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Knowing something in your head but not in your heart

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Jka123, Sep 6, 2017.

  1. Jka123

    Jka123 Fapstronaut

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    So I am at college and see tons of girls I'd like to get to know tons of guys that I'd like to get to know but I always stop myself. I know in my head that I'm a pretty average looking dude not fat not super fit not an ugly face but not a models face. I'm short but very close to average height. I know I'm smart, funny, and I know if I let myself I'm good at conversation, but whenever I see someone I want to talk to I feel ugly I feel weird like I there's something more to making friends that I just don't know even though there is not. Does anyone else have this problem? Knowing on a logical level you are a normal if not a interesting good person but somewhere else inside you you feel like a complete loser not worth anyone else's time or that nobody would be interested to get to know you? I'm going to therapy for social issues and I know what she'll say I need to do introduce myself join clubs go to activities etc and I plan on it putting it off till I talk to her but is it something that goes away once you get out there or am I missing some kind of self exploration of some kind?
     
    nelloJ likes this.
  2. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you are doing great on self exploration. I would say that you seem to be well above average on that scale, but you still haven't gotten you're feet wet yet.
    If someone is going to learn to swim, they can read all about it, get a physical, talk with a coach, exercise to build the appropriate muscles, but at some point they have to get in the water.
    When are you going to quit watching, thinking, planning, and just jump in. Few guys have died from talking to a girl.
    Best of luck with it.
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  3. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    You think you are mediocre, but, whoever she is, she thinks that she is ugly. She won't tell you, but she thinks that there is something wrong with her nose. It is too short, or too long, or a little crooked, or whatever. She needs you to tell her just how perfect her nose is, and she will need to be told repeatedly and in a variety of ways how much you like it. Then there are the eyebrows, and the lips, and the ears, and do not even get started on the hair. Even on a good-hair-day, she thinks her hair is terrible. In the mirror, she only sees flaws. To see her beauty, she will have to look into your eyes.
    When she feels beautiful, you are the man that did it for her.
    Give her a chance to enjoy herself. Talk to her.
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  4. Well, Sometimes I feel that too even though Im fucking handsome.
    Break the mirrors and dont think what other think about you. They all think about themselves and dont care about your face, trust me.
     
  5. nelloJ

    nelloJ Fapstronaut

    I can kind of relate to that. For me, I get all these anxiety and worries for no logically reason when I want to do stuff like that. But if I force myself, or someone takes the initiative to break the ice, everything seems to flow naturally and I forget about all my insecurities while in the moment. However, the insecurities may bite back after the event... And then I start blaming myself or hating myself for something I wish I didn't do.
     
  6. We all feel that to some extent. I tend to be naturally shy so I have to sometimes fight it and force myself to be social with others. But once I do I find talking to people to be natural. It's simply fear. Fear is the mind killer. Kick it in the nuts and move on.

    You are in college--a awesome place to meet people--new friends, new loves and new experiences. Do it.
     
  7. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    You can't live life on the sideline.
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  8. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    I had that. Those deeply routed negative feelings are developmental trama residues. Things we accepted as ours from childhood. Those are emotional feeling stuck deeply in our body. The best way forward is modern trama therapy, constelation therapy works like magic by going straight into our hearts relising all those deeply rooted emotional trush we carry with us thus seting us free for the flow of love and happiness.
     
  9. VitoMisto

    VitoMisto Fapstronaut

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    Three things- and yes, I struggle with these and always have to keep them in the back of my mind:

    1. If you don't ask, the answer will always be no!
    1b) The worst she can say is no- and even then you're better off knowing than not knowing! Anything else is even better!

    2. Look around you. There are people who are fatter than you, poorer than you, dumber than you, older than you, uglier than you, and they're in happy relationships. If they can do it, so can you. It's a big world, and there are a lot of people out there. The more you meet, the better your chances are.

    3. Theory of mind- she's not thinking about your flaws because she's worried about her own.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017

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