liona's journey

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by liona, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. rebooter920

    rebooter920 Fapstronaut

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    my pleasure if information is helpful. but you have to understand this forum is for pmo addiction not for personal problems, this activities just disturbed our lifestyle, gor your personal problems again i say connect with your relatives or parents because we have just idea about your situation, you feel better when you really connected with them
    bye bye
     
  2. It's her journal, she can reflect on any & everything in her life.. No need to advise on what to do & what not.. We can just support her & give some words of encouragement on her journey :)

    Cheers & good luck..
     
  3. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Thank you :emoji_heart:

    Beating PMO is more than just talking about this exact problem. I think it's like this for many people. If I have some kind of problem in any area, it effects me and my risk for falling back into my bad habits increases. People always tell me how it is important to journal. Some days I just don't have things to say about my urges. I'm grateful for this, surely, but I'm also not a person to just write "Check in for day whatever", even if this is also okay. I need to speak a little bit about what's going on, even if it doesn't seem to be totally related to porn. In the end everything is connected to my addiction. This is something many people realize for themselves.
     
  4. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Day 35

    I'm finally back to doing some Yoga! Feeling a little bit more stable. I'm amazed to see the days go by and the urges don't really come up these days. I'm careful though. There are always websites or media that can surprise me with some images, but even then. Normally many things would arouse me, I feel like this isn't just the case right now. Still not sure if this is some kind of flatline, I don't think so because I do feel some attractions and I sometimes think about having sex. But not in a needy way like it used to be before. My girlfriend is still sleeping on the floor because of her leg, maybe it's helpful to have some distance from sex right now.
    I'm not that motivated to be productive again though. Those sick-days eat away my positive energy, I have to get up slowly again, this is always very hard for me. Patience... I'll be driving home for Christmas and to watch after my grandmother on Sunday. I'm curious to see how a different location will affect me.
     
  5. This is so true.. I always say, PMO is just the superficial problem.. The underlying problems that we're running from for years & taking solace in PMO need to be resolved in a healthy way !

    Don't mention it, I'm just supporting my friend here.. We're all from different parts of the world but our struggles are quite similar & helping each other will take us towards our collective goal of freedom ! That's why I like this community !! Cheers :)
     
    Elias Smith and liona like this.
  6. rebooter920

    rebooter920 Fapstronaut

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    i don't know what you want to express. but if something is wrong then "sorry". what actually i want. to express it instead of posting your problem on a two dimensional screen it provide more calmness to you tell your problem to a three dimensional faces
    just go on who i am ??? for your journal, but remember try to improve yourself is better than try to prove, i know in ending everything is not connected to addiction, it's a myth. here you can find many guys who mr optimiser, if i hurt you then kick out me.

    i just want to say there is a difference between everything is connected to addiction or addiction itself get connected to everything. in my previous post i have just requested to connecting family is better

    (don't fall back ) because i have replied.
    i praying that you are well and inspired on your journey.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  7. I never tried to prove anything.. Just stated facts. Journalling helps to bring clarity. Helps to look at the problems from all sides.. Yeah it helps when we talk about our problems as well.. But it doesn't give you authority to say to her that you cant share your problems in your journal ! Yeah improving is what we do everyday & support others in their journeys instead of telling others not to post about their problems in their personal journal..

    Cheers & good luck mate! May God bless you & your family!
     
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  8. rebooter920

    rebooter920 Fapstronaut

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    i am not advicing her to what to do or not. i am asking you we have just idea about her problem, her family better know about her friends and relationships. another question why are you interfering
    i have just say it is better to share your pmo addiction in journal rather, we have more knowledge and idea about addiction. i have just requested re- read my previous reply to her, post ?? i don't know why you are saying authority, hey men i can't control anyone authority?? you are independent here even you and me. it seems that you have take more seriously than her, i request you re read my previous reply. i don't know why are you interfering.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
  9. You never hurt me mate.. Your wordings weren't correct here so I said its her journal..

    You can visit journals of others as well whether they've shared just PMO problems or anything else as well ! Its true, this forum is for PMO habits but its definitely linked with emotional numbing, anger, frustrations, stress, loneliness, repressed/supressed feelings & opening up about those helps to lighten the burden..

    Anyways, good luck on your journey mate!! I understand you have gone through so much, I just wish you well mate! Its just a misunderstanding of words that led to this..

    Its true that talking about our problems with parents/relatives helps in reducing the burden but after hiding this PMO habit for years, there's communication problems as in addicts find it hard to open up.. Give her some time & let her discover for herself whether she wants to be open about it or not in her real life! Otherwise its her wish to write it in her journal !

    Hope you achieve your dreams & be free from this PMO habit ! May God bless you & your family :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2018
  10. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Day 36

    I didn't do my exercise so far because I had an appointment today, but it was called off, so maybe I should consider going for a short run later.
    Today I felt my first urge wave for the first time since weeks. I'm a little bit giddy but also stressed, because it seems like I'm going to get married this summer. Originally we always talked about getting married eventually, but now we have a fixed date for the first official thing in February. But I also want some kind of party in the summer, so yeah. Things are happening pretty fast and I'm feeling overwhelmed. The wave passed for now but I still feel restless. I reacted out on some food again, although it was not as bad as what it's used to be. Still. I don't want to be dependent on either PM nor food to calm me down. I still have some Christmas presents to work on too. I don't really feel like doing those right now, but maybe I should just start on 1-2 paintings today, see how far I'll come.
    My primary urge is to just play video games for the whole day smh.
     
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  11. Elias Smith

    Elias Smith Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on your engagement! And on 35 days. Good stuff all around. These are positive changes in your lifelife, I wish you the best.
     
    liona and Deleted Account like this.
  12. Congratulations for your marriage in Feb :)

    Continue your journey one step at a time, giving into these urges isn't worth it.. Stay strong, stay vigilant, cheers & keep going..
     
    liona likes this.
  13. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Thank you!! :)

    Day 37

    I happy that I didn't give into any of the urges I had yesterday. Some things in my schedule got mixed and I had a relative sluggish day, but I managed to paint some things for Christmas for my family, as I don't really have money this year for any presents. I felt a little bit of frustration during the evening and my body demanded junkfood which I didn't give into. I have the feeling like my body realizes that I'm not up for PM and the urges show mainly in food-urges now. Fasting did help me get some control over this too. I now feel like I'm juggling to not fall too badly into the gaming-habit. Especially when I don't feel great.
    I had trouble sleeping last night, resulting in me staying in bed until 11am. I often feel like I've already lost the day when this happens. And surely the thoughts were there. "What's the point, we might as well stay in bed" or "Whatever, now you can play videogames for the whole day". What I really didn't want to do was to get out. So that's exactly what I did. Went walking/jogging for half an hour. I'm proud that I kicked my butt like that. I'm exhausted now, but the good kind. Small hope that I'll be able to do at last 1-2 things from my todo-list.
    I have to keep this what happened today in mind. I didn't want to do anything so I did the thing that seemed even worse and I got rewarded with better mood and real hope for myself. Gonna make myself some reward-tea next x)
     
  14. daemonswithin

    daemonswithin Fapstronaut

    This is one of those gems that can easily identified as a key to success. It's exercising your self-discipline and willpower muscles. The more you get used to doing things like that, the easier it will become to move past the urges that threaten to derail your progress. Self-discipline doesn't magically appear one day when we wake up. It takes effort and diligence, and oftentimes requires starting with the small things and gradually working up to the big leagues. A lot of the advice you'll get from motivational videos and speakers are related to this. For example, if you have a habit of snoozing, begin the habit of getting out of bed right when the alarm rings. This little exercise of self-discipline and willpower can reap tremendous rewards. If that isn't relevant to you then there are many other things I'm sure you can think of, including what you did in going for a walk/jog. You're doing awesome liona!
     
  15. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much!
    I've heard and read it so many times, how it's important to train the self discipline and everything. It often felt somehow very far away. I'm happy that I'm slowly having those epiphanies for myself and hopefully really really thinking about those positive moments when I'm lying on the floor again. Every achievement and every small step can feel so far away. But yeah, I feel this nagging voice of "just give up" almost every day with everything that I do but I'm pushing through, hoping that even if the voice won't go away it may become more insignificant with time.
     
  16. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Day 38

    I had some trouble getting up and with those things I always try to ask myself "why"? Why is it so hard for me to get up. What's pulling me down and the answers are too complex to find an easy explanation but I will keep digging. I notice that things are harder when I'm slacking off the day before. Things like getting sick really pull me down and away from my road. Yoga today felt like a chore. Even when I was on the mat I just wanted to quit. I'm proud that I pushed through.
    I'm going to drive home for Christmas on Sunday. I'll stay for some time because I have to look after my grandma. I'll have some media-detox in this time I guess. I don't have a laptop to take with me, maybe that's a good thing. I could find some time to draw more, write, exercise. I'm looking forward to the visit but I'm also afraid. I don't know why really.

    I'm not sure if I'll be able to check in tomorrow, so I just wish you all a Merry Christmas right now.
    I hope you have great holidays. I hope you have supportive families and friends at your side. Nobody is alone. I'm thankful that I found this community, it gave me strength when I didn't feel like I could possibly push through again. Thank you to everyone who's constantly checking on me, fighting by my side.
    You are wonderful :emoji_heart:
     
  17. Elias Smith

    Elias Smith Fapstronaut

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    Liona, it really seems as if you are on a journey of self discovery. It's not always easy, but is such a good thing. The best part is that you are being honest with yourself .Thank you for sharing your journey and thank you for the Christmas wishes. I wish you a very Merry Christmas as well
     
  18. daemonswithin

    daemonswithin Fapstronaut

    How you doing Liona? It's been awhile. Hope everything is okay. I'm here if you need a listening ear.
     
    liona likes this.
  19. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    I'm back!! :)
    I've been away for some time because of family and holidays and also some drama. I've been back home for 5 days now. I mostly felt like doing nothing, to get some rest from all the crazy time. Things are still good generally. I haven't broken my streak, granted, it was even easier when I visited my family because there was not much I could do to watch porn. But yeah, I'm still proud of myself.
    I started to have fun with sex again. A few weeks before, things always felt kind of forced and I was under a lot of pressure but it really got better. Now I just have to watch myself, it's nice to have fun but things can always go to an extreme with me.
    And I crave things, all of the time... I've spent too much time on my phone when I was away, I've tried to keep my exercising up, and it worked for a week and then I just felt like everything was too much. I broke the lethargic curse today, went for a walk/run with my fiancée today of almost 10km. Tried to do my morning routine and I'm diving into fasting again. All those days with so much food,.. things aren't easy if you try to improve yourself on so many areas. I need to get some stuff done, like always. I'm still great with procrastinating.
    BUT I try to journal in here some more again. It really helps to get things going and to keep me on track. It's also a great way to feel some kind of accomplishment and pride for how far I've come. I hope you all had wonderful holidays!
    Thanks @daemonswithin for checking on me :)
     
    daemonswithin likes this.
  20. liona

    liona Fapstronaut

    Day 62

    Things are ok. I'm still a little bit tired. Should really watch what I'm eating. It seems to be the next thing to really tackle. I don't know how appropriate this community is to tackle those areas of my life and write about them here. Porn did move to the background of my problems right now, I'm still aware that it's always lurking and I shouldn't get to cocky about my relationship to it now. I'm just really good with finding other things to keep me from being productive.
    I need to get back on my morning routine too, I really didn't have any motivation to do my yoga today, I did a 3 minute meditation because that seems like something I could handle. I'm seeing my therapist again today and then I'll meet a friend and I'll hopefully find some motivation in me to continue the work on a project I've abandoned for some time now. We'll see how things go.
     

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