - 3 weight lifting days and 1 yoga day. I've seen my body transform which has built confidence, but I can't help but still feel like a void shell. I've gone on a lot of dates this year but I feel miles apart from those I sit just across the table from. I mask the pain so well, you'd never know I live with a broken heart everyday. It feels like a doublelife, I hope to connect with someone that can help me heal this pain but I know it is extremely unfair to ever unload that kind of pressure on someone. It's like a fantasy of being rescued, I long for it but how could I ever expect such a thing? This thinking lands me back here in my computer chair, knowing it is easier to take care of these biological needs through PM. The sick cycle loops again and again - your words have given me strength to not give me, Instead I'm going to try to go to bed early and sleep off tonight's haunting. I hope all is well in your world. Thx
     
  14. I feel for you! I'm pasting for you what I told another this evening. You will find your own revelation yourself:
    The first 9 days were hellacious! No motivation, slowly rocking in front of the computer while watching classic golf tournaments on YouTube as a porn substitute, Death Row depression, and anxiety...tons of fun! I was about to lose my mind because relapse was not an option. Then came upon me this revelation that I will now use as my statement above my avatar image for as long as I'm on this site, 'Only two things can replace the thrill of PMO: A loving relationship with someone and enlightenment. Anything else, forget it!' The notion being that PMO placed me on an elevated pseudo-enlightened fantasy land. Now I walk the earth, calmly getting by and flowing right along...90, 300, 1000 days without PMO, no problem. All the real people now to love and all the deeper levels of my being to explore...very nice!
    [​IMG]
    So you see, zbeach, with enough willpower, you can reach solutions. Right now, I'm investigating if binaural beats on YouTube that helps increase dopamine and serotonin, two principle pleasure-inducing factors in the brain, especially during PMO and sex, can deepen meditation in this delta and alpha Hz range. Take care.
     
    Scorpio1995 and Creation_of_life like this.
  15. Creation_of_life

    Creation_of_life Fapstronaut

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    Keep in mind that binaural beats ain't natural. What happens if you boost artificially your serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine and other neurotransmitters?

    I used to try binaural beats for hands free O. They are powerfull but I believe it messed up my brain even more. Neural pathways are very plastic and can change easily, just like PMO can change them. I believe binaural beats, which just as PMO gives you a dopamine spike can change your brain.

    I would always advice, to get dopamine a natural way, by anticipating, something nice you are going to do. So anticipate your next meditation, your next workout, your next hangout with friends. That will gives you a natural shot of dopamine. Bond with people to get oxytocin et cetera
     
  16. Nekkhamma

    Nekkhamma Fapstronaut

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    Awesome avatar! :emoji_call_me:
     
  17. Scorpio1995

    Scorpio1995 Fapstronaut

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    'Only two things can replace the thrill of PMO: A loving relationship with someone and enlightenment. Anything else, forget it!' Love it! There is no substitution for real love!!
     
    LEPAGE likes this.
  18. Thank you, Scorpio! I'm sure to retain that line as long as I am on this site. That notion came to me like a revelation after days of severe urges and withdrawal symptoms like I were on death row or something. Something had to give, and fast! Then I surrendered to the reality that any PMO substitution could never be as thrilling as being in the arms of a lover or in the state of spiritual enlightenment as defined in the classic yoga books. Both cases would make the hair stand on end! So what to do now? Well, nothing except to walk my life in peace with a lot of psychological barriers released from my revelation. Right now, I want to experiment with binaural beats to see if I can have profound deep relaxing meditations from the delta to the mid beta Hz range. It won't hurt to try! Take care.
     
    Scorpio1995 likes this.
  19. You need to learn to be happy by yourself. If you need others to make you happy then you'll always be at a disadvantage. Read a book. Exercise. Watch a movie or play a game. Just do something by yourself and tell yourself that you can be happy when you're completely alone. I guess I already have an advantage because I'm an introvert and need my alone time, but I don't like to be alone all the time. I've learned that even when I feel like I really wanna go out and socialize, I don't need to because I can be happy by myself. True happiness begins by being happy with yourself.
     

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