Hi everyone, I hope it’s the right place to post. I come here seeking healing after leaving an almost 4 year relationship with a PA. I am already in therapy to work through my issues, however I feel that having an understanding community will be really helpful. I’d like to give back too. It’s been incredibly difficult for me, both thorough the relationship and now after the end. I believe I am grieving and struggling with bargaining. I also feel really guilty for leaving someone really vulnerable, on the other hand I reckongnise that I couldn’t give him acceptance that he wanted. We tried to set up clearer communication so that if he relapsed he would tell me about it. I really wanted to just be able to say “it’s ok, it’s good you’re telling me” to work on this shameful feeling he had. But when I went home (abroad), he messaged me after being a bit distant that he slipped, I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so hurt I ended it right there and then. I am dealing with a physical illness that is unfortunately stress induced and I had no capacity for patience anymore. I think I’m doing us both a favour by leaving to be honest. I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions, sometimes I feel it was the right choice, sometimes I feel guilty. I really loved him and cared, and I recknogised he took first steps to recovery but in my view I was always the one who wanted it more. There is so much more to the story, but it will do for now. Thanks for reading so far! My question... to those who stayed: why did you stay? What was the communication like? To those who left: are you paranoid like me about finding a man that either doesn’t watch porn at all, or someone who isn’t addicted? Have you found such a person? Do they even exist?