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Laments from a PA/SA's Boyfriend (Journal)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by MLMVSS, Oct 26, 2017.

  1. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    I've decided to just write this to vent off whatever's on my mind. It's unhealthy to keep it in, and many of my "mates" in real life aren't exactly supportive either, so I decided to turn to here.

    I have my own issue; I want to stop MO in general, and so far I've been having success. I haven't jacked off to porn sice I stuffed the 3-year habit in 2010, and even then, porn wasn't addictive to me; I had enough of a high sex drive as a teenager where any P wasn't required to M to. I could do it easily, even with thoughts which I ironically found more appealing and real. I haven't had many issues with porn relapse.

    However, this isn't about my issues.

    It's about my girlfriend's.

    Long story short, my girlfriend's been a PA since she was 12. We've met in secondary school around 2011, and we started dating in late 2012. We dated for about 6-7 months before I left home for the USA from July 2013 to July 2015. I've had zero contact with her for those 2 years because I was unable to.

    During that time, she dated another guy, but he turned out to be abusive. I don't really want to get into detail on that, but afterwards, she became even more of a PA as a way to cope. Ever since I got home in 2015, we've been off-and-on dating due mainly to these PMO issues and its frustrations. We are currently on right now, and both of us want to make it work.

    I want to be there for her; to support her. I check up on her many times a day, and I hang out with her to distract her from PMO. I want the best for her, and I'm willing to offer help and support. I love her and I can imagine spending the rest of our years together; she can too.

    But some days... I don't know. I feel like giving up during my darkest periods. I feel like I'm not good enough for her; instead, she needs to turn to PMO to be satisfied. I question everything about myself then. It brings me down during those times; my confidence and self-esteem crash then. I want to support her. Hold her up. But how can I even do that if I myself am also a wreck during these times?

    Well... I guess I just needed to throw that out there. I'll update this with my feelings every now and again. My girlfriend's been 4 days clean of PMO, and I hope we can get that number higher.
     
    Broken81 likes this.
  2. There is a forum for Significant Others of SAs/PAs. Might find some of the embers and resources there helpful.
     
    MLMVSS likes this.
  3. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    It is great that she has your support, my wife's support makes such a difference to my attempt to rid my life of porn. Do you think she might be persuaded to set up a journal here? The support of other addicts, especially other women, might really help her out.
     
    MLMVSS likes this.
  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Hope you are doing well today!
     
    MLMVSS likes this.
  5. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! There haven't been any bad news ever since I've wrote this, so I hope it continues :)
     
    Kenzi likes this.

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