1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Letter to Younger Me

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Mr. Paudel, Aug 17, 2019.

  1. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33

    Read the INTRODUCTION and if you want to read keep on. If not,
    thankyou for stopping by on my thread.


    {Introduction to this post: I have started to write letter to my younger self when I was 22 years of age and then I just left to use Nofap forum. Then I again continued my story after two years and that it.

    This is explanation to himself

    • How was he exposed to this habit
    • What were his journey what have he done to follow his habit
    • What were the activities
    • Caught fapping
    • Relapsing and
    • Finally to his determination of quiting porn and its induced activity like masturbation and orgasm.
    This letter will not complete in a single day. That younger Mr. Paudel will get letter in his postbox almost daily.

    Thankyou
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2021
    Tibo87 and Protagonist like this.
  2. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33
    Dear Paudel,
    Age: 13
    Address: Kaski, Nepal

    Hey Boy!!

    Whats up bro???

    How are you doing my dude???

    Dude, you know what, I can't meet you. What I can do is only write what I feel to you my boy. I wish the time travel machine was invented and I can press the year 2010 and travel to you and tell all this story that happened to me and asked you to make decision for the habit that will be growing with you as you grow old.

    Mr. P, the inside of me was always killing me, craving for something or maybe someone. I don't know that the same craving is compelling to write a letter to you.

    But you know what, that is, he is not even in reach to told you for making the decision that will impact your whole life but what I can promise to you is that the older version of you have already taken his decision.
    I wish that you were present to congratulate in his success. You know, he is in his 19th day of journey towards improvement.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
    Tibo87 and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33
    ONE

    Mr P, he is not the person that you suppose he is. He is not the person that you would expect your parents would want him to be. He is not the pesron that you would feel proud of. Sorry for that Mr. Kushal. Remember, this thought is killing himself.

    Today, he is the different version of him 19 days ago. Yeahh its true that he has started masturbation a long time ago. You may not accept the fact but he was the porn addict Bro.

    Dude, you were unknown about the negative impact of the masturbation and watching porn that would occur in your older version. I still remember the first time you were exposed to this type of activity.

    My bro it was the year your family have moved from old house to new one. You were of age about 11 (I think). There was a guest in your house. He was older than you and he was asked to sleep with you.

    That boy have got the small laser light. At that age, you thing that was the great toy for you. Also, he have got different cover for the light that will project the pictures and figures drawn into the wall.

    I still remember that day bro, after the lights were off, he have turned on his light and started showing you different figures changing the cover of the laser.

    I still remember that day Mr. P, after that then he told you that he is going to do something. That is some surprise and you would enjoy.

    I still remember the way you were sleeping that day. Your back was in front of him.

    I still remember how he opened his pant and he tried his penis inside your anus from outside your underpants. He pushed and tried to insert it.He then asked you to do the same in his anus and that innocent self of your did it after some hesitation.

    I could not collect the impression that got you on that day bro.

    That was the first exposure of you boy towards those activity and the little you had no idea to told him to stop.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
  4. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33
    TWO

    Date: August 21, 2019

    Hello Junior, how are you??

    How you doing??

    Today, it’s the 22nd day on nofap for him. He is happy that he have already completed his journey for 21 days. It is told that it takes 21 days to make a habit and 90 days for changing lifestyle and he is dedicated to change his lifestyle.

    Second week and this starting of 4th week have been hard for him. He is fighting with himself. On the 2nd week he was getting tingling on his genitals and it was itching along with urges, urges and urges. 3rd week went well. He has got some less urges and the thought of fapping were absent for him. Starting of the 4th week, its too hard for him.

    After he is alone in morning and he have done cooking, then the thoughts of fapping arises to him. Yesterday, he had almost watched porn. He was going over the 18+ videos on you tube. He wanted some more and went for the hot pictures and malfunction of celebrity being more horney. Then the thought of shame and pain after the relapse strike him, he stopped and went bathroom and dipped himself inside cold water.
    Full day he was less motivated and his action of watching those videos were shame for him:oops::oops:. But, keep motivating himself telling himself he stopped from fapping.;);)

    :):):):):)

    I again want to take you to his older journey. I have already stated to you about his first indulgence with sex related activity. Today I will share the second one with you.

    Mr. Paudel have a friend (Mr. S). Though the boy was older than him but by the relation, that boy should told him uncle. They were close friends to each other. One day at Mr. S’s home only those two boys were present. Parents and sister of Mr. S have gone to forest to fetch firewood and grass for the livestock. They have got a female calf of age about a month. Then something unexpected started.

    Mr. S went near to the female calf. He opened his pant, lifted the tail of the calf and start to insert his penis inside the vagina of the calf. Then he thrust back and forth. After sometime, he went and wash the dung around his genitals and seems somewhat satisfied and relaxed.

    The age of Mr. Paudel was about 12 to 13 and of that other boy was about 14. This time also, Mr Paudel was just innocent spectator.

    Later in your life, you have got no any other impact of Mr. S towards your porn addiction but this incident have got impression on your brain as those act are to be accepted.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
  5. Hey Young man,

    If I remember correctly you're a cocky little boy who has big ideas for himself and secretly desires the heart of a special girl in your life.
    Well let me tell you this, that girl, give her up man, let God handle all that and just have fun exploring this big world and try to make something happen.

    I know you think you love her but buddy you're just a kid, and you will feel that way about a lot of other girls. This one time you get an awesome girlfriend in college and because you've never explored the world you don't know how to handle these emotions she makes you feel and it doesn't end pretty buddy.

    I want you to know that I'm sorry you spend all your time wishing you had some one special in your life, that's partly my fault because I didn't take the time to step back and appreciate what I did have in my life, our life.
    But Lil guy you won't believe some of the cool things I've done. Those shows you love to watch and those actors and comedians you admire, well I've done shows and I've met some of those people. I want you to know I still have a sense of humor and big dreams for our life, but I'm trying to be more serious about doing the right thing, that's why I've joined NoFap and that's why I'm writing this letter.

    Buddy let me just break somethings down for you right now.

    1. God is real and he loves you and it makes total sense that Humans are selfish enough to Crucify God when he comes to Earth to help people.
    2. Nobody wants you to be anything but yourself, and I know you have a heart of gold, you just spend that gold at wrong places.
    3. The more you try to please others by being like them, the less you will be able to be your true self. Don't lose yourself man!
    4. Sex is better when you're in a relationship with some one you love, trust me!
    5. You're family loves you and yes they make a lot of mistakes, but one day you'll realize that your parents are just two people who banged and made a kid. Cut them some slack.
    6. You may feel like it would be cool to try drugs, FUCK THAT! Trust me its better to have fun sober because you know you're having fun, you appreciate it more. Do not do drugs, yes the world makes it seem cool, well you know people are stupid. It's okay to disagree with the world. It's 2019 and people thing men can be women and that men are reason for all the worlds problems. Yeah, I know that sounds ignorant but hey man that is the same world that sells sex and drug use on television and then doesn't understand how people have affairs and become addicts.
    7. Don't rush into a relationship, God has someone out there for you, so be very up front about everything to everyone, some times you can tell a girl that you're attracted to her but you don't want to hop into a relationship and she'll take that as "Hey I want you to push me into a relationship" So be careful.
    8. Do not download dating apps, those aren't for dating its a whole scheme by the devil through corporate america to make you want to have sex and undervalue human life.
    9. Learn a fucking instrument, I'm 22 now and I just want to play piano!
    10. You're gonna grow into what some people would call a handsome man and other's will call you a douche bag. Look just be happy that you're blessed and when some one calls you a douche bag just say, "I'd let you be my friend if you didn't hurt my feelings like this." I don't know if it will work but try it out HA!

    I could list off a million more things but basically, take a breath and don't be afraid to just do something artistic!


    With all the love in my heart I hope you know I will always love you like a big brother through time and I know you will push me to make the choices a hero would.
    - T.S. (2019)
     
  6. I can fully agree on this, young boy!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2019
  7. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33
    THREE

    Hello Little Boy

    Its 12:19 PM. His entrance exam for Masters is only 22 days away and he hasn’t read much. He is somewhat frightened for exam. But he couldnot focus on his study. He have just watched the movie named The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

    Hey boy,

    6 days ago, He relapsed after 24 days journey.

    5 Days ago, He has watched porn but stopped and didn’t fapped

    The first thought that strike me was why has he relapsed. Then he found out that he has started his nofap journey about a week after he hasn’t fapped and watched porn. He told to himself that you have made it to about a week without fapping why don’t you continue your journey by adding the previous days.

    So, here he loose because he hasn’t started the journey with the commitment but he counted the previous days where due to certain circumstances he hasn’t fapped or hasn’t watched porn. Has he been committed and determined with himself, he mightn’t fap.

    After realizing the truth, then he decided with himself he will no more watch porn or fap. He will continue with the monk mode. He have already stopped using Facebook for a week and decided to keep away for internet for next week. He come back to internet after 5 days.

    5 days ago, a day after replase, he watched porn for about a hour searching the best scene that would be fit for jerking off.. He generally love undressing vidoes of the girl by boy or man. He was there watching defoliation video and that video make him weird. Watching that he remembered the a video about the story how virgin girl are sold and they are being captured and porn is made out of that. And how others (he himself) enjoy those videos and fap to that.

    He then googled a more about the porn industry, its impact on general mass and the involved stakeholder.

    He then searched, downloaded and read the book named Your Brain On Porn (Click on this hyperlink for the downloadable version of this book) and he also watched documentary on Brain Heart World.He then was totally shocked and realized how he was pushing himself to the ditch of porn.

    Why is he always feared? Why could't he focus on his work? Why have he developed social anxiety. Why he always think is not he noticed? Why he had this thought always in his head that why others don’t enjoy his company? Why couldn’t he able to maintain relationship with family and friends. Why he couldn’t play and sports. Why is he always feared? Why is he always wanting to cry? Why is he so sad and lonely? Why is he slow with the certain reaction? Why couldn’t make decision for himself? Why do he search answers to his life in outside world? Why is he so lean and thin? Why is he socially awkward? Why he always worry what others will think of him? Why he always compare with himself? Why is he always sad about how he looked? Why is he is very short tempered with his family?

    And answer to all these questions was PORN.

    He learned the impact of the porn to individual, family and society.

    Finally, he was too determined to give up the porn fapping.

    From that day the days, 131 days were remaining for year 2019 and he promised with himself to stay clean for 131 days.

    This is not the first time he have decided to give up porn. He was fighting with himself to stay away from porn and stop masturbation as he had already learned about dopamine effect and the impact of masturbation but those things he didn’t took them seriously. But today he is too determined with himself as he have realized how deep he is struck on that ditch.

    And today, its 5 days on his count.

    This is how he is going.
     
  8. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33
    Four

    Hey Little One !!!

    TODAY IS BEST DAY OF HIS LIFE (Successfully worked on his daily routine)

    Its 6:24 PM and he is in his room.

    Days Remaining for his masters entrance: - 16

    I have told you that Mr. Paudel was afraid with his exam as he has not prepared well. He was too demotivated and disappointed with himself as he knew that he has to read, he has to focus in his study, he has to concentrate but he could not throw his ass and went to read.

    But today, it was different for him. For more than a week, his morning routine is as follows:-

    Get Up:- 4:30 AM
    Drink Luke Warm Water and Cold Sower: - 5:00
    Exercise and Yoga Aasan: - 5:40
    Mediataion 6:00
    Prepare and Have Breakfast 6:30

    Exercise and Aasan:- Jogging, Sarbanga Aasan, Hal Aasan, Cobra Aasan, Pawanmukta Aasan, Bhastrika, Sun Salutation(6 round) and Namaskar Pranayam (10 Min)

    After that he read until launch (9:00 AM). Then he would just skip his reading. He would read when someone is available at home. He used to sleep for about more than 2 hours. Spend his time in internet. Then Tiffin time for him. Again, the same habit. He only used to read less than 3 hours and, in some days, less than an hour.

    But today it was different. He was alone in room. After lunch he was directly to his study. He read upto 12:30. He took a short nap of half and hour and again studied. He had his break for half an hour at 1:30. Today, he noticed that he was reading while having food. He then read upto 4:30 and danced for about 15 min. Then again studied and had his dinner.

    He is able to focus in his study. He was happy with himself. He was happy with what he has accomplished.

    He is analyzing his behavior. He is progressing with himself.

    Today lets discuss with your encounter to masturbation.

    You were in class 8. Your friends used to talk about blue film (Porn is commonly known as blue film). He hasn’t watched it yet. Then one day his friend took him to the nearest health post during school break telling principle that he was sick and need medical advice. His friend then grabbed handful of condoms from health post. Returning to school He told him that his friend have make hole in his pocket of pant which he use to masturbate and using condom while masturbating is more pleasurable.

    To be continued…..
     
  9. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    667
    3,382
    123
    Is it inner child healing ?
     
  10. Hey my friend. If you see me, I assume you have no respect for what you see. Would it shock you to know, that this is what you are about to become? You don't believe it, hah. You have so much potential, you feel like being in the right position to become outstanding. The future is bright, no way you will end up like that. Sure, you have some little problems, no real confidence in your abilities but that does not matter, so you think. Time will fix it. These are just little issues that will go away by it's own.
    My friend, they won't. They will grow, everyday, they will take your drive, your faith. You have tremendous energy, but on the long run, it will all be sucked away. Time will go by, and you will be there. People who are currently weaker than you, less intelligent than you, they will pass by, you will not even realize it. And the day will come where you will not want to meet them, so you can avoid their look on you. Their glee that you, one of the best, messed it up.
    You still don't believe it, I know it is hard to believe. Let's make a DNA test, it will prove you that I am your future you.

    See it... come down, relax it's not too late yet. I could blame you for being me, because now you know that your decisions will lead to me. But I won't. I understand you, I know what happened, I know who you're talking to and who you believe in, what you're currently thinking and why. And I know that given your environment and your perspective it makes sense to pick up this road. You're not reading the signs life is giving you, they are warnings, and you're trying to fix it by accelerating. You think you're stronger than that. You're not, no one is. Guess what, Stallone will make another Rocky movie. And he will say in it:"Nothing hits harder than life" and another one "Time takes everybody out" He is right.
    Life has opened my eyes in 20 years from now, yes, only in 2018 will you realize what you have done. You will feel a lot more weaker and tired than you are now. It will take longer to recover, it will be harder to learn, to concentrate, to heal, you'll feel like a strong lion in a cage who never got his shot.

    Now you take a break for me, you owe me that. Sit down and listen. Your ideal future is still there. It still can happen to you. But you have to change the direction.
     
  11. What is the point of this? You can't go back in time. Why having regrets?
     
  12. Wayne Kest

    Wayne Kest Fapstronaut

    It's called "inner child work". It's quite effective.
     
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  13. I feel like going back in time and being treacherous to my present self. We must concentrate on the present, or am I wrong?
     
  14. Mr. Paudel

    Mr. Paudel Fapstronaut

    33
    149
    33
    Sep 6, 2021
    Its 2 years that I have been silent. During this time, life has hit me hard. For this 2 years I have struggled with porn and couldn't get out of it. I have been watching porn and masturbating. I didn't want to watch porn but I couldn't stop.
    I was watching porn yesterday without much desire but I couldn't stop watching it. I was smoking bidi as it would make me a little high with one hand and on the other hand there was my smart phone with porn site on browser and I was browsing over it here and there just searching for the porn that would excite me. I have watched porn for more than 20 minutes switching from one to other just finding a scene that would excite me. But that didn't happened and I thought to myself, Bro, you have gone so far with porn and now you are not excited anymore and watching porn is compulsion to you. Its a time you should stop. Then, I left my phone and went over YouTube to watch some videos from FTND and slept.

    Now, I will be completing my story.
     

Share This Page