Lifelong battle with OCD, anxiety and mild depression

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by AlexMtl87, Jul 21, 2017.

  1. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    29 years old male

    - masturbated since 4-5 yo
    - started using porn around 12-13
    - stopped at 28
    - had anxiety, OCD, intrusive racing thoughts, paranoid, fearful of my own thoughts, fearful of the world.

    - quit PMO in December 2015, continued to have sex. Symptoms bettered but still had anxiety and OCD.

    - started semen retention (no ejaculation after sex) - symptoms faded. Feeling calm and balanced, intrusive thoughts are just thoughts now. They come and go.

    I will probably ejaculate 1-2 times/year from now on.

    I am more present, very social and more attractive. I also went from 180 lbs to 202 lbs, look manlier now.
     
  2. DashyRicky

    DashyRicky Fapstronaut

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    Keep moving forward sir. You are on the right path. And it is so great to see someone fighting back for his life, for the life he deserves and just keep fighting sir in the end victory will be yours only and only if you don't give up on yourself and your dreams :)
     
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  3. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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  4. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    Nice! I'm suffering intrusive thoughts and OCD and currently on Day 41. I hope my intrusive thoughts become just thoughts — when you say "semen retention", do you mean the Taoist practice or not ejaculating in general?
     
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  5. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    Just not ejaculating. I have sex on a regular basis and I notice an increase in anxiety and OCD a day after I ejaculate. Without ejaculation I see a decrease in anxiety and OCD.
     
  6. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    Then another reason for me to keep on keeping on :)
     
  7. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely. What is the theme of your intrusive thoughts?
     
  8. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    It varies but the past 2 years I've been suffering from HOCD. I'm finally getting stronger lately so I'm on the mend :)
     
  9. Kazmi

    Kazmi Fapstronaut

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    Wow....Good luck
     
  10. WuTangFinancial

    WuTangFinancial Fapstronaut

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    This brings up so many questions about the male orgasm. I wonder why ejaculation would bring upon stronger feelings of anxiety and OCD.
    Care to elaborate on that?
     
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  11. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    That's pretty common. Just accept the thoughts and don't question them. Eventually they fade if you continue with semen retention.
     
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  12. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    I know! From what I understand/feel is that semen contains many substances that are used to calm down the nervous system. Since they are eliminated from the body, the nervous system needs to take them from your daily intake and in the meantime, it is more susceptible to anxiety (more excited - I do believe excitability and fear parts in the brain are related).

    Over a long period of time of continuous stimulation, the brain can become habituated to anxiety and deficient in those calming nutriens, hence the constant anxiety and OCD.
     
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  13. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    Easier said then done :) but I totally agree with you. There have been a few weeks where it went away because I was successful at accepting and not questioning. But OCD gets more tough and evil every time it comes back. But I've learned that I'm a fighter :)
     
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  14. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    Oh I feel your pain, as the past 7 years were pure hell. My life was great but I was dying on the inside because of anxiety and OCD, paranoia, etc etc.

    I have had all OCD themes: harm, self-harm, HOCD, HIV paranoia, generalized hypochondria, catastrophizing, etc.

    I learned to not listen to my mind at all anymore, whatever crazy thought it throws at me I am just letting it come like a cloud and go still like a cloud. The sun is me, my dreams, my goals, my hopes.

    From my experience OCD comes back every time after you ejaculate and you start reassurance rituals. So I don't ejaculate and I don't reassure my brain about anything.
     
  15. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    Good for you, man! May you heal and stay strong. I'm at the point now where I understand they are just thoughts and nothing else. I won't act on them. I've had other OCD as well including catastrophic thoughts.
     
  16. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bud! It is very interesting how the brain works. I literally feel it as I type this how the synapses that used to fire the anxious thoughts are getting blocked and start to deactivate. All this due to semen retention. WOW. I am an advocate for life, that's for sure.
     
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  17. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    Do you feel any improvements mentally, as you build your semen retention streak?
     
  18. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    I do but I don't know if it's because of semen retention. I've been doing CBT, etc. However, at the same time I have no plans to M or E anyway so I'm just going to keep on keeping on. I'm enjoying the other benefits of semen retention/nofap as well.

    It's Day 47 for me. I've still got a long way to go on breaking my M habits.
     
  19. AlexMtl87

    AlexMtl87 Fapstronaut

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    CBT is a great tool as well. I used it even before knowing about semen retention to deal with intrusive thoughts and OCD, and while it made sense on paper and I had many aha! moments, it didn't rid me of the constant knot in my stomach and general anxiety.

    Now that I know the CBT techniques, coupled with semen retention, I am able to manage the anxiety and intrusive thoughts way better and I have hope for the future. I feel more powerful too and not giving a f...

    Keep it up!
     
    chastedude likes this.
  20. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    That's awesome. I'm definitely going to monitor to see what happens to me the next time I ejaculate.
     

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