Keep with it, liona. I too struggle with depression and feeling lost. Still trying to figure out how to overcome it. I've been going through a workbook called the The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression, and it's helped me shift my perspective a bit. One of the main concepts I've struggled coming to terms with is the fact that depression isn't something just happens to you. It's a choice, a behavior, and a mindset, which means all of us have the power within ourselves to overcome it. Granted, that's a 30,000 foot view of what I've been reading, and I'm nowhere near finished yet, so I don't have the solutions, but I suppose my goal here is to offer a bit of hope, understanding and knowledge that you aren't alone. I've been struggling with thoughts of returning to my addiction, and I know that's never the answer, but it's one that gives me comfort, which makes me hate it even more. One thing I do know through experience, is if we ride out these lows and diligently get past them, eventually we'll get out from the bottom and hit a high, but that's the opposite extreme. Eventually, the highs and lows will start getting closer and closer to each other and will normalize near the middle, and that's were true peace and comfort resides. The journey to get there isn't easy, but it's there for the taking!