Living an imaginary life in my head

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by DRKK, Jul 18, 2018.

  1. DRKK

    DRKK Fapstronaut

    There’s this girl who I have a massive crush on, she’s literally the most perfect girl in the world to me. I went to school with her, but I have really bad anxiety and no self confidence, so I never spoke to her. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve left school now and there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about her, I think about her all day and night.... I even sort of stalk her on insta, cos I look at all the pics that she’s liking. And I’ve screen shotted pics of her and have them on my phone. Anyway here comes the weird part....
    I live like a fantasy life in my head where I’m in a perfect relationship with her, bare in mind I’ve never spoken to this girl, so I’ve made up how she talks and her personality and her family and the way her house looks in my imagination. But I spend a lot of time during the day, daydreaming about this life I have with her.... and at night I cuddle my pillow pretending it’s her. Am I normal. I’ve been living this fantasy life for years now and whenever I’m not doing anything that involves concentration, I’m dreaming about that life with her.
  2. DRKK

    DRKK Fapstronaut

    I’m actually getting really depressed and suicial over this, because she’s the only thing I want in life, and it kills me inside, thinking that I’m probably never gonna have her. My biggest regret in life is not talking to her.
  3. almar

    almar Fapstronaut

    Been there done that.... Even tried to suicide but thankfully something snapped at the right moment and I didn't. It's been over 1 year now that happened and while it still hurts but I'm getting better, taking things slow...
    Also try to be busy, like super busy. Work out, go out with friends, work on a hobby, get summer job etc etc...That way your mind will be occupied with other things and hopefully it'll help forget her( at least for the time being). It helped me that way. Maybe it'll help you too. And best of luck
    dogeatdog, Bhara and M.S.H. like this.
  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    How can you ever create something real when you spend all your time and energy escaping what's real?

    Maybe it feels good for you to fantasize about her, but eventually you have to snap back to the present reality where you become weaker to face reality every time you escape it.

    You're escaping how things really are and you're escaping real connections. Fantasizing is an expression of your insecurities. It's an escape from your problems (anxiety and lack of confidence). It's an escape from your fears (possible rejection and messing up). Each time you escape you weaken yourself. So it's only getting harder every time you choose the easy, certain, and instant gratification world of fantasy over facing the problems of reality.

    It's like you need to wash the dishes and you don't feel like doing it. So you fantasize about there being no dishes to clean. So the dirty dishes keep piling up. It gets harder and harder the more you escape the problem. The problem and reality gets bigger while you weaken yourself.

    Your fantasy world and your fantasy girl might feel great now, but it definitely won't 1 / 5 / 10 / 20 years from now when you can no longer fool yourself or avoid the pile of dirty dishes in your life.
  5. TravelingJourneyer

    TravelingJourneyer Fapstronaut

    I have been there. The woman who I felt this way about used to be my neighbor, and she is about 8 years older than me.

    I sent her a message on social media, started a conversation about some of her family issues, and told her we should meet up and talk in person, but she already knew everything I knew. So, I told her I would still like to get to know her. She didn't respond and I felt like I was coming off like a womanizer, so, I sent her another message confessing that I am attracted to her, and that was part of the reason why I contacted her.

    She called me sweet, and said that she would go out with me, if she wasn't already in a relationship.

    So, I really suggest just talking to her. Send her a message on social media, tell her who you are, and ask her how she has been these last few years. Talk to her a little bit, then ask her out. If she rejects you, then you have to move on. Rejection is very painful, and it hurt more than I thought it would. You need to decide if risking failure is worth trying to have a relationship with her, or if you are never going to try and have a relationship with her at all.

    That said, don't go to a place of self hatred or try to harm yourself if you are rejected. In my experience, it will hurt for a couple days or weeks, then the pain will start going away.

    Edited for better English.
    Bhara and M.S.H. like this.
  6. M.S.H.

    M.S.H. Fapstronaut

    The trouble in such a situation lies in the fact that during the passage of time, the girl has moved on with her life, while the boy is stuck in the same rut.

    You didn't confess it to her in the first place, what makes you think she will be ready for you later on?

    You must remember that she has changed and you can try meeting her in real life and maybe you wouldn't like her at all now! Because what you are loving is that ghost of hers of a few years ago and it is very possible that she is not going to be the same person you fell in love with years ago.

    So my advice is: TAKE ACTION!
    GO and meet her... Then THINK IT OVER... if you still want to then tell her what you feel!

    Either way it is better than living in relationships with ghosts of the past.

    Good Luck!
    Bad_hombre and Bhara like this.
  7. nef

    nef Fapstronaut

    watch the movie "secret life of walter mitty" perfect for your condition MAYBE what you are having is called maladaptive daydreaming try googling and youtube it will help a lot countering this habbit
    ewq and Target365 like this.
  8. Go to therapy for this. This is not normal and is not good for your mental health. I think you idealize her and put her on a pedestal because it's easy to do that from afar. I've done that to women before. I had actually flirted with her irl and we kind of had a thing but then she dropped me for someone else. It's very dangerous to start doing what I did. I had a bit of an imaginary relationship with her too until I snapped out of it and started pursuing real women and men again. Real people is your ultimate goal! It is not easy but it will help your self-esteem and mental health!
    tweeby likes this.
  9. fan_of_all_might

    fan_of_all_might Fapstronaut

    Bro, this one-itus is entirely fictional and based on not having any real people to fill this void. Go out and meet people. Seriously.

    Go out, be interested in others and have boundaries. You will make friends, male and female. And soon this fantasy girl will probaly evaporate. Or at worst you will have a more self confident and respecting frame to approach her from. But I swear to you, there are SO many girls I've built up in my head that were hard to get, and now they look like nothing more than an average girl now that the fantasy of what could be has faded.

    Please bro, GO OUT. Make guy friends first, make girlfriends. Honestly this is the only advice I think you need to hear other than you got to love yourself and act as such.
    dogeatdog, Goo, Bhara and 1 other person like this.
  10. david_green

    david_green Fapstronaut

    Hey dude, stay strong

    Google how to quit maladaptive day dreaming

    I don’t mean to be preachy but I suffer from what you do and stoicism literally saved my life from suicide

    I highly recommend
    The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius.
    The manual of Epictetus.
  11. Goo

    Goo Fapstronaut

    Yea I've done this before lol.
    It's normal but if u want her then talk to her, else it'll be a fantasy, when you could actually be with this girl, touching her, kissing her, etc.
  12. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

    Hey DRKK. Many of us have had that kind of fantasy when we were your age. I once felt the same way for one of my sister's friends who I had a massive crush on in my teenage years. I fantasized she would be my wife and the mother of my kids. I had lots of fantasies of us making love and having hot passionate sex. As years gone by, I dated someone else, but when we broke it off I met her years later. This girl who was my dream girl, my angel, my fantasy, was not so sweet and got on my nerves . Twenty years later, I visited her facebook page, she was still whinny , stubborn, ego inflated,etc. Now I'm saying to myself how foolish I was daydreaming about someone who really did not exist for so many years.

    now DRKK, this girl might be a sweet girl,but you have to remember that there are millions of wonderful girls that you can date in real life. And there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. When I look at the girl I fantasize when I was 17 years old, I know now she would have my life a living hell . Therefore it is okay you dreamed about her past, but you cannot linger in such a fantasy world
  13. Jorics

    Jorics Fapstronaut

    You are me four years ago, i was in the same situation. Dude you need to stop the daydreams and fantasy, you have oneitis, the more time you spend doing that shit the more suffering u will get. Just accept reality even if it's depressing and sad, if better for you, i was trapped in that situation for almost two years. (sorry for my bad english)
  14. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

    Move on with your life and forget this girl you didn't fall in love with the real person you are enamored of a fantasy. Lonely men tend to develop these types of issues. Probably it's maladaptive daydreaming.
  15. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut

    If your biggest regret is not talking to her, work on being able to talk to her.

    But, if that doesn’t seem to happen its because you don’t want it. Now I suggest you look at where your feelings are really from. Like some mentioned in this thread, these feelings usually come in because you’re ignoring something. You’re not creating a fantasy because you’re in love with her but creating fantasy to escape from your feelings about something else.

    Depression and suicidal thoughts come in when you’ve distanced yourself from who you really are. The stronger you make the fantasy the further away you are from reality whatever it is you’re ignoring, the more empty and dissociated you get.

    I advise to start writing when and where these feelings start happening to observe yourself. Then you might find what youre ignoring and what you care about.
  16. DRKK

    DRKK Fapstronaut

    I’m still doing it everyday... I can’t help myself
  17. DRKK I have only been on nofap for 20 minutes and I am already relating to so many people. Especially you. I had a crush on a girl for years and in those years I imagined a perfect life with her. I imagined being able to share my problems with her and hear her say the problems I imagined she would have. With this imagination, I showed her the most beatiful spots in the neighbourhood, the best places to eat out etc. Eventually, I had dreams about her so the fantasies continued into my sleep. Eventually, it got to the point that an imagination was taking over my life. I put so much thought into thinking about her that I had no space left over for real life. Right now, I want you to look away from your computer screen and think of anything except a white bear for a full 20 seconds. Do not think of it. You thought of it didn't you? That was basically the result when I told myself not to think of her. Eventually, I decided to call her and tell her about the crush. I didn't mention the fantasies because that would be too creepy. I was not surprised when the rejection came, but a stab still hurts even if you know its coming. It was after the time it took for it to sink in that I realised how much of a fantastic waste all the years of fantasizing was. It sent me into a spiral of bad feelings and habits and this is why I am on NoFap right now. I advise you just to tell her and expect her to reject you. If there is any chance at all, whether it be school reunions or mutual friends, find a way to tell her and get rejected. Any time you begin to fantasize will be cut off by saying the words "I know the truth and this is not it". Its ok to cry. I've done it. But here I am on NoFap seeking advice and help. I hope in some way, this may help you. Good luck DRKK
    DRKK likes this.
  18. Target365

    Target365 Fapstronaut

    I have been there bro but don't give up, life has so much to offer. Get out of your comfort zone. Do so something adventurous or thrilling like bungee jumping, sky diving, trekking, paragliding, and the best one is spend one night in camp out there in a jungle alone, your survival instinct will take over those thoughts and you will clear your head and can think clearly and you will realise that life is out there in world man not in your head. Wish you all the best in your life.
  19. Becoming Jasmine

    Becoming Jasmine Fapstronaut

    I relate to this soooo much.

    I spent almost my entire 9th and 10th grades fantasizing about a girl who is the most physically attractive person I’ve ever known.

    She hates me, and I know I’ll never be with her, and that’s probably a good thing, but man does it hurt.

    Just please don’t lose yourself. She isn’t worth that. No one is.
    newhopeinlife likes this.
  20. ewq

    ewq Fapstronaut

    So imagine this. Your hand is infected and is rotting away (gangrene for example). You know that sooner or later the disease will reach your lungs, heart, brain etc. and you will die. So you have to take action as soon as possible to save as much as your body as possible. So you must grab an axe and cut off your hand. Sure it will hurt at the beginning but you do know that this is the only possibility. Here is a bit of advice:
    • unfollow and block her on instagram (don't worry she won't get a notification)
    • go out and socialize as the other kind fapstronauts have suggested
    • keep yourself busy with hobbies and/or work
    • if she still invades your mind, try to remember that in no way she is perfect. There are no perfect people and she is not the reason for you to exist.
    It won't be easy but you must act NOW and act decisively.
    Becoming Jasmine likes this.

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