Little Rant

Yeow. That's a ton of pain. Has something happened to make your mind race tonight?

"Reality" is sometimes not as concrete as it seems, and certainly, reality changes over time. Hang on, little brother. Beathe deeply, and let this pain pass over you and through you, but try not to indulge it. It's "real," of course, but it doesn't have to be the only "reality" you're part of.

If we allow ourselves to sink more and more deeply into that pain, it becomes just as much an addiction as any other. In a sense, we use all that pain to distract us from the root of the pain, and we find it harder and harder to look beyond it to its source.

Try to find some bit of goodness in today, and hold on to it for just a little while.

 

And are you considering harming yourself?

 

I agree, that is a lot of pain.

I don't think you are a mistake. I don't think anyone is a mistake. I felt a lot like you do at your age. I don't know about your home life but mine was rough. My parents constantly fought. They divorced. They still fought. I naturally felt unloved and even unlovable. I went to college. It didn't get better because I was still basically a child. I was still stuck in that miserable family dynamic.

I had periods in college where I felt really down. This is a tough time in life for anyone. All I can say is I got past it. I got a job and was able to make it on my own. This helped me a lot. I didn't feel dependent on a undependable family anymore.

I don't want to minimize your pain but it can get better.

 

At 156 days, are you sure you ain't flatlining? You say you are all by yourself. Welcome to 2017. What do you think cell phones, snapchat, social media in general, youtube are for? Me, me, and me. Look at me vlog, look at me do this. It's probably designed that way for population control. The disconnection of people.

That said you aren't entirely alone though, you can reach out. It just takes effort.

 

Bruh..don't be a bitch ass nigga man. It's probably flatline, I am going for a brewski, and when I am back I expect you to be back to normal. Or I will smack the taste out your mouth.

 

It sounds like you are an existential nihilist, or at least are suffering from such an outlook. That is a very bleak worldview. I also think it is wrong.

We aren't biological robots. Robots can't make themselves believe something. Robots can't have illusions because they don't have consciousness. Robots are following a program and lack awareness.

Suffering is real and unpleasant. But just as there is suffering there is contentment, joy, beauty, happiness. If you see or experience suffering and see it as nothing more than that then life would be difficult. But it is at least possible that suffering can lead to something greater. This might not be immediate or even obvious but it has to be a possibility. I actually think we see this a lot. Just one example, if you are training your body you'll experience suffering. But from this suffering comes greater strength and endurance.

I can say in my own life some of my own struggles have made me a better person. That doesn't take away the unpleasantness of the suffering. But looking back on it I see that it isn't for nothing.

 

What does make you so angry?

 

why are u angry sometimes?

 

Ey man i dont know you. I just asking to help. You have thosebad feelings. But you can be as cynic as you would like to be. I am here to help you.
But my feeling is that you have accomplished more than 150 days onnofap and still waiting on the changes you aspected. Tell me what do you want, tell what making you so angry.

 

There is also a certain amount of attention-seeking here. "I'm angry. I say things that worry you. I won't tell you any more, so that you'll continue to ask me what's wrong."

There isn't any way to make that situation better, but to let him be in his cloud until he's ready to come into the community. But we're still here for him. We just shouldn't play the game on his terms.