Listen UP Dear Partners of Addicts

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by GhostWriter, Dec 13, 2018.

  1. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    Because this is important...

    Yesterday, on behalf of a dear friend who shall remain nameless, I did some research for her on various places her addicted Partner ventured into. I forewarn you, as addicts, we've ALL ventured into cyberspace that reveals some very fucked up shit. I mean seriously fucked up. And here are some examples (and it doesn't begin to touch the surface).


    • Femdom Cuckold (watching your spouse engage in sex, and even participating at a bisexual level
    • Girls engaging in Ass-to-Mouth sex where the man withdraws his penis from her anus and immediately sticks it into her mouth (sometimes with feces on it)
    • Anal Prolapse where someone, male or female, pushes their anal cavity out externally exposing what is commonly referred to as the "rose" and engaging in orally stimulating it
    • Blowjobs to a horse/pony and/or engaging in intercourse with a dog
    • Scat where both men and women engage in sexual activity such that feces is spread about one participant or another or both, including their mouth
    • Deep colon penetration fishing long objects, sometimes as long as your arm, up into the anal cavity, and beyond into the lower and traverse colons.
    • Extreme fisting, both vaginal and anal, sometimes up to the elbow or shoulders, in an attempt to have the femdom recipient attain a massive dopamine driven orgasm
    • Being urinated on and drinking urine
    • Enema "punishment" as they call it where the rectum is filled with fluid and subsequently expelled after the recipient cannot withhold any more fluid
    • Eating food such as cereal and milk out of another one's gaping anus
    • Transexuals engaging in sexual liaisons with both Men and Women
    • Bukake (aka Bukkake) where women have multiple men ejaculate all over them
    • Child Sexual Abuse Imagery (aka Child Pornography) where prepubescent children engaged in any manner of sexual exploitation by other prepubescent children or adults.

    If you ventured into the EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING above, you'll see that what I am talking about is some pretty radical shit. And the reason I use the term "radical" instead of "disgusting", is this is some extremely embarrassing, guilt ridden, shaming activities your Partner has engaged in. I have known men who admitted to these activities and more, and while doing so, cried uncontrollably, literally shaken to the very core, beating themselves up and asking "why was I even interested in going there? WTF is wrong with me?

    Here's what you need to know about it. If you want to see the depth at which this stuff affects the addict. You needn't shame them for doing it. Trust me, they have enough of that to last a lifetime. It has very deadly consequences. I repeat, it has very deadly consequences. The addict's "Rock Bottom" is when he/she realizes there is nowhere to go but UP. When they are caught with these types of behaviors, panic sets in because even UP isn't an option from their perspective anymore. The part of their brain that engages this predicament is the fight, flight, or freeze part of the mid brain or lizard brain as it were. If you are very fortunate, he'll freeze. Fight usually comes in the form of extreme Gaslighting and can even evolve into much worse verbal and physical violence depending on the state of mind. Flight usually comes in the form of disappearing to such a state where it becomes virtually impossible to reach them, let alone help them.

    If you want to see the depths of despair, one need not look any further than the "Problematic Sexual Behaviors" Forum. I try to help these people as much as possible because I have witnessed first hand the painful trauma these people have endured. It is a very troubling place for these people to be, and it is a most difficult path, much more than simple pornography would reveal, to get beyond.

    Also, you need to understand that just because they looked at this material, doesn't necessarily mean they will engage in any of it, and most likely won't. It's their addictive brain taking them to places they would never otherwise ordinarily go. As an example, if you ever watched one of the ISIS beheadings that occurred in the past decade, it doesn't mean you have a propensity to either continue watching them or engage in any of them. I know one man who was preoccupied with watching traumatic videos of people suffering from catastrophic events (i.e. a leg blown off by an IED for example). He didn't know why he kept being attracted to those videos. He just did. It also didn't mean that he was going to go out and participate in any of it. So before you go down this path "OMG, my Partner looked at...", just remember, most people ventured down some path they aren't proud of and have watched something at one time or another, and never had any interest in acting on it. Just remember, watching material of this nature is less about an interest in the sexual activity they are watching, but the perceived necessity of getting the dopamine they so crave. If it was watching kittens play that resulted in them getting that dopamine fix, I assure you, they'd be watching kittens play instead.

    The addict is the one that has to accept their condition and own it. Until they do, there isn't anything you can do to help them. Do understand however, you needn't do anything to them because anything you do cannot possibly be any worse than what they have already done or are doing to themselves. No, you don't coddle them. You don't enable them. You don't get mean and nasty and ugly toward them. They're sick, remember? Freeze is a good state for them to be in so that they can absorb and reflect on the ramifications of their behaviors and actions. If/when they are ready to confront it, they will.

    Anyway, all comments are most welcome. I would appreciate it if you limited your feedback to positive actions/reactions. These people need help. Not ridicule. Not judgment. Help!
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2018
  2. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

    I’m taken back. Some of it didn’t surprise me. Much of it definitely did. I’m not sure what productivity can come from bringing that into the light. Are there any particular questions you have? You are often generous providing valuable feedback to my plights and I would like to do the same to this post, but I’m a bit at a loss for what direction to go.
    Trappist and kropo82 like this.
  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    These are just different things that I have compiled working with people. The entire point surrounds the fact that when you go searching for just what your Partner has been looking at, you may find some pretty radical stuff like in the Spoiler Alert. I wanted to drive the point home that just because they watched this material does not necessarily mean they are predisposed to continue watching it or engage in it. Yeah, some that stuff is pretty tough to swallow. I decided to do this thread because there are often times these things are found and the Partner is so shocked by it all, they have a lot of trouble processing it. Know it is a reflection of their addiction. Not them.
    Trappist and Jennica like this.
  4. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    Any kind of child porn is a 100% deal breaker for me. There would be no questions. That's not a chance I'm willing to take with my children or anyone else's. There is no treating that with kid gloves.

    ...not to mention the legal ramifications...
  5. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

    That was me, I went looking and felt so naive about his usuage, (I knew crazy shit was out there but never seen it with my own eyes, never had a desire or need to before).
    I wanted to know what I was dealing with and at the time he was so secretive about it so I educated myself by research and that meant looking through sites. I wanted to ask the right questions to him and know what things were called or referred to. I needed to get an understanding. I can’t however unsee or unlearn any of that so that kinda sucks for me. Ya, I’m completely fearful for kids now a days because of it. All the crazy shit I learned trying to investigate. I know it what I know now and that’s ok in the long run but there is that part of me that feels I didn’t need to learn it for me, I was fine without it, I could have happily never seen any of it with my own eyes.
    I probably shouldn’t have went looking. I do sometimes miss my not knowing. If you know what I mean.

    Like you say GW, you don’t know what you don’t want to know until you know it. Or in this case unsee it.
    I would have rather had someone that could explain it with out my feeling I need to find it myself.
  6. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

    I would have to agree with this one.
  7. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    A history professor noted that Catherine the Great was killed when her favorite horse fell on her somehow; not while she was riding...

    I’d seen and heard of some of these.

    It seems part of the choices in our human path known since from Roman records. Some paths are better not followed.

    High speed internet boosts all this.

    Maybe religious discussions have a point to try to not even entertain discussions of these, but for curiosity. Don’t know.

    Learning of something
    serves to gives ideas.
    I learned of Roman Vomitoriums,
    which later informed
    my food disorder as a kid.

    Adam and Eve ate from the tree of “Knowlege”, these images and thoughts are some of those fruits?

    Kids have so much more
    of this to run across, than I;
    From what I heard from youthful sponsees in their 20’s...
    Sad to ask of the result.
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2018

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